Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

Chapter one: Birthday Kidnapper

"Naruto, why am I doing this?"

"Hmm?" Naruto looked up from his shoelaces. The ends were so shiny…

"Why am I here?" Sasuke thudded the back of his head against the wall and watched in amusement as Naruto squinted and scratched his head.

"Um, we're waiting cuz it's an hour until the wedding tebayo…" He glanced around. "But I have no idea why you wanted to sit on the floor…"

Sasuke drew his knees to his chest and rested his chin on them.

"Hn."

Naruto looked at his companion. "Ne, Sasuke, why are we on the floor dattebayo?"

Sasuke paused, staring ahead. "…the chair and table were stifling me."

Naruto stared at Sasuke. The raven looked even more gorgeous than usual in his wedding tux. All the black contrasted sharply against his white-rose skin and his eyes were outlined in subtle eyeliner per the request of the bride.

If their relationship were like that, Naruto would have jumped the groom in an instant but sloppy drunken kisses weren't enough to think it would be okay to rape your best friend.

But DAMN, Sasuke looked GOOD!

"Ano, Sasuke, what about the couch?" Naruto ripped his mind off images of a naked Sasuke.

Sasuke glared at the couch. "Hn."

"Come on, teme, my ass is starting to hurt tebayo!"

Naruto thought he saw a flicker of an amused smile on the beautiful face but it was gone when Naruto glanced back.

"Alright, dobe, for your precious ass."

Naruto pretended to pout at the facetious reply as he plopped against the sofa arm.

Sasuke heaved himself up and flopped rather un-Uchiha-like next to Naruto. I wonder if he has a hangover? Naruto mused. He was about to ask when Sasuke's head collided with Naruto's shoulder.

"I want alcohol and lots of it."

"Oh, no." Naruto poked Sasuke's cheek. "You'd end up kissing me instead of Sakura and she'd kill us both tebayo!"

"Damn. Maybe Neji will hook me up…"

"Ne, Sasuke…"

"N?"

"Why do you always kiss me when you're drunk, anyways?"

"I's coz I love you." Sasuke said dryly, sounding half asleep.

"Neee, Sasuke, I was being serious!" Naruto whined and rocked so that Sasuke was disturbed from his nap.

"And who said I wasn't?" Sasuke growled and laid down on the sofa and cuddled into it.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to SLEEP to pretend that this isn't happening since you won't give me booze."

"Baka Sasuke teme."

"Sayonara, Naruto dobe." Sasuke fell asleep and left Naruto to his boredom.

That was their last conversation before Sasuke and Sakura said their vows and became Mr. and Mrs. Uchiha Sasuke.

:around 5 years and 9 months later:

"Sasuke, where's the cake!?"

Sasuke cringed at his wife's screeching voice.

"Here!" he screamed back.

He hefted the cake-it had to weigh at least ten pounds!-and met Sakura at the table only HALF covered in presents. He set the cake down and glared at it.

"Sasuke, did Naruto say anything to you about not coming? I haven't seen him."

Sasuke didn't reply but when she turned away, his eyes shot up and searched frantically for the blonde.

Nowhere in view.

He was about to move to raid the house when something burst through the gate and five-year-old female screeches gave him an instant migraine.

The "something" turned out to be a man.

A tall average built blonde man in a blue tank top and black jeans with an odd ceramic cat mask on to be exact.

The man's blue eyes met Sasuke's and Sasuke had to keep back a smile.

Naruto.

Naruto broke the eye contact and growled playfully at the little girls. "Hello, little girls, I'm the birthday kidnapper!"

"EEEK!!"

"I heard little Mai chan has a birthday today!" Naruto hunched slightly as if to attack.

"Oh, no, Mai!!"

A girl with black pigtails and fierce teal eyes stepped up to Naruto and stared at him, her arms akimbo.

"I'm Mai and my daddy can kick your butt!"

Sasuke felt a rush of pride and again had to hold back a smile.

"Your daddy, eh?" Naruto stabbed a finger at Sasuke. "You! You're going down tebayo!"

Naruto charged at Sasuke and the girls squealed. Sasuke avoided the fake punch and took off Naruto's mask. They exchanged smirks before Naruto tumbled to the ground dramatically.

"Oh, no! My secret identity has been exposed!!"

Mai charged at Naruto and punched his chest with all the might in her small frame, which was enough to knock his breath out.

"Naruto ji chan, that was mean!"

"Yeah but your daddy kicked my butt for it, didn't he?" Naruto grinned and tugged one of her pigtails gently and she nodded.

"That's what you get!"

"Hai, hai" Naruto got to his feet and hoisted the screaming girl over his shoulder.

"Happy birthday to Mai! Happy birthday to Mai!" Everyone sang and Sakura lit the candles. Naruto flipped Mai and bent his knees so she could blow her five candles out.

Everyone cheered and Mai grinned at Naruto. "Thanks, Naruto ji chan, I love you, even though you're a big meanie."

"Thank you, Mai chan, happy birthday dattebayo!"

Naruto kissed her cheek and set her down to eat cake and open her presents.

Sasuke stepped next to Naruto, trying to fight the ridiculous jealousy that he felt for his daughter.

"How come I don't get kidnapped on my birthday?" Sasuke said lightly, something he

could only do around Naruto.

"Aww, you're just jealous that you don't get a kiss and a ride." Naruto grinned.

