The Dead Pan Contest

Title: Sookerella – The Glass Slipper

Story/movie parodied: Cinderella (The Pantomime)

Characters: Sookie, Lafayette, Eric, Pam, Bill, Lorena, Victor, Felipe, Quinn

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters CH/AB does. Cinderella is attributed to Gianni Battista (1566-1632), I hope he doesn't sue me either ...

Summary: Our favorite SVM/TB characters are part of a production Sookerella. There is a pantomime in the production and a view of the cast's real lives, to create a multi-layered, humorous and a little bit sexy story. Prepare to hate and boo the villains and love the good guys over two acts and an epilogue.

A/N :

Pantomime, not to be confused with 'mime' but commonly shortened to 'panto' is musical theatre in a bawdy and comic style.

The origins go back to Ancient Greece, with strong links to Opera, but nowadays these performances are found all over Europe, Japan, Jamaica, South Africa and Canada. They are most performed over Christmas and the New Year holidays, although children are a large part of the average audience the cross dressing, in jokes, double entendres and mild sexual innuendo are designed to go over their little heads. Think the Shrek movies

Audience participation is a must, singing along to the songs, heckling the bad guy and applauding the 'goodies' – it's lots of fun if you can attend.

Oh! The cross dressing! The leading male juvenile character is called the 'Principal Boy' and is portrayed by an attractive young woman in a male outfit designed to show off her charms. In Cinderella the Principal Boy is often Prince Charming, but I gave it to Pam/Dandini because Prince Charming just had to be the Viking right? The older and 'bad' female characters are played by men in drag, very badly done on purpose for the comic effect, hence the Ugly Sisterhood of Felipe and Victor.

I hope you like it! If you do I would love to continue the AH part into a longer fic ... maybe the gang could get that show and Pam, Eric, Sookie and Lafayette go off to film it ... I doubt we have seen the last of 'William H Compton III' either.

Enjoy and CURTAIN UP

Anon.

^v^

Charlaine Harris, the playwright and Alan Ball, renowned director are sitting alone in Alan's office at the Sangreal, a small theatre in Baton Rouge, Louisiana ....

"Charlaine, they really cannot afford to mess up this dress rehearsal, we've made the decision not to tell them, but having two of the country's leading scouts in the audience is a seriously big deal, it could get us away from fleapits like this!"

His companion is a pleasant looking middle-aged lady, this is her first play after years of writing quite successful mystery novels ... no one has to tell her how important this is.

"I'm quite aware of that," she says in her Southern drawl with more than a little old family steel behind it, "but they are such a young cast, and, with the exception of Northman and Stackhouse, this is probably the biggest production they have performed. If we tell them, I feel that their nerves will surely get the better of them ..." she paused, "besides, what can possibly go wrong?"

Sookerella the Pantomime

Cast

Sookerella – Sookie Stackhouse

Prince Charming – Eric Northman

Dandini – Pamela Ravenscroft

The Fairy Godmother – Claudine Crane

Baron Emo Hardup – William H Compton III

Buttons – Lafayette Reynolds

The Wicked Stepmother – Lorena Homaker

The Ugly Sisters – Felipe de Castro & Victor Madden

Roberto the Footman – Bobby Burnley

Bob (a cat) – John Quinn

Narrator – Niall Brigrant

With thanks to the prompter – Terry Bellefleur

Act one

Scene one

The kitchen at Stoneybroke Manor, dark and cold, Sookerella is shivering in her rags and talking with her cat Bob, as she sweeps the stone floor ...

Sookerella – Oh Bob! Why does my stepmother hate me so? Ever since she married my Father he has told me that we have to make her and her daughters welcome, but they are so mean to me. They think awful things about me, and ever since they came, we have been so poor. It was never like this when my dear Mama, Sophie Anne was here ... she was so good, what Papa sees in Lorena I don't know! Yet she is so kind to her own 'girls', Felipia and Vickie!

Bob – (from where he is curled up on the floor) Rohr!

Sookerella – They have everything! Beautiful clothes, all the good food, and all I get is leftover chicken strips from Master Merlotte's Pie Shoppe (whispers). They say he has a dog in there somewhere!

Bob – Rohr?

Narrator – But for poor Sookerella there was no comfort to be found, her dresses came from Wal-Mart's Emporia of Tat or were hand-me-downs from her step sisters—even though they were much bigger than she, except in the chest region... She had to work hard all day; it was only when the sun started to set that she was allowed to sit near the burnt down fire, in the cinders. That was why everyone called her Sookerella .... "Ah, excuse me? Alan, Charlaine? That bit is not making much sense? I know Stackhouse thinks she's a big star but surely...ow! What did you do that for Terry? They only keep you here because your family owns the theatre you lunatic!"

Bob – Meow Babe!

Sookerella – What's that you say Bob? 'Cheer up Babe? You are far more tasty that those two old hags, even in rags, Babe. ' Thank you, but my life is so huh huh hard! Harder than anyone with a cute ponytail has ever had ... (Breaks down crying whilst Bob rubs himself against her leg and licks it … Ugh! Get off you pervert!

Lights fade and when we return we are in The Kitchen, Stoneybroke Manor and it is daylight.

Narrator – "Sookie!"One day an invitation is delivered to the Baron. A ball is to be held at Castle Glamorous and there are rumours that the Prince seeks a bride to be his future Queen. The invite was addressed to Baron Hardup (you whining fool), Baroness (Biatch), Felipia, Vickie (Thing one and two) and Sookerella. The women decided to ignore the pencilled comments after their names; they looked just like the handwriting of Dandini, the Prince's right hand man. Soon beautiful dresses and furs started to arrive from Dame Tara's Togs, three to be exact. A purple slutty gown for Vickie, a red PVC number for her sister and a sparkly black mini dress that was far too young for their Mother (and showed off her varicose veins.)

Felipia enters from stage left, followed by her sister, to join Sookerella who is looking at the dresses on the kitchen table.

Felipia – Oh dear Sookerella, there seems to be no dress for you, now why would that be?

Vickie – Because there wasn't one to fit her huge, fat ass?

Felipia – (laughing until snot comes out of nose) Or her huge mammaries.

(Both break into a song and dance routine for 'Thanks for the Mammaries', while Bob does a tango with a ragdoll that looks a lot like Sookerella. The gardener's boys come in on backup vocals)

Felipia – Ugh Bob! You've got this doll all wet, how did you do that?

Bob – (leering) Rohr!

Felipia – What was I saying before our big number?

Vickie –You were explaining that Sookerella doesn't need a dress because she won't be going to Prince Charming's balls. I say Prince Charming's Ball!

Prompter holds a card up telling the audience to Boo

Boooooooooo!

Vickie – Shut it peasants! They say he's looking for a wife, and plans to pledge himself to her, anyone getting that hunk of Viking meat will be walking funny until their fifth anniversary!

Sookerella – Why aren't I going? That's just not fair, I was invited too!

Felipia – (slapping her across the face with her glove) You will stay here and wash my panties and scrub the floors. Or scrub my panties, sometimes I have problems with wind you know...once you have done that you may make up our coffins...

Terry – "Oh jeez! Beds"

Felipia – I meant beds! Make up our beds and turn them down. Parties always start late at the Castle for some reason, and we will be tired when we return at dawn, especially after all that line dancing...

Together – Yee haw! (Exiting stage left)

Scene Two

Baron Hardup's study. The Baron is engrossed with his scrolls and quills.

Narrator – For some time now Baron Hardup has been working on a manuscript, entitled 'Legends of the Bloodsuckers', it aims to prove that the myth of creatures that feed on human blood and describe them. Since he has started this undertaking he has had even less time for his only daughter...

Sookerella – Father! Will you please look at me for just five minutes! Since you started your manuscript I may as well be invisible to you, our relationship is suffering!

Baron Hardup –Women today! They demand every bit of one's time! What is it my dear? I am at a very important stage in my work.

Sookerella – YOUR wife and her daughters have said that I can't go to the ball at the Castle; she said we don't have the money for a dress for me. Vickie and Felipia want me here to do chores for them, it's not fair!

Baron Hardup – Sookerella you really must show your stepmother more respect-

Sookerella – More respect? Daddy she hates me, I can't think why you married her and brought her here, she is so different from my dear Mama! I am sure that she has you under some sort of spell!

Baron Hardup – Sookerella, you will watch your tongue and behave like a lady!

Sookerella – A lady? Are you mad? I am treated like a servant here rather than a daughter of this house and you are too spineless to do anything about it! I hate you!

Baron Hardup – That will be all young lady, you will certainly not being going to any ball and you can be assured that you will be doing whatever chores your stepmother asks of you for some time to come! I don't know where that little outburst came from but I will not tolerate being spoken to that way. You may go!

Sookerella – But Father-

Baron Hardup – Leave now Sookerella, I will not speak of this again.

Sookerella flees the study to the stage right, sobbing loudly.

The Kitchen, Sookerella enters stage left.

Narrator – Sookerella was heartbroken at her Father's harsh words and decides to find away to move away from Stoneybroke Manor as soon as possible.

There is a flash of peach light and the sound of a thousand little bells tinkling.

The Fairy Godmother descends from the rigging.

Fairy Godmother – (being lowered on wires, in a harness) "Oi you, stage hand, this harness has gone right up my...oh sorry! Are we on? Oops"

Terry Bellefleur – "For fuck's sake Claudine! This is the dress rehearsal; we need to be getting this right!"

