she thinks she's in love at age fourteen.

she's wrong, of course - how could you be in love at age fourteen? you haven't lived enough, seen enough, known enough to know this sillyamazingterrible thing called love.

no, it's not love - but it's something a lot like it.

..

lorcan doesn't like - doesn't love lily.

she hates him a little bit for that.

but she is lily luna potter so she grins and freaking deals with it.

{maybe someone locked her in the freezer - her heart's starting to freeze up}

..

she doesn't need lorcan - doesn't need anyone, especially not his perfect little girlfriend, not lucy.

"we used to be best friends!" but we're not, she thinks, wishing she could say it to lucy's face without everyone calling her a bitch when lucy turns away with tears in her eyes if she does.

lily just gave her a look.

lucy runs away with tears in her eyes and everyone stares at her like, what the hell, bitch?

this is when she learns to not care.

so she turns and looks at all the starers and whisperers and gives them a shit eating grin, like, you got a problem, bitch? watch me pretend to care.

this is the new lily luna potter.

..

the new lily doesn't care about other people - other people only hurt you, only fuck you over.

her mother looks at her when she comes home. she thinks her mother would've hated her 'rebellious phase' as daddy put it, but instead, she leads lily upstairs.

"i don't hate it," mum starts as they sit down. "you're being independent - your own person. like i did at your age."

but mum, you think, this isn't just independence - this is being a bitch.

but she grins and nods. mummy knows best, right?

..

lucy glares at her everyday and lily couldn't care less by now.

her friends have left her, by now - they hate the new lily.

{they don't understand; the 'old' lily was simply a bud, the 'new' lily has blossomed}

..

all the other girls in their year are losing their virginity.

lily doesn't want to; she doesn't want to be a one night only who doesn't matter or have to 'love' {'love,' she thinks, 'is such a pretty lie'} someone and have them start to mean something to only get hurt.

by the end of sixth year, she's one of the few with their virginity intact.

she doesn't really mind.

..

she's made quidditch captain in seventh year.

the boys make lecherous comments in the locker rooms about her.

"bet she's a wildcat in bed," one boy - jake wood, chaser - proclaims. "what with how she's on the pitch, or to anyone else."

the boys laugh, not realizing that the only girl on the team - their freaking captain - is right behind them.

"look at her ass!" "her boobs!" "those legs!"

"guess who's not getting near them?" she interrupts coldly, hands on her hips and eyes daring them to make another comment. no one does.

"twenty more laps," she says. "around the castle. fifteen minutes."

yeah, she's a bitch and a hardass, but who cares?

..

she gets called a lot of names.

"ice bitch" is most common, whispered behind hands and said to her face.

only one of them is a compliment.

"tigris regina" lysander - sweet, sweet, ravenclaw lysander whispers in her ear with a smile.

"tiger queen," she deciphers, smiling genuinely for once. lysander is sweet - maybe if her heart wasn't frozen, she'dve fallen in love with him.

but it is so she didn't.

{besides, tigers are loners and queens don't always have to rely on a man, right?}

..

"i'm going to get a tattoo," she announces at dinner.

she graduated hogwarts yesterday - they're celebrating now.

"huh?" daddy asks. he doesn't like his little girl growing up.

"what? and where?" mum tilts her head with a smile. mum gets it. daddy doesn't.

she thinks for a moment. lysander pops into her mind.

"a tiger," she says, "across my lower back."

daddy shakes his head. mum smiles.

the conversation goes back to the quidditch team she'll be playing for next season - mum's old team.

..

"you sure you want this?" the girl doing the tattoos has a bunch of them. lily nods.

"absolutely," she whispers. she's never been so sure.

..

while the girl does the tattoo - 4 hours of tattooing - they talk.

"i have a tattoo for everywhere i've been." the girl - "daniella, but call me danny" - explains.

by four hours past, she has a best friend.

"i never caught your name," the american says, looking at her.

"lily," she says. "lily luna potter."

"see ya, lily." danny nods.

when lily walks out of the shop, she has a tiger across her mid back with tigris regina under it and a best friend.