I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none
Peyton Sawyer scrolled through her list of contacts before settling on Lucas' name. She wanted to call him. To hear his voice. She wasn't sure if she could, though. These days her job kept her so busy. Every time she got ready to give Lucas a call or to e-mail him, her phone rang. It was always urgent.
'I should wait' she thought.
We can work this out. In a couple years he could move out here. Who knew what the future held.
And yet, Peyton felt like that wasn't going to happen.
She wanted nothing more than to run away from the heartbreak that was bound to happen. It was inevitable.
There were sounds in my head
LIttle voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening
Peyton knew the right thing to do was to break up with him. She went over to her music collection. She wouldn't do it until she could see him again. He deserved a face-to-face breakup. A letter was too impersonal and a phone-call too cruel.
'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
The past few months had taught her a few things. She needed to find out who she was before she could truly love anyone. That was why her relationships Jake and Nathan hadn't worked. She needed know exactly who she was.
Who was she without Lucas? Would she be okay without a boyfriend in her life? Could she stand-alone?
Peyton couldn't stand the thought of Lucas being with anyone else other than her. In her mind, they were meant to be together. Especially after everything they went through together. But she knew she should end it.
He deserved someone who would truly appreciate him. Whoever took her place would give him that. Even if that meant he got back together with Brooke.
She realized now that Brooke probably cared more about him than she ever would.
See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside
'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
She was just starting to realize how complicated love was. How there wasn't really a right or wrong love. The love she had was somewhere in between black and white. She couldn't stay with him just because she was afraid of being on her own.
Peyton knew Lucas would take this hard. That she would break his heart. She didn't want to do this. This was going to be just as hard on her.
She quickly sent Lucas a text message along with a song to remind him of her. As she closed her eyes, she hoped she would see him again soon. She wanted to hold him one last time.
And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do
'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood
She quickly put José Gonzalez back on her shelf and got ready for work. She wouldn't worry about her boyfriend problems right now. She hadn't seen him much lately. And it could be a good month before she saw him again. By then, she would know exactly what to tell him. She would be ready. Today she would find out who Peyton Sawyer was.