Fairy Godmother – "Oh shush soldier boy" ...Sookerella, dry your bitter tears! You shall go to the ball!

Sookerella – (wailing) Oh how can I? I am dressed in rags, I'll never get past Dandini Barbie looking like this and even if I did I'd be thrown out in seconds! Everyone knows Dandini shops at Ye Chanel and looks down on everyone else because of it.

Fairy Godmother – Never fear! Claudine is here! I am not your fairy cousin for nothing you dork! (Waves her wand in the air) Armani, Valentino, Vera Wang, give us couture, we need élan, clothe this hick as fast as you can!

Sookerella – Oh how beautiful Fairy Godmother, white with red flowers and it shows off my bosoms to perfection!

Fairy Godmother – Er yes it does. Now! A coach, fetch me a pumpkin quickly, and don't mark the dress it has to go back in the morning! You, cat, if that is what you really are, fetch for me seven mice – NOT DEAD ONES – and make sure they are always mice if you get my drift.

Bob – meow (exits at the rear of the stage)

Scene Three

Outside the Manor House at sunset, Sookerella has the pumpkin and Bob has five mice and two hamsters.

The Fairy Godmother – I said mice you mangy cat!

Bob – Rohr!

Sookerella – Bob says the other mice changed into stable boys who were indulging in some slash, they ran away so he went and liberated my stepsisters' midnight snacks instead.

Fairy Godmother – Yuck!

Narrator – with a flick of her wand, "You are doing so well my dear-"

Fairy Godmother – "Thank you so much Grandfather!"

Terry Bellefleur – "Can we keep on script please?"

Narrator – "Sorry!" With a flick of her wand the pumpkin turned into a glorious coach, made by the finest coach makers in the land, it was called La Corvetta. The mice and a relieved looking hamster became six beautiful white horses and the final rodent turned into a liveried Coachman whose name badge read 'Roberto' , "that's an odd name for a hamster isn't it Alan? Alan?"

Terry Bellefleur – (in a stage whisper) "Your carriage awaits ...."

Roberto – Your carriage awaits milady (aside to the audience – manor trash! Who does she think she is? The Prince will not spare her a glance; he's mine, all MINE! Soon someone will write some Bobby/Eric slash and I will get me some gracious plenty. I will never have to spend time with Sir Gere again! I dream of kissing down his taut, cool chest-

Audience – Boooooooooooo (and some appear to be retching)

Fairy Godmother –"I think I have been a bit sick in my mouth ..."Sookerella, get into the Coachvette quickly, we don't have much time!

Sookerella – But Fairy Godmother, I have nothing on my feet, do you think I could get some nice stilettos, a thong, some lip gloss and maybe a Hairgami?

Fairy Godmother – No to the Hairgami (shudders) if I get you a thong it will get ripped off.

Sookerella (in a hopeful voice) Oh my goodness, that's dirty talk that is.

Roberto – (to the audience) And I bet this redneck thinks that a Brazilian is a guy who makes really good coffee....

Terry Bellefleur – "One more word Bobby and I quit!" (Then he bursts into tears)

Fairy Godmother – Shush you! Get on La Coachvette! Oh yes, silly me, the shoes, 'Manolo Blahnik, Jimmy Choo, please, some shoes, we beseech you!'

Puff of smoke around Sookerella's feet

Sookerella –"Cough, cough Fudge! Can't you have an effing flash of light or something?"

Terry Bellefleur – sobbing harder.

Sookerella – Oh cool! Glass slippers!

Fairy Godmother – Prince Charming, it is reported, has a thing about nice feet, this way he can see yours in all their – oh hell in a hand basket when did you last have a pedicure? You have feet like a tin mining Brownie and those hands...Hold them out!

'OPI, OPI make this girl a treat for the eye'

(Addresses the front row), "Alan? Who do we have writing this garbage? Jason & Fortenberry? Never heard of them, you should sack them, they are shit!"

Narrator – "Claudine! Remember the test audience! There are children present."

Fairy Godmother – "Oh crap! Sorry Grandfather!"

Sookerella –Oh what a lovely shade! Is that 'I am not a waitress' from the OPI Summer Collection; I just love their wide range of colours and excellent quality at such great prices. (Sighing and rolling eyes)

Narrator – And now a word from our sponsors-

A jingle is heard and two men dressed as bottles of nail polish dance across the stage... 'Weak and splitting nails from too much housework? You need 'Nail Envy' now available in the lobby'

Fairy Godmother – "I am never working in this company again! I have been off Broadway you know!" Oh just get into the f- gosh darned coach! Remember though, cousin, at midnight the spell ends and the coach will turn back into a pumpkin, and these (with a very pointed look at Roberto) will turn back into vermin!

Roberto – "Fairy bitch, you'll get yours!"

Audience – "Oh no she won't!"

Roberto – "Oh yes she will!"

Audience – (louder) "Oh no she won't!"

Roberto – Look, I am not going to argue with you peasants but let's just say it's called 'Dead and Gone' for a reason okay?

Audience – Boooooooo. One small child – "Shit Mommy! Bitch! Crap! Owww!"

Terry Bellefleur – "In the name of George Dubya Bush I beg you!"

Fairy Godmother – (shouting over the mayhem) And your clothes will become rags once more! Midnight!

Sookerella – That is so not fair! The invite said the party goes on until dawn?

Fairy Godmother – Ungrateful little witch, I have to get the frock back. Don't spill gin all down it whatever you do, I have heard about you Sookerella- Jane Bodehouse Hardup

Sookerella – well really!

Act Two

Scene One

Lights go up on the Ballroom at Castle Glamorous. Prince Charming sits on his gilded throne, set on a dais on one side of the sumptuously decorated room. There are many finely dressed people dancing in front of him. His valet and squire, Dandini is standing behind his chair....

Sookie enters the ballroom stage left

Prince Charming – Dandini! Excuse me but can you put that waitress down for just one minute? Thank you. Now, pray tell me who is that charming creature who is attempting to steal what looks like a hair accessory out of Lady Samara's purse?

Dandini – Pats the squirebanger on the tushy I faith I do not know my Master, but she is somewhat delectable for a bloodbag...

Prince Charming – Dandini! We are supposed to be undercover here! Discretion is the better part of valour and all that...

Dandini – "Alan, I don't think I got the rewrite? My script says we've had a great revelation?" To Eric – "I knew Stackhouse had implants! Haven't I been saying so for weeks?"

Terry Bellefleur – "Pam, you are gettin' on my last nerve!"

Dandini – I shall bring the girl before you Master.

Dandini goes to Sookerella and makes her put the Hairgami back in Lady Samara's purse and then escorts her over to Prince Charming's throne...

Sookerella – He's quite a hottie isn't he? Look at that hair, just like spun gold, his huge blue eyes, just like a shard from a glacier. Not to mention, did I mention, the tight leather breeches that encase him like a caterpillar embraces a butterfly...

Roberto – who is looking in through the ballroom windows, those breeches! You can count each individual hair on his- ducks behind the scenery as Terry opens fire

Narrator – "Nobody panic! The show must go on! Just one of the lights blowing..."

Dandini – His Royal Highness the Prince Charming, this is Sukeh Iz'mine.

Prince Charming – A very unusual name my dear, is it French?

Sookerella – Ugh! No! Those Cajuns killed my Grandma! It does not hail from your Kingdom Sir but from a land 'Far Away', called the Kingdom of Fangtasia.

To the audience – "What? That's my Twitter scrolls alias... as if I would give him my real name, I have heard the cook gossiping about him with the gardener, he's known as quite the womanizer! And he's fond of hunting, yuck. At least I think so; I've heard rumours that he has dogs called 'pussyhounds'."

Prince Charming – I cannot say that I have ever heard of it. Maybe you would care to tell me more whilst we are dancing Milady?

Sookerella – with a trilling laugh that causes the chandeliers to vibrate and the Prince to wince – My Fairy Godmother warned me about you Sir, you have a quite a reputation as a ladies' man and to beware that my dress didn't become caught on your fans. At least I think she said fans, my cat was snoring at the time, maybe she means those 'ladies' over there?

She gestures to the corner of the dais where a group of overly made up debutantes, wearing PVC, are throwing their bloomers at the Prince.

Prince Charming – They are gruesome are they not? Do you know we have to pay someone to scrape up those things after events are over? And they are taking the finish off my beautiful floor!

(Aside to the audience) I know Dandini keeps some, the pervert! The rest get sold on Ebay by Longshadow, my butler. Auctions normally start on a Sunday and his username is 'Princesbitch', you.... "Sorry Alan, yes Alan (shuts up quickly) Sorry Terry! Please don't shoot (whispers) I'll cut you in if you like..."

Prince Charming – Ahem, do not worry about anything my dear, I shall be the perfect gentleman. Now, about that dance?

Sookerella – Oh hedge! Why not? Give me another G and T and we'll give it a whirl.

Prince Charming – aside to Dandini – Make it a treble.

The ballroom is full of people but for Prince Charming and Sookerella it is as if they are the only ones there... (Mainly due to the Prince's exuberant dancing style and the Fairy Godmother forgetting the antiperspirant)

Prince Charming – Why is it that I have never seen such a beautiful creature as you in my Father's Kingdom before? Are you a gatecrasher my dear?

Sookerella – No of course I'm not, I was invited! It's just that I don't get out that much you know, I am very busy at home.

Prince Charming – Busy with what?

