A/N - This was done on the prompt - "Carlisle, Jasper, and a baseball bat" for an amusing contest I had with my friends. This one was surprisingly well liked.... hope you guys enjoy too, although the punchline is something of an inside joke.. ^^
The Cullen house fell silent. All one could hear was the sound of the rather convenient thunderstorm rumbling outside.
Everyone stared at Carlisle in the doorway, even Bella, the spectacularly unobservant human who had recently become a member of the household.
Carlisle gave the baseball bat another trial swing.
"Come on, Jasper." he said enthusiastically. "I promised I'd teach you some more baseball today-" Jasper flinched at the unnecessary emphasis on the word - "And after all, your pitching last week was shocking."
Poor, nervous Jasper. It wasn't hard to understand why he was always in pain.
He looked around desperately at the rest of his family, pleading through golden eyes to be saved from what they all knew lay ahead.
But no help came. Even Alice was looking away, her jaw clenched in that particular way that makes one sound like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
"Is the bat… really … necessary?" Jasper said timidly, eyeing the wooden object with more than a little apprehension.
"The bat is a hitting tool, a hard round stick, about 2.5 inches in diameter at the hitting end, tapering to a narrower handle and culminating in a knob. Bats used by adults are typically around 34 inches long.*" Carlisle stated. "Oh, and 100% necessary for baseball." Jasper flinched.
"Come along," the older vampire murmured. "Come step up to the mound…"
Carlisle swung the bat once more, giving Jasper that look before stalking up the stairs… followed by a somewhat subdued Jasper Hale.
"Baseball? Upstairs?" Bella pondered, clearly confused. "Is that, like, a vampire thing or what?"
The others - who by now were well accustomed to Carlisle's… well, hobbies - ignored her.
"So, Carlisle's up to bat, huh?" said Emmett conversationally.
"Yep. Jasper's playing defense tonight." Rosalie added with a sly giggle.
Her words were echoed by a -thwack- of what was almost definitely a baseball bat coming from upstairs.
"Top of the first inning." stated Alice. "This could be interesting."
"Carlisle's SO got the advantage."
"You think? Jasper's gameplay is definitely improving."
"Psh, you should have seen his strikeout last weekend."
…And that was when the moaning started.
Each of the vampires turned to look at Bella, who clearly didn't have a clue what was happening. They needn't have worried. She was sitting in her chair, drooling a little.
"Bottom of the ninth. This is getting tense, but it's clear Carlisle has the upper hand…"
"CARLISLE!!"
Edward was seething with envy, his pale hands clenched in his lap.
"Not in front of Bella." Alice chided him, quietly enough so that the human girl would not hear.
"It's not fair, Alice." he whined. "That's my line." Alice raised an eyebrow at this.
"Jasper's my partner." she replied. "Carlisle rules the roost around here, you ought to know that by now."
As if to prove her point, Jasper's climactic yell resounded from upstairs.
"Ohhhhh-OHHH-CARLIIIIIISLLE!!!"
"And that's a home run." Emmett observed casually.
Poor Jasper never stood a chance.
*Source : Wikipedia
