Not Letting You Go
By Montez
Disclaimer: standard, don't own, never will
Author note: This is the final installment of my stories: Normal?, Big Brother-Baby Brother and Our Boys. This will be a normal story format with POV's changing as they would throughout a normal story.
Hope this meets any expectations anyone may have. Thank you all for reading the other stories and bear with me on this one. Thanks
"Love You"
Those two words, whispered out by his now limp thirteen-year-old brother were enough to set Donnie Eppes into action. He only gave into his emotions, crying out 'No, No, No….', for a few brief seconds. After that, he fell quickly into the lifesaving training he had learned the previous summer as a life guard, later not recalling how it could have happened, he became calm and rational.
"CHARLIE!" he yelled as he laid his brother flat in the hallway, his mother and father forgotten across from him. He reached for Charlie's neck; fear stilled his nerves when he felt no pulse. He leaned over to listen, no breath sounds or warm air emitted from his brother's mouth. Donnie tilted Charlie's head back and quickly blew in two breaths then straightened himself to start chest compressions.
"DONNIE STOP, YOU'LL HURT HIM" Margaret yelled, her terrified mind not registering that her eldest son was trying to save her youngest's life. Alan knew what Donnie was doing, he had been the one to take him to the training. Alan held Margaret whispering reassurances to her.
Again, two breaths then compressions, Donnie had entered a rhythm. He never noticed his father disappear to let the EMTs in, he just continued: breathe-compressions, breathe-compressions. His rhythm didn't stop until he felt his father's strong arms pull him away as two paramedics took over, placing a tube down Charlie's throat to push in air and attaching the defibrillator.
The sight of his brother's small, pale body reacting to the current being sent to his heart and the sound of his mother's anguished cry brought Donnie out of his self-imposed trance. After the second shock they got a rhythm and the questions started; What's his name?…How old is he?…. Can you tell us what happened?"
Donnie was the first to speak, "Ch-Charlie. He- he's 13.." A thought suddenly accruing to him, he raced into his brother's room and quickly picked up the prescription bottle he had noticed earlier. He started crying out even before he got back to the door. "This!…I-I think he took th-this!" An EMT took the bottle, glancing at it and frowning, placing it in the bag next to him. Margaret immediately recognized the bottle, "Oh God, this is my fault," she cried, Alan pulling her to her feet as the EMTs got Charlie onto the stretcher and prepared to move him. One paramedic was pushing air into his still form.
As they quickly, but carefully got Charlie to the front door of the Craftsman, the female EMT glanced at Alan asking, "Who's coming?"
Alan felt Margaret's hand tighten on his arm as he unconsciously held her tighter, he glanced at her face, seeing the fear, knowing no matter how strong of a woman she normally was, she couldn't do this alone, "Both of us, please, can we both come?"
The paramedic looked at him sympathetically, "One of you will have to ride up front." Alan nodded as they followed them out the door, "Th-thank you…." Alan helped Margaret into the back with Charlie. His attention turned momentarily toward his oldest son, now standing on the front porch, unsure what to do, "Donnie, follow us in the car son." Alan then quickly climbed in the front. Donnie watched as the vehicle carrying his baby brother, sped down the street, sirens blearing.
He turned slowly, walking back into the house, a million thoughts going through his mind. He knew he needed to get the keys to the car, he knew he needed to hurry and get to the hospital. Yet he found himself slowly walking back up the stairs; back toward his baby brother's room. Stepping over the discarded medical packages the EMT"S had used, he reached for the light switch on the wall. The light seemed so much brighter than before, as if it was trying to blind him to what had just happened.
He saw the overturned glass, Charlie had apparently used, on the floor, the EMT had taken the pill bottle with them. The room looked surprisingly normal considering what had just occurred. Donnie sat heavily on the bed and put his head in his hands. Suddenly the control he had managed to keep broke, he was shaken by sobs. The kind that shake your entire body and try to steal your breath. He couldn't ever remember crying this hard.
"WHY!!!"
He yelled at the top of his voice. As the echo of his anguished cry faded his eyes fell on a notebook lying nearly hidden under the bed. Notebooks and Charlie were hand-in-hand, but this one was different. Instead of being full of numbers and equations, this one was full of words. He picked it up and read the first line:
I'm sorry, I wish I was normal………..
His breath caught in his throat as he realized what he was holding. It was Charlie's suicide note. His head swam at the thought of his baby brother even knowing what a suicide note was. He couldn't read any further, not now. He jumped up, clutching the notebook close. He ran down the stairs, grabbing the keys as he passed the table and ran out the back door toward the garage. He had to get to the hospital and he had to get there now. He couldn't loose his brother, he wouldn't.
He broke nearly all the speed laws between the house and the hospital. Fortunately every cop between the two places must have been on break as he wasn't stopped once.
The ride to the hospital was silent except for the beeping of the monitor that was attached to Charlie and the rhythm of the EMT pushing air into his still chest. The silence was occasionally broken as the EMT relayed Charlie's vitals to the hospital, and by Margaret's sobs as she held the limp, cool hand of her baby. The halo of dark curls framing his pale face gave him a peaceful, angelic look that frightened her. Alan kept glancing back from the passenger seat, tears streaming down his face as he again asked the driver, "How much farther?" His question was answered with the call to dispatch that their ETA was two minutes. The driver was informed that additional medical personnel were standing by for their arrival.