Sookerella – I read a lot and I do erm embroidery.

Prince Charming – Forgive my impudence, but you are not married are you?

(Aside to the audience) It would be just my luck to find a fit bird and she's married. All the decent women I meet these days are gay, married, or in prison.

Sookerella – No Sire! In fact I don't even have any suitors; I am very much a homebody.

Prince Charming – Interesting. Do you ride at all?

Narrator – (Groaning) here we go again, Northman and his famous ego, he'll be telling her about his 'proud stallion' next...

A loud crash from the front row shuts him up. Someone carries the fainting woman out of the theatre.

Sookie – Never tried it I'm afraid, you do I suppose, being a Prince and all?

Prince Charming – I like nothing more my dear! Well unless you count breaking a spirited filly that has never known a bridle... Words cannot describe how it feels to have a powerful, impassioned beast between one's thighs, unless you have felt it...First hand. Woof!

Sookerella –Is there a dog in here? (Puts her hands up slowly when she notices Terry Bellefleur's well trained aim)

Prince Charming – I am sure there is not. I personally made sure that Merlotte's invitation was rescinded!

(They laugh together toothily)

Sookerella – I can see how horseback riding would appeal my Lord, but I am sorry to say that I have never experienced the pleasure that you describe.

Prince Charming – Oh my Goodness! You don't ride...side saddle...do you? No feminist leanings at all, ever spent time alone with Dandini?

Sookerella – (aside to the audience) So pretty but such a twit!

Sookerella – No Prince Charming, as I told you I am a simple girl. My oh my! Isn't it hot in here?

"Who wrote this trash Northman, anyone would think this was Gone With the Wind! Oh! Sorry Charlaine."

Prince Charming – Now you mention it Sukeh it is rather sultry in here, shall we step out onto the balcony for some air? There is something I must discuss with you anyway and I do not care to do so in front of all these people.

(Aside to the audience) I bet she goes like a steam train when you get her stoked up! But first I shall have to see how she reacts to my secret...

Prince Charming and Sookerella are standing on the balcony at Castle Glamorous. The night is dark, all but for the lights of the fountains below and the stars twinkling in the sky. A crescent moon casts a pale glow over the couple...

Sookerella – Oh Your Highness, it's so pretty here!

Prince Charming – You must call me Alexander my dear, no need to be so formal when we are alone. It is rather beautiful here, but its beauty does not match yours my Lady. Your eyes remind me of the crystal blue skies of my youth, so very long ago.

Sookerella – But Prince Alexander, you are still so young! Has the sky changed that much in such a short time?

Prince Charming – Oh crap! Er I mean global warming my dear one, it's affected the um, blueness factor of the sky particles! (smiles winningly)

Sookerella – I may be a simple girl my Lord but even I know that is not real science! Why in Kingdom Geographicus it says...

Narrator – But before she can speak further Prince Charming silences her with a searing kiss. Proof positive, if such were needed, that most men prize a nice pair over intelligence any day of the week.

Sookerella – (aside to the audience when they break away) Well color me horny! This boy can kiss! When he turns around make sure you get a good look at his butt, that's Royalty standard right there!

Woman in the second row faints, more yelling for smelling salts.

Sookerella – Alexander stop! I really must protest! You can't just go around planting award winning smooches on a girl! In fact I feel one of my tantrums coming on...but at the same time I am inexplicably horny, that's very odd.

Prince Charming – Come on now Lover! There is no need to be shy. Everyone knows that I am looking for a mate and I am quite a catch you know (tosses his hair over his shoulders, shampoo commercial style)

Arlene, the theatre usher is sent to the drug store to get more smelling salts.

Sookerella – (in a low, threatening tone that shows she is force six on the tantrum scale) Oh you think so do you? Well let me tell you Buddy-

Prince Charming – Buddy! Buddy? I am Crown Prince and heir to the Kingdom of Great Louisiana and the Sheriff Duke of Renardium County! Who are you calling Buddy?

Sookerella – You, cloth ears! Has your head swollen so much that you have become hearing impaired?

Prince Charming – (sputters) One day my proud beauty, and that day is not too far away, you shall yield to me and become my bonded! Then you will show me the proper respect!

Sookerella – Don't hold your breath!

Prince Charming – If only she knew... Enough of this childish posturing! Come inside and let us announce our betrothal, I assume your Father is here so I may inform him of our plans?

Sookerella - Of all the high handed...get off me you a hole!

Narrator – The Prince was so shocked by her unladylike outburst that he let go of her arm. Sookerella quickly took advantage and ran away down the stairs that led from the balcony to the front of the Palace, where her carriage awaited her.

Prince Charming – Sukeh! Wait! Where are you going?

The lights fade and Sookerella is seen running down the last of the steps and we hear the Prince in hot pursuit.

Prince Charming – (from off stage) Sukeh! Wait for me Lover! We must talk!

Narrator – Just as she reached the final step Sookerella tripped and lost one of her glass slippers.

Sookerella – Oh fudge! Fairy Godmother is going to kill me for this! I have to get away from that arrogant man, who I inexplicably want to ravish me...

Narrator – As Sookerella nears the carriages the Palace clock begins to strike midnight but she is attempting to wipe her foot on the grass, forgetting the Fairy Godmother's words!

Sookerella- Jesus, Shepherd of Judea! Can't they even clear up the doggie do around here? Yuck, ugh, urg!

Roberto – What took you so long? It's nearly midnight; don't you ever look at your wristwatch?

Sookerella – no pea brain, because they haven't been invented yet! Now just start up La Corvetta and let's haul ass!

Prince Charming – (arriving just as the carriage disappears around a bend in the drive) I will find you Lover! You can be most sure of that!

Narrator – As Sookerella and her carriage move out of the Prince's sight there is another flash of light. Sookerella finds herself sitting on the roadway, dressed once again in rags, covered in mashed pumpkin and surrounded by various rodents, one of whom is climbing out of a footman's uniform...

She begins the long, lonely trudge home knowing she must be there in time to complete all her chores before the Ugly Sisters get up much later in the day. With a weary sigh she picks up the mice and hamsters, getting bitten by one of the latter, and sets her feet on the road back to the Manor house.

Scene Two

Narrator – It is the following evening. Prince Charming and his Squire are in the Prince's study at the Palace. The Prince sits behind his desk in a huge hide chair whilst Dandini lolls on the couch.

Prince Charming – (setting Sookerella's lost slipper on his desk) How many females are there in Father's Kingdom, between the ages of, say, eighteen to thirty?

Dandini – You should know the answer to that better than anyone Master, but I would say it's in the several thousands...

Prince Charming – I thought we may be a little more scientific than that, maybe concentrate on all the households that received an invite before we start riding miles away! Stupid boy!

Dandini – Your Highness is most clever. We have already ascertained that her name is an alias but surely you would recognize her if you saw her?

Prince Charming – Well...yes of course. But I had rather a lot of his Majesty's best cognac to give me courage in the face of all those pushy matrons and their desperate daughters, do not fear faithful Dandini, I have a foolproof plan. We try this glass slipper on the possible candidates, and if the slipper fits, the girl is mine! I know I have had many young ladies vying for my affections in the past and I haven't exactly been an angel but this girl has affected me like no other in the way she stood up to me. She seemed to see into my very soul! It was even as though she could read my thoughts Dandini, I felt such a bond with her, she has to be mine. Enough talking! Organize your men; we have much ground to cover before dawn!

Narrator – The Prince and villains searched far and wide, well within the Prince's carefully planned grid. All the houses had women and girls that were desperate to get their foot into the slipper and win the Prince's hand. After three days of fruitless searching and with only half an hour to go until dawn he came upon the drive to Stoneybroke Manor.

Dandini – Fuck a zombie! Just look at the state of this driveway sire, we cannot risk taking your sports carriage up there! It would ruin your suspension. Why wouldn't Baron Hardup see to its maintenance?

Prince Charming – (cuffing Dandini around the head) Presumably because he's hard up you imbecile! It's too close to dawn for us to visit to there anyway. Send a crew of men here during this day to fix this abomination, give them a scroll to pass on to the Baron's page explaining what we are doing and making him aware that he is to receive us at first dark with the females of his household.

Dandini – As you wish, I cannot see that anywhere as lowly as this can be the resting place of your future Queen though my Lord.

Prince Charming – You are such a disgraceful snob you know Dandini! Just do as I ask you and the rest we will leave to fate...

Narrator – The next evening Prince Charming and his entourage arrived at the gates of Stoneybroke Manor. They were all feeling the Prince's nerves – this was one of the last households in the Kingdom and he had begun to despair of ever finding his beautiful 'Sukeh' and making her his wife. He turns his sports carriage onto the newly surfaced carriage road and heads for the house.

Buttons – Sookerella child! Why is you still dressed in those po' rags? That fine piece of Royal beef will be here within the half hour and you need to be properly dressed to meet him!

Sookerella- Prince Alexander is coming here, Buttons?

Buttons – Prince Alexaaaander is it? Woo hoo girl, what happened at that party at the Castle that you is so familiar with Mr. January?

Sookerella – What are you talking about? I can't understand you at the best of times but that last sentence made no sense whatsoever!

Buttons –Sooks, did you never see the calendar that the Princes of the Middle Plains produced? All the proceeds went to the children of those Knights that have been killed in the recent wars. Thank goodness all that is over, there was no nice boys to see anywhere.

Sookerella – Was Alexander in this calendar then?

