Summary: "It's easier to believe none of it happened. To maintain that it was all a game, made up to distract us from the war. It's easier to blame our imaginations." Susan's thoughts on abandoning Narnia and starting to believe again. Set somewhere between the end of VODT and the end of The Silver Chair. One-shot. R&R!

A/N: I post all my disclaimers on my profile. Please tell me if this is against the rules, honestly I haven't looked into it. This is Susan's thoughts/thought process on not believing in Narnia, but starting to believe again. If you're confused, please says so either in a PM or review, and I will do my best to clarify. I'm similar to Susan, and I feel like I understand her, and why she makes the choices she makes, which makes writing from her POV easier...and harder (I hope that came out right...). I'm into Susan fics at the moment, especially when she stops believing. I've been thinking about her motives quite a bit (distractions from finals! yay! XD) and I actually like the way this turned out. Which is saying something, considering I had it mostly written in about an hour. The idea came to me while studying for my Latin final (great timing O.o) after having writer's block for a while, and wouldn't leave me alone. Enjoy!

It's easier to believe none of it ever happened.

To maintain that it was all a game, made up to distract us from the war.

It's easier to blame our imaginations.

To mask the pain.

Easier to never speak of it again.

Speaking only brings pain.

It's all they talk about now.

They don't feel the pain

Focus on the here, the now.

That's what matters.

Goings on in Narnia don't matter. We aren't there anymore.

No. We were never there.

England matters. We are in England now.

England is home.

They must accept it.

I must accept it.

It's easier to grow up

To burry the memories

To ignore the longing

One can't wish for something they can never have

Why did Aslan let this happen?

What did we do?

He let us abandon our country.

England isn't home.

Then, in a sudden wave, it hits me.

Narnia is real.

It can't be real.

It can't be.

Then why are the images so vivid?

Images that can only be memories.

Memories that I've been burying for too long.

What have I done?

I've broken the bond

The bond created over 15 years of ruling together

A bond that can only come from experiencing life-or-death situations

together

Together

We will always be together

In the end

No matter what

I must find them.

To tell them

I'm sorry.

A/N: Just saying, reviews make my day and the little button is feeling lonely today...