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Summary: She loves him and it eats her alive. She shouldn't love him, everyone says that he can't be loved. He doesn't want to be loved. But it won't stop her. She will love him till the day she dies. Even if he doesn't love her back.
She knows he watches her. She knows that he memorizes her, her body, her speech, the way she does her job. It infuriates her to no end that he does that. She feels so uncomfortable under his gaze, but she doesn't want him to look away. Ever.
She loves the thought of him watching her, even if he only watches to find a weakness. If that is what he's looking for, she will not let him find it. She will not show weakness. She can't. If he stops looking, she'll crumble. She'll shatter like porcelain. She knows that he won't be there to pick up the pieces and glue her back together. She's already damaged. What's the use of a few more cracks? What does it matter? It doesn't matter to him.
The only person she wants it to matter to is him. But it doesn't, it won't, it can't, and it shouldn't. He's her boss, and older. He's dry and hard and cold, he loves to insult people and he's always miserable. Though she's seen him crack a smile.
All she knows is that when Gregory House smiles, the whole world brightens. Her whole world brightens. She'll take that for as long as she can get it. Because as long as he watches her, she can go on. She can live another day, and hope that his gaze will linger, if only for a while.
It will be only a while. Everyone reminds her that he doesn't feel for her, doesn't love her, can't love her. Or won't. She likes to think that he is afraid to love her, though she knows that everyone else is right, they're speaking the truth. Even if it hurts. A lot. She'll endure the pain if it means he'll watch her, if it means he'll smile. If it means he'll brighten her world for one more day. She will endure all the pain in the world.
He watches her, but in the end his logic wins, and it's almost enough to kill him.
She knows he watches, and when he looks away, in the end. It's almost enough to kill her.