Buttons – Come into my pantry and I'll show you, you can get yourself tidied up while you is at it.

Narrator - They walk through the door to the right and into Buttons' pantry, the walls are decorated with posters of all the most handsome Knights and a large picture of Prince Alexander takes pride of place. Buttons opens a drawer and hands a huge makeup case to Sookerella – followed by some hair products.

Buttons – Here you take the calendar while I do something real quick with yo' hair. The makeup and dress (looks in disgust at her rags) is up to you. He's Mr January likes I said.

Sookerella – Oh my goodness! He's naked on his horse and the horse is standing on one of the mountain passes! If it wasn't for that fur coat he is holding over his, um, pommel, this would be a very indecent picture would it not?

Buttons – I'm very anti fur, that picture is enough to make a girl join P.E.T.A!

They laugh together

Buttons – Sookerella, I am being serious now girlfriend, that man is everything a girl like you could ever need or want! He's so handsome he could make yo' eyeballs melt, he kind, nice to animals rich, he smart....

Sookerella – Okay, okay I get the picture! Literally! Now go and receive them, I hear the horses on the new drive. Is it true that Prince Alexander paid for that to be done?

Buttons – And arranged for it, like I said girl, he very kind!

Buttons leaves the pantry.

Sookerella's soliloquy

Sookerella – I have no intention of going out to take part in this charade of the Prince looking for a wife, there is no way he would recognize me from the Ball, not looking like this. My so called sisters are no doubt dolled up to the nines; he won't even look at me. I will never be good enough in my stepmother's eyes. Hold on a minute! Why do I even care what that woman thinks? She has no love for me; I don't even think she loves Daddy. I don't care about her and I don't care about her opinion! My family have lived in this house for 500 years! Are those Button's fancy dress outfits? I wonder if there is anything in there I can use? Oh! A fairy costume and it looks to be just my size too! I can just take the wings off and it will be perfect. Where did Buttons put that makeup?

Narrator – Ten minutes later Sookerella is ready and moves towards the pantry door, prepared to stand up to whomever she needs to so she can see the Prince. But the door is locked!

Sookerella – Buttons! Daddy! Someone has locked me in, help me please!

Narrator – Her cries go sadly unheard through the huge oak door.

The lights fade and when they go up again we are in the Baron's Drawing Room...

Dandini – Baron Hardup, thank you for your welcome, as you are aware my Lord, Prince Charming seeks a bride. What we have not made generally known is that, on the night of the recent Ball, he met a young lady that he believes is the one he searches for and is his fated mate.

Baroness Hardup pushes herself forwards until she is standing in front of the Prince

Baroness Hardup – Both of my beautiful daughters were at that Ball Sir! May I be allowed to present them to you?

Prince Charming – You may.

Baroness Hardup – Felipia, Vickie, please come and meet His Royal Highness the Prince Charming.

They move forward with their heads dipped, attempting to look both coy and demure.

Dandini – Madam! It is usual protocol for the gentleman of the house to introduce anyone to the Prince, and usually through me!

Prince Charming – Good God above Dandini, never mind that! Look at those two frights! They even scare me; they are smiling like poison come to dinner!

Baroness Hardup – (trying to pretend she hadn't heard) Which is the one that you wish to make your bride Sir?

Baron Hardup – Lorena! You must show the proper respect to His Highness!

Baroness Hardup – Yeah? Or what? What do you intend to do to me? We both know who wears the breeches here and it's not you, old man!

Buttons – Well really Milady!

Baroness Hardup – And you can shut up as well you screaming Queen, we only keep you here because the trades people like dealing with you and you are good with hair and makeup!

Dandini – Hair and makeup eh?

Prince Charming – I could care less for your stupid family fighting! It is not as simple as you seem to think, the lady that captured my heart at the ball left something behind when she had to leave unexpectedly. Dandini, if you will...

Dandini – Yes Master, of course. The lady left this glass slipper behind, the Prince has decreed that whomsoever this slipper fits shall be named as his bride.

Felipia – (under her breath) Oh Mother, look how small that thing is! There is no way either of us will get that on! Crap!

Baroness Hardup – One of you had better...

Dandini – Come forward and sit please.

Narrator – Both of the daughters came forward and sat upon the chaise lounge. Dandini knelt at their bare feet...

Dandini –Oh yuck, look at the state of these trotters Sire, I am disinfecting my hands the minute we get back!

Narrator – Everyone held their breath as he tried to put the slipper on Felipia's foot. Her feet were so wide, however, that she couldn't even get it on part way.

Dandini – It is not Felipia Sire.

Prince Charming – (muttering) Thank the Gods for that!

Narrator – Next Dandini moved to Vickie, everyone in the room held their breath, not just because she had bad foot odor but because the tension was palpable... Her foot slipped into the slipper, everyone gasped, the Prince looked a bit sick...and then, it stuck. As much as Vickie pushed and cursed her foot would not go in more than halfway. Prince Charming sat down with a thud.

Dandini – The slipper does not fit!

Baroness Hardup – What! Yes it damn well does!

Narrator – She rushed forward and puts all her weight on her daughter's foot, attempting to force it into the dainty shoe. Vickie howled in pain and pushed at her Mother.

Vickie – Ow Mama! Stop, you're hurting me!

Baron Hardup – Lorena! Stop that right away. Can you not accept that it is not one of your daughters?

Baroness Hardup – Oh! One of 'my' daughters is it now? Well it certainly won't be your-

She falls suddenly silent.

Prince Charming – is there another female in your family?

Baroness Hardup – No! Where would you get that idea? These darling girls are our only children.

Narrator – The Prince and his Squire look at Buttons who has just moved to stand next to the Baron's chair, he is eyeing his Mistress with loathing...

Prince Charming – I will ask once more. If I suspect you of lying to me Emo Hardup I will TEAR THIS PLACE APART!

Buttons – Oooh I like him when he's vexed!

Baron Hardup – Buttons please. There is another. My daughter, born to my dear late wife, her name is Sookerella. But Sir, believe me, I have no idea where she can be! She's normally in the...er kitchen.

Prince Charming – The first daughter of this house spends her time in the kitchen like a common servant. I think I see what happened when you remarried, you weak, snivelling worm, you! Page, find the Lady Sookerella!

Buttons – I know exactly where that girl is handsome, I saw that twisted old biatch over there, the Baroness, she locked her in my pantry. I will go get her right now.

Narrator – Buttons strutted out of the room followed by the evil stares of the Baroness and her daughters. Within minutes he is back, leading a determined looking Sookerella by the hand.

Buttons – Dandini, this is the Lady Sookerella.

Narrator – As Dandini made the introductions Prince Charming stared at the vision before him. Thanks to Buttons' artistry with a comb, her beautiful blonde hair, identical in color to his own, was swept upwards from her neck, leaving it bare. She was dressed in a deep, cranberry red, gossamer gown from which peeped her small bare feet.

Dandini – (in awe) Damn! Did you do that makeover boy?

Buttons – Yes ma'am I sho' did. That po' child was dressed in rags and you would a not believed the state of her hair!

Dandini – sidling closer to Buttons – Do you do private work?

Buttons – For you baby doll we could come to an arrangement. I'm an entrepreneur first, a businessman second and a page, dead last.

Narrator – Everyone realized that Prince Charming and Sookerella have been staring at each other in silence for many moments.

Dandini – Sire? The slipper?

Prince Charming – Oh Dandini I don't think we need to-

Sookerella – Sir? I would like to try it on; I would hate anyone to think that I had been treated with favor!

(looks pointedly at her Stepmother and Stepsisters)

Prince Charming – Very well beautiful one, if that is your wish. Dandini?

Narrator – Sookerella sits down and offers her foot to Dandini. He cradles it in his hand and then slides it effortlessly into the glass slipper. As one, the onlookers gasp...

Dandini – My Lord, I am delighted to say that the slipper fits perfectly. Your Royal Highness Prince Charming, may I present the Lady Sookerella?

Narrator – much to the disgust of the Baroness and her daughters, the Prince took Sookerella's hand and, after requesting permission from her Father, leads her from the room.

Scene Three

Narrator – The couple are seated under a rose arbor in the Manor gardens, looking into each others' eyes.

Prince Charming – I was worried you had a limp until I realized that you still had the glass slipper on one foot.

Sookerella – It was kind of you to carry me. The pathways around this old place are getting so rough, you must have noticed. Was it really you that had our road fixed today? That carriage of yours looks very expensive; no wonder you didn't want to bring it up to the house last night.

Prince Charming – I had the road fixed because it needed doing and I thought your Father might say no if I consulted him. Dandini tells me off for being high handed but it's just my way, I have always been used to looking after myself so it seems natural to look after my Father's people too. Anyway that wasn't the main reason I didn't come to you last evening, it was only an hour before dawn and I couldn't risk getting trapped in the sunlight.

Sookerella – I wondered why all your social events were at night, are you allergic to the sun then? (Takes hold of his hand) poor you! I love the....Prince Alexander why is your hand so cold?

Narrator – The so often brave Prince does not know what to say and looks down at his feet waiting for whatever comes next.

Sookerella – Jesus Shepherd of Judea! You're a vampire aren't you?

Prince Charming – Lover, please do not be afraid! I would not hurt one hair on your beautiful head! I am in love with you and want to marry you but there was no way I could ask you without telling you what I truly am! I didn't even know if you knew what a vampire was, or if you believed in them if you did.