As they pulled into the ambulance bay, Alan saw several people who rushed to the rear of the rig as it came to a halt. Before she was ready to let go, Charlie's hand was pulled from Margaret's grip as the EMT followed him out, still pushing air into his chest.
"White male…13.…name's Charlie….possible overdose of sleeping pills….ingestion less then 30 minutes, unknown number ingested. No pulse or respiration upon arrival, CPR was being performed though."
Margaret was being guided by Alan as they followed the stretcher that carried Charlie through the emergency room doors.
"Okay, I'll need a vent attached, we also need to prep him for a stomach pump, do we know what he took?" The paramedic thrust the pill bottle into the doctors hand, he glanced at it. "I want tox screens to find out how much of this is in his system……." The doctor's voice trailed off and as they went through another door, a nurse blocked Margaret and Alan's way.
"I need to be with him, please." Margaret pleaded.
"I'm sorry, we can't let you into the trauma rooms, the doctors need room to work, please have a seat and someone will be out as soon as they know something." The nurse turned and disappeared behind the doors that very well could be separating Charlie from his family forever.
"Alan?" Margaret turned and looked at her husbands tear stained face that matched her own, "Why?…..Why did my baby do this?" She pleaded for an answer that Alan couldn't give.
"I don't know….I don't know….." He whispered as he drew her close, holding her tightly, leading her to one of the waiting chairs.
Donnie pulled into one of the ER parking spots and turned the engine off. He had barely been able to see through the tears as he drove. He looked at the notebook he'd tossed onto the seat beside him. He needed to know why, before he went inside, he needed to know why. With shaking hands he reached for the notebook, turning on the dome light, wiping his eyes, he read:
I'm sorry, I wish I was normal.
You all have sacrificed so much for me. I took away your normal family life when this 'curse' I have was discovered.
Nobody can begin to understand what is going on in my head. I wish I could shut it off but I can't. I've taken up enough of your lives. Mom shouldn't have to go with me away from dad and Donnie.
I've taken so much from Donnie.
I took his normal childhood away; even his parents, He gave up so much for me and I'm sorry. I hope he can have his normal life back once I'm gone.
I ruined high school for him. I don't want to ruin his graduation too. That should be his. His life can be his own again after tonight.
After tonight, mom and dad won't have to fight anymore about where I'll go to school. Mom won't have to give up more of her family for me.
This is the only way I know to make the numbers stop and give my family their normal life back.
After tonight everything will better.
I'll miss them. I love them so much, especially Donnie.
Though I doubt he cares. I'll miss him most.
Donnie sat and stared. Could his brother really have thought they'd be better off without him? That he'd be better off without him? His breathing was becoming quick, as he stumbled from the car. The notebook was clutched to his chest, as if it was a life line to Charlie. His head swam as he made his way toward the emergency room entrance. He needed to get inside, to get to his brother and tell him he was so wrong.
He didn't hear the nurse ask him if he was okay as he stumbled along the wall, his breath coming harder. Alan had been splitting his attention between the trauma room doors and the entrance, becoming worried when Donnie hadn't arrived right after them. The nurse's concerned voice caught his attention as he looked again toward the entrance. He saw the pale, stumbling form of his eldest son making his way down the hall. Brushing off the nurses attempt to help him.
"Donnie?" Alan pulled away from Margaret, who had looked up when she heard Alan's voice.
"Dad", Donnie's voice choked out as he saw his father rise. He stopped and leaned his head against the wall, his breathing coming in gasps. The nurse was still beside him, trying to help him remain standing. "Daddy, I'm sorry", Donnie choked as his knees gave out.
Alan ran forward. The nurse had managed to slow Donnie's fall, Alan reached him and slide down to the floor holding his son upright, "Donnie?" Alan took his sons face into his hands, he saw panic and fear in Donnie's eyes.
"Sir you need to slow your breathing down." Donnie vaguely heard the nurse's voice as he focused on his father. Alan became aware of Donnie moving his hands, trying to push something toward him. He looked down and saw the notebook, then looked again at Donnie.
"Dad…." Donnie was gasping between words, tears streaming down his face. "it's……Charlie's…….suicide note…." Donnie was breathing so heavily Alan feared he'd pass out, but as the words just spoken sunk in Alan just stared at Donnie, then at the notebook, then back at Donnie again.
Suddenly an automated alarm sounded over the hospital PA, "All emergency personnel…Trauma Room 2, immediate assistance Trauma 2. Code Blue. Repeat, Code Blue, Trauma 2" Alan's attention was ripped from the notebook as he heard Margaret's terrified scream,
"CHARLIE!!!!"
Author note: want to take a minute and thank Fraidycat who offered her Beta services to me. She gave me some really great ideas and points to ponder. However in the end any errors are all mine. Hope they aren't to bad though and that you enjoyed the beginning chapter, still a work in process and may take me a little time, but please stick with me and I'll try my best not to disappoint. Thanks