Sasuke had to struggle to keep the perverted thoughts away. Sometimes he could swear that the dobe knew how Sasuke felt and just toyed with him.

"As if." Sasuke huffed.

Naruto grinned wider and leaned forward and pressed his lips against Sasuke's suddenly rosy cheek. Time stood still for Uchiha Sasuke in that three second kiss and his senses heightened. He could feel the damp softness of Naruto's lips, could feel the heat radiating off the sandy tan skin, could see the golden locks sway in the breeze in front of his nose, could smell and taste Naruto's sweet and salty breath.

Gods, how he wanted more of this man.

The three seconds of eternity ended and Naruto's voice cut through Sasuke's haze.

"I'll be sure to make it up to you tebayo." The husky whisper drove poor Sasuke over the edge and he had to excuse himself to the restroom.

Naruto stared after him before he shrugged to himself and went after the birthday cake.

Sasuke all but ran to the restroom and he wan panting when he locked the door behind him.

Damn the sexy dobe! Sasuke stared in frustration at his burning hard on. And what the hell is "I'll be sure to make it up to you" supposed to mean?! The memory hit him full force and he groaned and struggled to support himself as his lower regions tightened dangerously. He stumbled to the toilet.

:dattebayo:

Sasuke scanned the backyard and walked towards the platform that Naruto, Lee, and he had built last year. Neji, Lee, Shikamaru, Gaara, Kiba, and Naruto sat around the glass outdoor table drinking beers and laughing.

Well, Lee, Kiba, and Naruto were laughing.

"Yo, Sasuke!" Naruto shouted to him and gestured to the empty chair beside him. Sasuke took the offered chair and glanced at the reticent Neji to his left.

"Dude, what took you so long?" Kiba leaned forward and Sasuke glared at him.

"Leave him alone." Neji said. Naruto pretended to glare at the dog.

"Psh, fine. Wanna beer, Uchiha?" Kiba's grin grew when Naruto smacked him hard in the chest.

"Baka, we don't want him or Lee drunk!!"

"But when he's drunk we get a show!" Kiba grinned so wide Sasuke was hoping it would break and fall off his idiotic face.

"Why can't I get drunk?" Lee pouted slightly.

"Because you think you're a ninja and start trying to kill us." Naruto glared slightly.

"And when Sasuke gets drunk, we get a show! Don't you remember Sasuke's wedding? He got so shit-faced—and Naruto too—that they ended up making out in the back of the reception room for like an hour!"

Naruto blushed and stared at his beer and Sasuke glared at the mutt.

"I remember that. Sakura chan was scary." Lee added.

"And then she jumped Sasuke and Mai was conceived." Kiba concluded with a nod.

Sasuke looked out into the yard and gazed at his feisty five year old daughter. As horrible as the conception and pregnancy had been, Sasuke was glad that he'd been all but unconscious his wedding night because about nine months later, he got a beautiful (despite who the mother was) baby heir. If he could just kill the wife…

"I can't believe it's been five years…"

Sasuke looked back to meet Naruto's sad blue eyes.

"Yeah."

Naruto blinked and looked away back at his beer.

"I swear, why don't you two just elope already?" Kiba growled at them.

Gaara looked up at them as they blushed and glared.

A minute widening of Gaara's eyes cued his realization. He smiled slightly on the inside and tuned back into the argument that was a game of tag of insults between Kiba and Naruto.

Gaara leaned his head forward and whispered.

"There's something going on between them, isn't there?"

Shikamaru tilted his head to Gaara.

"You just now noticed?" Neji asked. Gaara glanced over Shikamaru's shoulder and looked into the lunar eyes.

"Sasuke accepted he was in love with Naruto nearly eight years ago." Lee hung his head in despair as he added softly. "He decided that Naruto could never love him back so he decided to do what everyone expected from him. He killed his passionate youth before it could even bud. It is truly sad."

"Why wasn't I aware of this?" Gaara growled.

"Sasuke told me about a week after he accepted it. Shikamaru figured it out before Sasuke, and Lee realized as he watched them practice together." Neji clarified. "Sasuke swore us to secrecy."

Shikamaru sighed. "But the most troublesome part is that Naruto loves him too. All of this could have been avoided so easily but you people and your damn complications."

"But if none of this had happened, we wouldn't have Mai." Lee pointed out.

"True." Neji nodded minutely.

They looked up to see Sasuke staring at them with large panicked eyes, getting the gist of what they were talking about with all the somber whispering and wary glances.

"They eat dogs in China tebayo!"

"You like to eat yourself!"

"Will you two stop?" Shikamaru grumbled and Naruto and Kiba stopped and stared at him.

"Wha…What happened?" Naruto glanced at the somber foursome and turned to Sasuke. Panic filled his veins when he saw Sasuke's frightened eyes. "Sasuke, what's wrong? What happened?!"

"Nothing…" Sasuke stared hard into Gaara's eyes, silently pleading his secrecy.

"You're paranoid, Naruto." Gaara told him calmly and Sasuke turned his stare to the table.

Naruto glanced between his friends and Sasuke. No, something was definitely up. Only one way to find out.

Naruto followed Kiba in sitting down and murmured something to him. Kiba nodded and reached behind his seat. Two seconds later Sasuke was staring at the beer that Naruto had clunked in front of him.

"Drink up."

My life sucks. Sasuke thought as he obeyed.

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Tsuzuku