Disclaimer: I don't own FB ;;

Authoress Note: This is just a rambling poem I wrote for Akito-sama. It's really sad. ;;

Darkest Tears

I rouse myself from blissful repose

Opening ebony eyes up to another day

I rest in silence with only my heart

Wondering just how long it will stay

I ponder, staring up at the ceiling

Wondering, pondering, how long that beat

Shall force the crimson poison through me

That for so long has given my body heat

My breath comes slowly, to fill reluctant lungs

I sigh and tear my eyes from up above

And look about me as if something a had changed

But, alas, it is the same room, devoid of any love

The walls are empty save one work of art

There are few items to break the barren floor

Nothing fills this void air save my single friend

My fine feathered friend that flutters through the door

He perches effortlessly, looking about him suspiciously

Then cautiously dips down his snowy head to drink

And with a gleeful chirp my way, he's gone

He leaves me in silence again to think

During these times I think of many a thing

Of how wondrous the sun would feel

How nice it would be to run in the spring air

But these things are dreams, they'll never be real

I force myself with all my might, upright

My muscles aching from this grueling test

My throat closes with pain and I strain

To pull air into my compressed chest

For a moment I sit, hesitating, waiting

As I cannot push my pounding heart too far

But as I rest, a taste wells up into my mouth

And leaves another stain on my bed, one more crimson scar

Wheezing, my lung open and fill themselves again

I glance upon the silent door, no one came

No one heard me in my strife and came to aid

But whether they did or not made no difference all the same

The damage was done, my disease had won

And soon would come again and again relentlessly

Until I am deprived of breath and beat

And lay within my grave, wordlessly

The silence of my room is deafening

And my thoughts of freedom enter my mind

A blackness arrives and I fall, screaming, streaming

Into my world of dreaming, everything left behind

But even here in my wistful world of wishes

There is one thing I cannot seem to change

Even in my subconscious mind, there's no one there

To be happy, but alone, it seems a little strange

If only I could somehow alter this horrid fact

And have someone here to understand

I would gladly give up all my wealth

My freedom and everything I am

As I float back into the world of the living

Where merely a half of my tortured soul resides

Where the dreams, they seem so real

And reality is so painful, it's hard to decide

Whether to let go and fall away

To fade into the eternal blackness of death

Or to hold on to what I have remaining

To not let go till my last possible breath

With the rustle of magenta and purple silks

I pick myself up from where I lay

And make my way on hands and knees

To a brighter place I can stay

I lay my form upon the waxen wood

And rest my head upon a folded arm

I close my eyes and drift in delight

Of the day, all sunny and warm

At moments like these are when I feel

Something somewhere close to joy

And I cling mercilessly to that emotion

To keep my soul from being destroyed

But this wondrous feeling, it soon fades

It leaves before too long, and I beg for return

But it's gone and will not come back

It has left my rage and envy to burn

My hatred from the lowest circles

That only my fear alone can surpass

I writhe within the inferno of my mind

That burn away and leave me gray as ash

The ash that makes the land wasteful

That leaves nothing but tones of death

I've destroyed more than I could ever know

And more pain comes with each breath

All I know is deathly black and gray

And pain, and hatred, and sorrow

All around me, all I see I cannot have

I one day won't even have the morrow

I'm in a world of deprived plenty

A luscious land of shattered bone

Everything I have I do not want

Everything I desire I cannot own

For me, there is nothing I can hold dear

I am left upon the shore of disease

Sprawled across the sands of splintered lives

The sanguinary froth lapping at my feet

Before I realize it, I'm being strangled

Struggling just below the shimmering crest

I fight to reach the surface, safety, salvation

My strength failing, falling to the pain in my chest

So I drift, suspended, sustained, remaining

Only by my body's weakening will to live

I'm wrapped with the coils of death and illness

My body without anything left to give

I drown, taking the bloody sea into my lungs

But I still remain, alive, I'm still the same

My beating heart remains just as hollow

Inside my still pale and sickly frame

My hands are still shaking with resist

The numb of the end doesn't send me reeling

Yet my eyes become too misted to see

I speak silent words toward the ceiling

My chest is racked with violent tension

While my mind's lost in my dreams

I cannot feel my life slowly slipping

But I'm deafening my ears with my screams

But even though I call for aid

While my crimson tears do flow

No matter how I try and convince myself

In my heart, I will always know

Wherever I am within this life

I will forever rest in solitude

That fuels my ever burning rage

Gives my shadows where I can brood

Where I can scream and cry and hate

Whomever I damn well please

I can take all the medication I need

To put my tortured soul at ease

I will be left in my underwater world

Where I teeter between this life and the next

Where I must linger and suffer some more

Before I can finally be put to rest

But even if I reach my Nirvana

Where my endless pain will finally desist

I guess now there's no use in trying

There's no reason left to resist

But will my soul truly find its paradise

If I pass in this lonesome hating place

If as I fade, I do not see

The tearful smile on someone's face

For to die alone, without a hand to hold

That thought stirs my darkest fears

But to die, forgotten, without a soul who cares

That thought stirs in me, my darkest tears

Another Authoress Note:

Rem: I LOVE AKITO-SAMA! ::cries:: I'll die with you! ::pulls out a dagger:: OH HAPPY DAGGER!! ::stabs herself in the heart::

Akito: oO Strange, rabid fangirl.

Rem: Oh, you're alive? ::bleeding all over the place::

Akito: ::moves away so his kimono won't get stained:: yeah . . .

Rem: Damn ::dies::

Akito: Oo Ooooook then. Well I hope you like her poem, I sure did.