Sookerella – My Father has many books on Myth and Legend, one of them was written by a famous lady called Sofia, she spent many years researching the legend of the vampire and certainly seemed to believe it to be real. This news has certainly shocked me though; tell me, how did it happen?

Narrator – The Prince looked out over the rose gardens, and Sookerella had to struggle to hear his voice at first, he was filled with sadness and her kind heart ached for him.

Prince Charming – As you know my dear Mother died when I was just a young man and I am my parent's only child, she had suffered ill health for years and my birth only made that worse. My Father told her he would not risk her life to have another baby and risk leaving me motherless. But in the end, of course, she left us anyway.

Sookerella – I am so sorry Alexander; I was seven when my Mother died. My elder brother, Jason, hated our stepmother so much that he left on his sixteenth birthday and we have not heard anything of him since. It hurts to have your family taken away.

Prince Charming – Indeed it does. Oh my darling Sookerella, to have someone that understands! In the weeks after her death my Father was inconsolable and I, not knowing how to express my own pain, did not know how to behave around him. I took to riding my horse for hours, alone in the countryside, no one really noticed I was not there and that suited me rather well. One night I was making my way back to the Palace when I saw a man lying by the side of the road, he looked injured and I stopped to see if I could be of help.

Sookerella – And he wasn't injured?

Prince Charming - No, but I was, quite soon afterwards. He drained me and forced me to drink his blood; he buried me in the forest and waited for me to rise vampire. Oh the pain when I awoke and clawed my way from the ground! Everything was so much sharper, my hearing, my sight, I experienced a hunger like no other and I was terribly afraid.

Narrator – Sookerella pulled the stricken Prince into her arms and, without interrupting his story, stroked his hair to soothe him. She managed to hide her own tears from him.

Prince Charming – He took me to a village in the Blue Mountains, I did not know the people there and they did not recognize me. He snatched a young man giving him to me to feed. I tried so hard not to do it! But the hunger was too great! When I came to my senses the man was dead and the vile creature that had taken me was burying his poor body in the dirt, just like he had me.

Sookerella – What was the creature's name, dear one?

Prince Charming – Appius. Even now the sound of his name makes me feel afraid and sick. I tried to kill him but I could not even raise my hand to him! He explained that as my Maker he could compel me to do anything that he liked. I argued and argued but nothing swayed him. He said he was going to take me away and no one from my home would ever see me again. I could not bear the thought of my Father's men finding my horse and telling him of the blood stains by the road, I hatched a plan to at least get Appius to take me home so that I could explain to my Father, I was so naive! I didn't realize what danger I was bringing to them all.

I told Appius I had a lot of gold back at the Castle and that if we collected it I would give it all to him, I knew he could make me but I swore that if he allowed this and also let me say goodbye to my Father then I would not fight his orders and life would be much more pleasant for him. Looking back of course I can see that he thought not only would he get the gold but he would also be able to make me watch whilst he slaughtered my people.

Sookerella – Poor Alexander! You weren't to know what that monster was like; you were a young man who had just lost his Mother.

Prince Charming (in a lifeless tone) – He took me to the Castle the next night. We got in without anyone noticing and retrieved the gold but when we entered my bedchamber to collect some of my things my Father was sitting on my bed crying. He leapt to his feet when he saw me and came running to me. I found that I could hold him and not get the urge to feed from him, something that greatly surprised Appius. I explained what had happened to me and that I could never come home again.

My Father yelled for the guards but Appius cut them down one by one, faster than the eye could track. He then handed me his sword and told me to kill my Father. I could not disobey! I advanced upon my terrified Father with the sword knowing full well he would not be able to defend himself against a vampire, even one as young as I. Just before I got to him I heard a cry, a young boy rushed into the room and appeared to strike Appius in the back.

He was so fixed on my Father and me that he did not even see the lad. Before I could tell the boy to run, Appius turned into dust before our very eyes and we saw that the boy, the son of the Head Gardener, held a wooden sword for playing I had made him a few weeks before. By sheer luck he had selected a material that could kill the monster and had been lucky enough to get his heart. I can only imagine that even if Appius saw him he would have dismissed him as a harmless child. As soon as he fell his sword tumbled from my hands and I collapsed in relief.

I begged my Father to take me to the Dungeon and chain me in silver lest I hurt anyone, he did this but, miraculously, I never once wanted to feed from anyone that I knew and I could control the urge, after a time, with strangers too. It seems that all vampires have a special skill and that is one of mine.

Sookerella – What happened to the little boy who saved you both?

Prince Charming – (laughing merrily) Oh he's not so little now, you know him in fact.

Sookerella – I do?

Prince Charming – Yes, if you look over there by the house you'll see him, trying to ruin the reputation of Ellenie, your upstairs maid, the rascal!

Sookerella – Dandini!

Prince Charming – Yes. He is formal when we are in public but in private we treat each other like the brothers that we really are. I owe everything to him and I will never forget my debt.

Narrator – At the moment Prince Charming seems to notice that he has his head on Sookerella's ample bosom and that she is stroking his hair. He raised his head to look at her and blue eyes met blue eyes in a questioning glance. Sookerella trailed her hand down from his hair and over the scruff on his chin. The Prince's eyes darkened and his fangs came down. Sookerella stroked one finger over each, fascinated by them and by how such a simple action could make her Prince close his eyes and shudder.

Prince Charming –Sookerella, you know all there is to know about me now. Only you can know if you can ever come to love a creature like me...

Sookerella – Do you truly love me, Prince Alexander?

Prince Alexander – From the first moment I saw you trying to filch something from Lady Samara's purse I loved your beautiful face, but I fell in love with you when we talked and I realized that you were someone who could understand me.

Narrator – With that the Prince sank to one knee in front of an overcome Sookerella.

Prince Charming – My lady, my soul, the keeper of my heart, Sookerella Hardup, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?

Sookerella – Yes! Oh my Lord yes I will! I love you as you love me and I will spend my whole life making you happy.

Prince Charming – As I will spend the whole of mine loving you.

They kiss passionately.

Prince Charming - Did you hear me say that the talent I told you about was not the only one that I possess?

Sookerella – (dazed) Mmm, yes?

Prince Charming – (with a waggle of his eyebrow) I can also fly!

Prince Charming pulls Sookerella into his embrace and shoots straight upward.

"Bloody hell, Claudine wasn't kidding about this harness, good job I haven't got a musical number, I'd be singing falsetto after this."

Narrator – (coughs loudly) And so a decree was sent throughout the land. Alexander, Prince of Louisiana was to marry The Honorable Sookerella Hardup and all were invited to their wedding. The date of the wedding caused some gossip; the 21st of December was considered an odd choice as the weather would be cold and because it was only a few weeks away. Others said that it was the fact it was the Solstice and that Octavia, the King's Witch had decreed it an auspicious date for the marriage. The real truth was only known to four people, the happy couple themselves, Dandini and Sookerella's new ladies maid, Buttons. They all knew that the 21st of December is the shortest day of the year, giving the Prince the longest night of the year with which to pleasure his virgin bride....

The Final Act

Narrator – So the wedding evening arrived. Sookerella was walked down the aisle by her Father on one side and her dear brother, Jason, on the other. Prince Charming had found him and, when he heard that his stepmother and her horrible daughters had been cast out from his old home, persuaded him to return with his wife Michele and their two daughters. Sookerella was overjoyed to become an Aunt. She did not care that the Prince could not give her children, after all there were so many babies and children in need of a good home and she could always devote her love to her nieces Holly and Maria Star. Nothing mattered to her as long as she was with Alexander, he made her happier than she had ever been and everyone said that they had never seen the Prince smile so much as he had in the last few weeks.

It was a very happy girl that walked down the aisle to meet her handsome Prince, when he held out his hand to her she finally allowed herself to believe in fairy tales, after all her very own Fairy Godmother had brought her own happy ever after.

Curtains fall

Applause

Bows

The End

The Wrap Party (Three Months Later)

"As if a three month run in this hell hole wasn't bad enough; we even have to have the wrap party in the theatre conference suite?" Pam snarled with disgust, looking around at the makeshift bar and dance floor that had been set up the Sangreal's large meeting room.

"They have booze don't they?" asked her companion, throwing down a glass of champagne and signalling to the waiter for another. "Pity it's only free for the first hour though."

Eric Northman didn't have particularly high hopes for this party. He had been acting since he was fifteen years old and had found that these provincial productions might be okay salary wise, after all he was a big fish in a small pond here, but they didn't tend to provide much in the way of perks.

"Yeah well, you know where all the spare cash went don't you? On Miss Sookie 'Best Theatre Actress in a Supporting Role' Stackhouse's wages." Pam replied bitterly.

Eric chuckled; Pam had always had some level of antipathy against the other actress, probably professional jealousy. After all, Sookie had won one of theatre's major awards at the age of 11 for her part in Ibsen's The Guitar.

"She was the second youngest actress ever to win that you know, and it's not as is she came from a huge stage family like Tanya O'Neil"

"I know that!" testy now, "But she has been dining out on that one award for over 15 years. You know all the directors and producers want her so they can mention that award after her billing! It's old news Northman, and so is she."

"You're just annoyed because they named the production after her," he said reasonably, "although I have to admit, it is a bit odd to change it from Cinderella to 'Sookerella' just for the female lead."

"Exactly. You are like every other hormonal male, one look at those big tits and that, oh so innocent act, and you are done for!"

"Jealous are we?" he pulled Pam into his embrace pretending to look at her lustfully, "Wish you could have a rematch?"

