This fanfiction is written by Chaos


Prologue

Nathaniel P.O.V

"C'mon man this is all I have." The spotty college freshman pleads at my kitchen table, making me regret ever letting him in.

"I can't sell you all this for twenty bucks that would be a steal. I have a family to support." He looks down at the bag of white powder that sits between us. I glare at him across the table, taking a deep drag of my cigarette. I exhale a half assed ring in his direction while he digs in his pockets and mutters about what an asshole I am and how he could just call the cops on me. As if he could. He knows I would come after him.

"I'm serious, this is all I got." He holds out a crumpled $20.

"Bullshit." I want to smack some sense into this kid but instead I light another cigarette. "I can sell you a quarter of that for forty and that's as low as I'll go."

He's looks at me in disgust but seems to get distracted by something behind me.

I turn and she's there, her starlight white hair flowing around her like her presence itself increases the static in the room. This fucker's whining woke her up, little shit.

The robe clings her body tight, her newly developing curves spilling out of the shear fabric as she leans against the door frame,"Baby." She breaths, her voice exhausted. "Come back to bed." Her red eyes burn me and give a warning. I wish I could say she didn't have to wake up to deals often, but that would be a lie.

"Ten minutes, then I'm all yours." I promise. She sighs and turns back to our room, pulling her robe tight around her as she goes. Her movements sluggish and tired.

Fuck. I'm gonna pay for this is 9.5 minutes.

I turn back to my client who's still picking his jaw off the floor.

"Forty?" I hold out my hand.

"Fine." We make the deal and he says he won't be back, but I know in a week he'll be back at my door, itching for a fix.

They always are.

I splash cold water on my face and look in the mirror above the bathroom sink.

God I look like shit. The bags under my eyes are dark and expanding. My cheeks look hollow, and my skin is pale. My hair is choppy and greasy.

I should get some sleep.

I'm supposed to be getting my shit together, but trying all the time is wearing me out. How am I supposed to be a father?

I walk into the bedroom. The robe's discarded on the floor, but she's so enveloped in blankets all I see is bleached white hair, black growing out at the roots.

"C'mon Kitt-Katt," I crawl into bed next to her, "Don't be mad."

She rolls further away from me and makes a small noise of disdain. I lay against the headboard and run my fingers through her hair. She gets a bit closer to me but doesn't give in just yet.

I keep petting her hair while she falls asleep. I look down at her soft features, I'm falling apart and she still looks as angelic as always.

How are we gonna do this?


Chaos P.O.V

The clock blinks 3:45am, red light bouncing off the walls, daring me to try and get some sleep. My back is killing me and the warm body pressed against it gives little relief. I roll over to face the man who loves me, one arm draped protectively over my swollen stomach. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps, not the hectic mess he's become in the daylight since the pregnancy. I brush the yellow locks from his sleeping face, placing a small kiss on his forehead. There's no one better I could have made this mistake with, but I'm still sorry I've done this to him. He works so hard for our family, those we already have and those we are expecting. I worry about him running this hard for this long, with little reward.

"I love you." I breathe into his chest, burrowing in blankets and inhaling the smell of tobacco on his shirt.

The desperate rapping on the door pulls my love from me and out into the living room, he is careful not to disturb me as he untangles our limbs and closes our bedroom door behind him.

I know he's making a deal, the more money we can get right now the better, but I still wish he'd just leave the kid in the hall and stay with me.

Since Silver, I've barely slept, I sure as hell can't sleep in an empty bed. I roll on my back and stare at the ceiling, waiting for either his return or his baby to press against my bladder again and force me out of bed.

Fifteen minutes pass, and I can't take it anymore. I haul my inflated body from the bed with as much energy as I can generate and slip my robe over my exposed skin. God I'm huge. I pad through the living room and find find them in the kitchen.

I walk out and see the normal deal setup, I get the attention of Nathaniel, completely ignoring the pimply child in my kitchen. "Baby," I breath, "come back to bed." He promises to be in soon, his eyes showing love, but not as bright as when I met him.

Did I do that? Did I take that shine from him?

I sigh and head back to the room, discarding my robe and crawling into the bed, letting the fluffy white comforter envelope me and my entirety. I think about Nathaniel, how much he's doing for me, us. What he's gonna have to do. The thoughts scare me to the point of tears. I put my hand on my stomach and feel the life growing beneath my skin. My daughter, our daughter, stirs slightly and kicks my kidneys. I cry softly while I hold my stomach, look at the world I'm bringing her into. A world of drug deals and binge drinking. A world of treating her father's weeping track marks and holding her mother's hair while she throws up. Sobs rock my body softly as the door creeps open.

"C'mon Kitt-Katt," he crawls into bed next to me, "Don't be mad."

I roll farther away, not wanting him to feel my doubt and distress.

He runs long fingers through my hair and the familiar touch calms me a bit.

We're totally fucked, but at least we're fucked together.