Disclaimer: Harry Potter books are the intellectual and financial property of J.K. Rowling. I receive no financial compensation for writing Fan Fiction. I merely get the fantastical pleasure of playing in her world, and you get the pleasure… or displeasure… of reading the results.

Sev r Us

A man with dark, greasy hair sat at his desk. He was grading yesterday's homework papers when he heard a fit of giggling and chatter. He stood up and carefully began to make his way to his office door. At the doorway, Severus peeked around the corner and saw the two red-headed Weasly brats. They were wearing those stupid, insufferable wigs and those clothes that looked like his.

"If Severus found out about this," began Fred.

"He would kill Harry!" finished George.

Snape's lips curved upward slightly as he swung around the doorway and grabbed the twin's by the collars of their cloaks.

"Oh, Merlin!" said Fred.

"It's the Severus Snape!" said George. They looked at each other, each with an identical look of shock and delight on their faces.

Severus looked down at the ground and saw Severus Snape bobble heads and figurines.

"What," began Snape, "Is the meaning of this?"

"Oh, Merlin!" said George.

"He's speaking to us!" finished Fred.

"What is the meaning of this!"

Fred and George looked back at each other then back at Snape.

"It's Sev R Us, Professor." Severus groaned.

. . .

Severus stood outside the doors of what muggles called a "shopping mall." The Weasly twin's had gladly given him the whereabouts of it…. in exchange for an autograph. Severus stalked into the store, a grim look on his face (as almost always).

As soon as Severus stepped inside, he regretted it. Each isle was filled with all sorts of Severus Snape items: snow globes, bobble heads, figurines, T-shirts of all kinds, wigs, robes in all sizes, and more. Severus walked up to the middle of and isle to get a closer look at the items when Snape heard a very familiar voice on the intercom.

"Fred, George," began Harry, "There is a large, black, greasy spot in isle seven. Clean it up!"

Severus looked up in sheer horror, only to discover that he was in isle seven.

Suddenly Severus was swept off of his feet by a large net. Severus looked to his sides only to see that the net was attached to brooms that Fred and George were flying. They looked down at him.

"Hey, Sev," said Fred.

"Who thought we'd see you here?" said George.

It had been a trap.

When Fred and George landed, the net fell on top of Severus and trapped him. Harry then waltzed over to him.

"Hey, Sev!" shouted Harry.

"That's Professor Snape to you," mumbled Severus from under the net.

"Right," said Harry as he walked up to Severus, "So how's my Sevy pie?" Severus groaned.

"YOU BETTER GET ME OUT OF THIS NET, POTTER!"

"As you wish, Sevy Pie." Harry snapped his fingers and the Weasly twins freed Severus from the net. Severus stood up, brushed himself off, and billowed out of the store.

But as Severus was walking out the door, he heard Potter's voice on the intercom again.

"EVERYONE, SEVERUS SNAPE IS WALKING OUT THE DOOR AS WE SPEAK!"

Severus turned around and saw boys, girls, women, and men alike running after him.

. . .

Severus walked into the door of the Hogwarts castle. Pieces of his cloak were missing, there was smudged lipstick on his face, he had a terrible migraine, and a chunk of hair was missing from his head (no wonder he had a migraine). He looked to his right and saw Potter.

"I'M GOING TO GET YOU POTTER!"

Everyone in the school heard the loud noises, screams, and yells of the chase that proceeded until midnight that night. Dumbledore, meanwhile, sat in his office, a slight smirk on his face as he chuckled quietly to himself.