Pam dissolved into laughter. "Oh Eric, I do love you! Don't you know that our brief fling was the thing that turned me on to women?" With an evil laugh, she grabbed another drink before the free hour was up.

Before Eric could think of a good enough comeback there was a slight commotion at the far end of the room. Alan Ball swept in, looking like he fancied himself as the cock of the walk, he had Sookie Stackhouse on his arm (although she didn't look any too pleased about it) Charlaine, the writer, bustled along in their wake.

"Doesn't Miss Big Tits and Innocence look delectable tonight though?" asked Pam.

'Delectable doesn't cover it.' Eric thought 'This is one of those times where I fantasize that I can stop time. I'd love to be able to walk over there and do unspeakable things to her, with all these people watching ....' Eric's expression must have betrayed him because Pam laughed saying "Down boy!"

Alan had led Sookie up to the bar, so all Eric could see was her back, just that much was enough to do insane things to his libido however. The dress finished just above her knees and most of her back was bare, showing smooth, brown skin. It appeared to be made from black silk but when she moved, the gathers on the skirt showed flashes of plum and a deep black cherry shade. Sookie turned around to face the room. The front of the dress revealed hardly anything, but was no less sexy. Its high halter top, with just a small tear drop shaped cut-out, revealed more tanned skin. In fact the whole thing may have been a bit predictable if not for what Sookie wore on her legs.

'Fishnets, Jesus!' Eric thought.

But these were not the ordinary hosiery worn by Goth girls the country over, they were made of huge diamond shaped holes, each one easily two inches high and nearly an inch across the widest part, and they were a deep blood red.

"I like her hose." he said to Pam. "I wonder if they are stockings?"

"Yeah I bet you do." She laughed in reply, "Come on, let's get ourselves over there before the lovely Sookie is bored to death and dribbled on by Alan. You never know Eric; maybe I can follow her to the bathroom and find out what is encased by those fishnets. I personally hope they are holdups, nothing like a little luscious thigh spilling out over the top to excite a girl to explore higher..."

"And I am supposed to be the dog in heat?" Eric led her across the room to the bar.

"Hey guys!" Sookie's Southern accent sang out when she saw them approach. She had been joined by Lafayette Reynolds who had stolen the show as Baron Hardup's Page, Buttons. Everyone in the crew knew that Sookie rarely took a role unless there was something in the script for Lafayette, even though nowadays he was earning good reviews on his own. They had been close friends since Stage School and Sookie was fiercely loyal to her best friend and confidant.

"If it isn't blonde and blonder," Lafayette drawled in a deeper approximation of Sookie's own down South accent, "don't chew both look good enough to lick!" He drew the olive off his Martini stick, with a sinuous tongue, to illustrate his point.

"Better than dumb and dumber I suppose." This was said with a sexy smile.

"Nah, Victor and Felipe are running fashionably late." Lafayette shot right back, "but don't look now, here comes Lord Olivier himself!"

Despite being told not to, Eric and Pam both turned in time to see Bill Compton approach. Eric was interested to hear a sigh from Sookie that indicated he was far from welcome.

"Hi Bill," Alan called out, "I am just getting a table and some champagne, would you like to join us?"

"William, please Alan, you know I insist upon it." he tugged on his cravat, "I am not drinking, I cannot say too much about my new role but you know I believe in method acting and my new character does not drink."

"Fuck, Billy, you'll be dehydrated by opening night."

Everyone, but Bill, laughed along with Pam's acerbic comment.

Ever the peace maker, Alan began to usher the prima donnas, sorry, actors over to a large round table set up in front of the dance floor. He had waiters follow him with trays of glasses, bottles of champagne and a large carafe of water for Bill.

There was a light scuffle as Bill, Alan and Lafayette all went to sit either side of Sookie. The lady herself took charge though, announcing that it should always be 'boy-girl' seating and her calm instructions won. Eric found himself sandwiched between Charlaine and Sookie with Lafayette on Sookie's other side. Immediately a plump, be ringed hand clutched his left arm and he found himself looking down into the writer's eager gaze.

"You did such a perfect job of Prince Charming, Eric, you were just how I imagined him when I was writing. Hard and tough on the outside with a soft, soft center." the hand caressed his arm, "In fact I was glad I stuck to my guns with the producers and refused to consider anyone else!"

"Then I have more to thank you for than I realized." he answered smoothly, after all it never hurts to have a fan does it? "Your writing is so perceptive it makes an actor's job far easier, isn't that right, Sookie, Lafayette?"

She turned her head towards him, "I'm sorry Eric, what was that?"

"I was telling dear Charlaine how much easier it is to play a character written by someone with her grace and perception."

Lafayette and Sookie, both old hands at the schmooze themselves, rushed to agree. Charlaine may be starting out in theatre but who knows what makes success these days. Who knew a vamped out version of a classic like Cinderella would sell out every night? (They couldn't do matinees for obvious reasons.)

"I have been writing a screenplay actually." Charlaine replied, "There may be an offer in the pipeline."

The actors all arranged their faces carefully, they all knew the difference between 'pipe-line' and 'pipe- dream', all but the most famous actors spent far longer than they were happy with 'resting'. Being a euphemism for 'worrying where will the next paycheck be '.

Congratulations were tossed across the table and Charlaine basked in the glow.

"What do you having coming up Eric?" Lafayette asked with a mischievous twinkle, no actor can resist the chance to needle another.

"Pam and I are starring opposite each other in an adaptation of 'Sweeney Todd'. I'm doing the lead role and Pam is the diabolical baker" he laughed, "not too much of a stretch for her."

Before Pam could reply, a small man, who looked like a black Danny DeVito entered the room. He was flanked by two tall men in suits and appeared to be heading straight for their table. Before he reached them one of the men grabbed an extra chair setting it in an empty space directly across from Sookie. The man reached over the table barely managing to brush his hand against hers.

"I'm glad I found you all together. My name is Daniel Mitonio. I am from H.B.O. I originally saw the production at the dress rehearsal, although I am sure none of you noticed me, and was lucky enough to be invited back for the final performance last night." He inclined his head to Charlaine and Alan who were both looking as pleased as punch.

"Charlaine has been writing a screenplay that has come to our attention. H.B.O. has noticed the sharp rise in popularity of vampire related entertainment in the last year or so and have been looking for the ideal opportunity. We think we may have found it. I can't give too much away for obvious reasons (stifled groans all around) but we are looking to cast a sitcom based on two couples. Couple A will be a male vampire living with a male human, the human male is gay. Couple two will be a female vampire living with a female human, the female vampire is gay. The two gay characters are close friends and the story revolves around the calamities they cause trying to get the male vampire and the female human to fall in love."

Charlaine was almost bouncing off her seat at this point and Alan looked equally pleased.

"Charlaine has written the original idea," Daniel continued, "Because she has had such a good working relationship with Alan on this project he is in the frame to direct. Likewise we asked them for suggestions as to who they think could play these roles ... Sookie" he clicked his fingers "you would be the female human lead, Eric, you would be male vampire lead of course, Pamela (a growl from Pam had him dropping his hand back into his lap) you would be female vampire friend and Lafayette, you would be male human friend. Subject to auditions of course. I don't know much more than that at the moment, other than it would be largely filmed here in Louisiana and has a working title of Exsanguination Elegant or EE for short, which will, of course be changed; it's just to provide some secrecy at the moment. Any questions?"

Everyone began talking at once and as much as he tried Danny could not answer all their questions. He did notice Bill Compton throw his spoon down in disgust though. After promising to contact everyone's agents first thing in the morning – Amelia's Broadway Partners for Sookie and Lafayette and Viking Inc. for Eric and Pam – he wished them a good party and said he would speak to them soon.

Everyone immediately began talking again the second he was gone from sight. Eric felt another tugging on his sleeve, it was Charlaine once more.

"I told you I had a screen play in the pipeline!" she sang out, "and I insisted on you four right from the start! I had to really fight for you though Eric." she said adoringly.

Pam, never one to miss a chance to tease her friend, said "Did they want someone else then Ms. Harris? How ridiculous!"

"Oh I know Pamela dear, the actor they brought to see me was very nice and extremely handsome but I felt he was just too endearing to really a play a vampire somehow. They do need to have an edge after all."

"Was it anyone we know?" Pam asked, casually.

"Oh you may, he was in some war series not so long back, nice boy, name of Alexander Skarsgard. I thought it was quite ironic that he had the same name as my Prince."

"He is very attractive," Sookie said, before noticing Eric's sharp stare, "but nowhere near as much presence as our own Prince Alexander hey guys?"

"Nice recovery girlfriend." Lafayette said in a stage whisper, that is to say, not very quietly at all.

Sookie's sudden laughter was partially drowned out by the band beginning to play and then ended totally by Bill taking her hand and asking her to dance. She looked at Lafayette for help but as he was enjoying himself far too much laughing at Eric to notice, she had no choice but to dance with Bill.

Pam came around and perched on her empty seat.

"That was classic! Billy Boy was so angry and jealous but what could he say when Daniel said they were beginning rehearsals in eight months? AND after everything he has said about TV in the past! Ha! Prime time, this could be start of something really big." She slung one arm each around Lafayette and Eric, "What do you say boys?"

"I say your boy Eric is too busy trying to laser holes in that asshat Compton's back to listen to anything you are saying, that's what I say." Lafayette replied.

One look at her friend revealed the truth, Pam sighed "He's useless when he gets this way. Eric, Eric! If I help you get her away from Compton and you manage to bed her can I be invited along?"

"No" Eric said abruptly, never taking his eyes off Sookie.

Pam raised her eyebrows at Lafayette, "He's never said no to that before!"

"She's different, and I've grown out of all that. This job could have us staying in the same place for more than a few weeks," He turned those piercing blue eyes on Pam and Lafayette, "I want the job and I want the girl, time to settle down a bit."

Pam looked at him thunderstruck, then both she and Lafayette began to laugh.

"Looks like our match making starts early" he said in-between giggles, "and they say life imitates art..."

Pam laughed back, "Come on Eric, watch and learn my brother."

She danced them right up to Sookie and Bill, and without breaking stride, insinuated herself between them. "You don't mind if I cut in do you Sooks?" she purred, "It's just I have been waiting to get William alone all night to ask him for some tips on my performance." without waiting for an answer she waltzed off with a dazed looking Compton.

"Thank her for saving me like that, only someone with his extraordinary hubris would have fallen for that line. Would you believe he was trying to get me to talk to Daniel about your part? He felt he could lower himself to TV to save me having to spend months on location with you!"

"What's so bad about me?" Eric asked as the music changed and he swept Sookie into another dance.

"Nothing from where I am standing," she answered with a smile, "But Bill, sorry Wiiiilliam, feels that a delicate flower like me would not be safe cooped up on set with you for most of the year."

"He either overestimates my powers of seduction or radically underestimates your strength."

Sookie smiled at this reply allowing Eric to lead her about the now crowded dance floor.

Lafayette bounded up the DJ booth with a CD in his hand and within seconds the room was reverberating to the beat of a dance version of the main waltz scene from the production. He shouted for everyone to join in grabbing a very startled Terry Bellefleur and started to push and pull him around the floor. Terry pulled away after about a minute with some curse that Sookie and Eric could not hear and was replaced by Pam, bumping and grinding against Lafayette and holding up her hair sensuously.

Eric pulled Sookie closer inserting his thigh in between her knees and began to dirty dance with her.

"Last time you and I danced to this the scene, directions said that it seemed like we were the only people on the dance floor," he looked at the writhing and sweaty bodies pressed around them, "I wish it was like that now."

Sookie smiled looking pointedly at the erection outlined by Eric's tight jeans, "Just as well we aren't, and just as well THAT didn't happen on stage." she giggled provocatively.

"I think that would have frightened the children more than Bill's overacting," he laughed back, "not to mention the pain in those breeches. Not to say I didn't think of it ..."

Sookie turned sideways onto Eric grinding her soft hip into the apex of his thighs. His reaction was more than gratifying; Eric's whole body stiffened, his neck extended, eyes closed and his mouth opened slightly. Sookie thought it was just about the sexiest thing she had ever seen...

"I'm sure that the Mothers, older sisters and Grandmothers would have been more than appreciative though Eric."

Eric looked down at her, his pupils were so dilated that his light blue eyes looked almost navy.

"Why should they get the benefit of your hard work?" he asked.

They continued to dance, never straying more than a few inches from each other's bodies. Eric was reduced to imagining Felipe and Victor in lingerie to stop his swollen cock from becoming too painful to consider dancing. 'Sookie cannot fail to be aware of the state she has me in.' he thought.

"Eric, I think we should sit the next one out." her smile was knowing, "Walk behind me on the way back to the table."

Eric held her hand as she led him back to their seats and watched curiously as she arranged the table cloth to cover his lap. She took a large glass of Bill's water and gulped it down. Eric thought she looked adorable, all flushed with tendrils of hair escaping her updo. From here he had a great view of her beautiful legs encased in their sexy nylons.

"I don't want to jinx anything," he said, motioning to the floor show that Pam and Lafayette were putting on, "but I hope the four of us get those parts. Can you imagine if either you or I was stuck on set alone with those two?"

Sookie laughed, "I hope we get them too. I'd like to get to know Pam better, I always had the impression she wasn't keen on me. Before I found out that you and she were just friends I wondered if she was jealous of you and I getting on so well ..." she trailed off, looking deep into Eric's eyes.

"Pam is just Pam I'm afraid. We've been friends about as long as you and Lafayette. You'll love her when you spend more time with her one on one." He paused, "Sookie, that's not the only reason I hope we get the parts you know, I'd love to spend more time with you."

Sookie was still looking into his eyes but then with her right hand she began trailing her fingers up the inside of Eric's right leg. The loud music drowned out the scratching sound of her nails on the inseam of his jeans.

Eric was astounded. Sookie was so no Nun but he thought that this was very forward for her.

"I hope the costumes are much more up to date on this new thing," she said, "I think jeans are my favorite thing on a guy."

Eric took her hand away from his leg and before she could take offense he brought it to his lips, "My favorite outfit for a lady would be just one of my dress shirts, over these of course," he stroked his other hand up Sookie's thigh, "In fact you could have this shirt I'm wearing which would leave me in your favorite costume."

Sookie considered this, "Eric—"

But before she could say more he cut in, "Sookie, I would very much like to be alone with you, and soon, shall we sneak out of the party?"

Sookie looked a bit taken aback, "Eric, I think I've made it more than clear that I want you. In fact I've shocked myself, but I'm just not the kind of girl that goes from leading man to leading man anymore. I did it when I first started acting and all it left me with a serious case of poor self esteem"

"Sookie, what makes you think that I intend this to be a one off? I've already said how much I would like to spend time with you if we get this new job. Even if one of us doesn't I would like to try and see you whenever I could. You know I don't get as much work as you do, I could easily come and visit you if that was something you would welcome." The statement hung in the air between them, gathering tension like it was static.

Sookie came to a decision 'I might regret this but I don't actually care; he's just so perfect for me. I'm going to take the chance, to hell with it!'

"I'm going to pretend to go to the bathroom, give me a few seconds then go out the other way and meet me behind the ticket office." She rose and made an excuse to Alan and Bill who, like Eric, rose when she did.

Eric felt that the next few minutes dragged into an eternity. He left it for as long as he could stand, and then he attracted Alan's attention.

"Alan, I just realized that I have left my cell phone in my dressing room and I need to make some calls. If Pamela comes back to the table, can you tell her I will be back in a little while please?"

Alan muttered some sort of acknowledgement but didn't look up or suspect anything. This was good. Eric wanted to be believable in that line more than any other he had uttered in his career.

He exited into the main foyer hurrying towards the ticket office. As he neared it a small hand appeared on the far side gesturing to him, frantically. He jogged behind the structure to find Sookie crouched down on the floor with her purse pressed to her face to suppress her giggling. He lowered himself down onto his haunches next to her and moved the purse away from her face.

"Are you sure about this Milady?" he asked, echoing the words that Prince Charming used.

Sookie smiled and trailed her fingers down the side of his face. Eric was not an inexperienced lover but he couldn't remember ever feeling this need to be touched before, this overwhelming desperation to have Sookie stroke him and to learn in return what gave her the most pleasure.

"Sookie" He murmured before bringing his lips down onto to hers. She paused when he was just a few inches away looking at him almost pensively. Then she ran her hand around the back of his neck and pulled him towards her to close the gap.

Their kiss began tenderly, each exerting equal pressure on the other's lips. Eric moved his hands down to Sookie's hips and began to stroke them in measured and even strokes. Sookie moaned into his mouth and the tempo of the kiss increased in response. Eric's tongue flicked her lips; he moaned in return when she opened them and stroked his tongue with hers.

"Where?" he asked

Sookie didn't reply, she just got up and looked over the desk of the ticket office to make sure no one else was hanging around. When she saw they were alone, she grabbed Eric's hand running with him to the doors that led to the far side of the auditorium and back stage. She didn't pause until they were in the wings. All the stage crew were currently at the party so she knew there was no chance they would be overheard. She came to a halt and looked up at Eric.

"Ever since I was a little girl I have always had fantasy that I could fly," She indicated the harnesses and equipment that dangled just above their heads, "Since I began acting, this was the closest I could get. Now I have totally different fantasies."

Eric looked out onto the stage; the 'iron' or heavy fire curtain was down between it and the auditorium. The stage manager's last job upon leaving the back stage area was to pull the lever to ensure the iron was lowered thus preventing any fire in the stage area from spreading to the auditorium. The added advantage to himself and Sookie was that it would provide complete privacy should anyone enter the seating area. The theatre itself was sound proofed to comply with State building codes but the heavy iron would ensure no sound at all would be heard outside.

At the back of stage the ordinary stage curtain was down, leaving just enough room for the staircase and the mock four poster bed that had formed part of the last scene, where Sookerella and her Prince had entered their bedchamber as the final curtain had fallen.

Eric began slowly unbuttoning his shirt, allowing his fingertips to trail along the v of flesh that was being exposed, when Sookie started to walk towards him he waggled his finger, "Now now impatient one, I am only getting into my costume, I do not believe I have given you your cue as yet." His voice was teasing and Sookie's heart rate ratcheted up significantly.

Once the shirt was off, Eric handed it to Sookie then turned his back to remove his socks and boots.

After a few moments he heard the sound of her zipper and her shoes falling to the hard floor, "Do not forget to leave on those lovely fishnets for me, will you now Lover?"

"Um, no," Sookie replied hesitantly, "You can turn around now."

They looked at each other, Sookie taking in his beautiful chest that looked like the finest work of some Italian stonemason. Her eyes were drawn lower to where his jeans hung improbably low on his hips; the belt and the top button undone, exposing the muscles of his pelvis and a patch of soft golden fuzz that rose from the waistband. 'Okay, now I feel intimidated, even his feet are sexy, don't men always have horrible feet ... and that hair, I really don't know how I have kept my hands out of it all these weeks. Am I really going to do this?'

Eric, for his part was just as mesmerized as she was. She stood there kind of awkwardly, her lovely legs pressed tightly together and her hands at the neck of his white shirt, 'That looks so good on her. I am never going to be able to wear that again without getting hard, the woman is instant Viagra. Why do I feel so nervous? I am not some hormonal teenager! This is too important to fuck up.'

Before he could let himself get any more psyched out, he asked Sookie to stay there for one second then wheeled over the staircase to just under where the harnesses hung. Then he walked quickly to the edge of the stage releasing the pulley system that lowered one of them, until it rested half way up the stairway. He motioned for Sookie to join him.

"You said you wanted to fly little one, will you let me put the harness on for you? You trust me don't you? I have seen this done so many times over the years; I promise if you feel unsafe or uncomfortable with anything we do you only have to say the word and I will stop straight away.'

"I trust you Eric," Sookie seemed to be considering her next words, "but what is it that you want to do? I have to warn you, I'm not at all experienced with anything um, kinky."

"Luckily I am," he smiled reassuringly, "but all those days are over now, any new experiences I want to have with you. This is something I've never done before," he stroked her back comfortingly and kissed her until her knees went weak. She had never realized it wasn't just some cheesy cliché, "Trust me Lover, I only want your pleasure."

He helped her into the harness, delighted to find that she was naked under the shirt and hose, he didn't say anything about it though for fear of scaring her off; she was so nervous and skittish. 'You really cannot fuck this up Northman!' he admonished himself.

After a thorough check that everything was secure, he asked Sookie to let go of the banister whilst he removed the staircase, immediately she began to laugh as she stepped off into the air. He had a firm hold of the guide wires meaning she swayed gently and didn't spin or swing wildly. She looked down at him and her expression was priceless

"You're not trying to look up my shirt are you?" she laughed.

"Would you believe me if I said no? Of course I am, you are so mouth-watering I cannot take my eyes off you! Now do not worry I am just going to lower you a little so that I can take advantage of you being unable to run away." His smile belied the lechery of his words.

Eric lowered her until her bottom was about the level of his head and then fastened the guide and pulley cables to keep her in place. He walked towards Sookie and when he reached her he began to run his hands up and down her legs, just the outside at first, then allowing his long fingers to curl around the back of her thighs tickling between them. Sookie groaned and her head fell back, supporting herself on the wires with her upper arms.

"Oh Eric, you make me feel so sexy, I've never felt like this.'

She may have been intending to say more but Eric bent one of her legs at the knee and placed it over his shoulder then did the same with the other. Some of Sookie's weight was resting on him now and she felt much more comfortable without the harness pulling at her knees.

He leaned back looking up into her eyes, "Is this alright? I'm not hurting you am I?"

Sookie shook her head,, watching in fascination as Eric ran his hands up under her shirt making handfuls of each breast, massaging and drawing his taut palms over her stiff nipples. Circling he stroked the side-swell of her breasts and delighted in how she pushed them into his hands.

"So warm and heavy. May I see?"

Sookie nodded, still unable to speak. He began to slowly unbutton the shirt. Only when the last one was undone did he push the fabric apart to reveal her bare breasts. Sookie seemed intrigued at the sight of his fingers dancing across her nipples, drawing circles around their dark pink centres and pinching each one in turn until she cried out for more.

"So perfect." He muttered, his voice muffled by her inner thigh. He began to deal little licks into each exposed diamond of skin, getting closer and closer to where her legs met. When he got there he pulled his head back to see which of the openings in the nylon was best placed for where he wanted to be. Selecting one, he delivered one slow sweep almost the length of her slit, Sookie cried out and bucked against his head, but he had her held firmly between the wires and his own hands curled around her heart shaped ass. His thumbs moved to hover above her lips and, in one movement, he hooked them into a hole in the fishnets and ripped.

"Perfect," he breathed onto the newly exposed skin, "Now I can please you just where I want. Would you like that my Lover, would you like me to lick your soft, sweet little slit?"

"Eric, oh, oh yes, yes, I'd l. that." She stammered.

"Then that is what you will get."

His head moved forward. Eric laid a trail of closed mouth kisses along the divide, Sookie smelled and tasted incredible. She had a triangle of soft curls at the top of her mound but below, along the entrance to her pussy she was bare, just the way Eric liked it.

"You are so beautiful. Your skin is like cream. Your lips are the softest pink, you remind me of a rosebud. Shall we see what I can find in your petals?"

Using his thumbs, he parted her, sighing at the sight of her damp center. He licked down every groove and crevice, sucking gently on every petal edge until Sookie was writhing in ecstasy, unable to verbalize and make any sense. He moved closer and closer to the center of the bud. Sookie was trying to twist herself so that his tongue found her clitoris sooner.

Eric smiled against her warmth, "I know where it is my love. I'll get there, in my own sweet time." He bent his head once more.

Sookie was not sure how much more of this she could take, did she want more or did she think she couldn't stand another second? The question was answered though when Eric peeled back all her layers and began to blow gently onto her swollen clit. He made his tongue as flat and rigid as he could and, making sure he had a firm hold on Sookie, used it to slap across the turgid bundle of nerves.

Sookie screamed flinging herself backwards in shock. She hung for a few seconds then tilted her pelvis forward, inviting some more. This time she didn't flinch as far and wasted no time in coming back to Eric's searching lips, her clit tingling in a pleasure that bordered on pain.

"I'm so close Baby, please, please Eric, you must ... oh please."

Taking hold of her Eric touched just the tip of his tongue to where she wanted to be touched the most and vibrated it against the tight bud. Immediately Sookie began to buck and her sweet wetness coated his tongue; he had never tasted anything so sexy.

"Mmm, oh so good," He crooned against her, the vibrations adding to those of his tongue, "Now sexy Sookie, come for me."

The scream ripped out from her throat as the climax hit her. She could feel her body convulsing, the contractions from her insides, down through her aching pussy right onto his tongue. Eric didn't allow her to escape, far beyond what she thought she could take, he scrubbed at her with his lips and tongue, sucking and lapping up all her juices, moaning against her slit. Her thighs clenched against his head and her bottom slumped back down onto his shoulders, only Eric's strength and the wire holding her up. She immediately put a weak hand down between them,

"Eric, no Baby please, you have to stop. I'm so sensitive, I can't take it!"

He laughed appreciatively moving his head away, kissing her thighs tenderly; even this contact caused her to squirm against him.

After he had let her down, having to support her because her legs were still wobbly from her orgasm, he laid her down gently in the center of the bed. The base itself was fake, just a wooden box so Eric had carefully piled up pillows on which to place his lover. He gazed down at her, his expression unreadable.

"Was that okay? I mean, it was great for me but you enjoyed it didn't you?" She looked up, uncertain.

"Sookie that was sublime. I love giving pleasure with my lips and tongue but I can honestly say I have never had such a downright sexy experience ; I enjoyed it more than anything I have ever done with a woman before."

"But you didn't, I mean you haven't enjoyed yourself fully have you?"

Eric laughed, was that what was worrying this wonderful woman? That he hadn't yet come himself? He was right; she really was just the one he was looking for... He pushed himself up from the bed and wriggled out of his jeans, Sookie's eyes widened when she saw his erect penis, Eric wasn't arrogant about it but he knew he was much bigger than the norm; he was pleased with her reaction. He lay back down next to her and began kissing her slowly, all the time he was stroking her face, her stomach, her breasts.

Sookie moaned, moving her hand down his abdomen, she broke the kiss to say, "Can you show me how to make you feel the way I just felt? I want to know how to touch you to please you the most."

Her hand drifted ever lower until she had it curled around him. She was surprised how he could be both hard but feel so soft and silken at the same time. She stroked his length from the base to the tip, gripping harder as she got further up and was rewarded by Eric growling low in his throat and bucking into her hand. His head lowered to her breast but she stopped him.

Sookie smiled up at him, taken aback all over again how a man this physically perfect could not only be so right for her in other ways but just as desperate to be with her as she was with him!

Eric rolled over on top of her and she opened her thighs to him immediately, neither seemed to want to wait anymore, Eric's need was palpable—he was trembling with the want of it, pushing himself harder and harder into her hand and looking at her like he was about to eat her alive.

Sookie positioned herself so that it was easier for him to enter her and he, in turn, lifted one of her legs so that he could stroke her between them, there was a frantic aspect to his movements that she found unbearably erotic, to be wanted, needed so much, was something she had never experienced. It was turning her on more than she had ever been with other men.

"Eric, sugar, I can't wait; I want you inside me."

Eric looked at her with those same deep blue eyes, "Put me there then," He put her hand under his cock moving it a little higher, "Guide me to where you want me."

As he pressed forward Sookie lost her breath at the sensation of her body being pushed and stretched outwards in all directions at once. Her heels dug into his calves. Her hands grabbed a double handful of his bottom as she encouraged him to go deeper.

The last coherent thought she had before Eric threw her over the precipice again, this time joining her with his own, was that she wasn't sure what the future held for them, but for a wrap party? This was one hell of an Opening Night.

END