Note: I don't know how this is going to go, as I have no definite plans as to plot. It's just that Middle Earth under the lordship of Sauron is such a fun world to play in. If I keep having ideas I may keep writing.
Disclaimer: I do not own Middle Earth or anything in it. Lord Sauron does. Used without permission.
Chapter 1: Mordor's Most Wanted
WANTED FOR SUBVERSIVE ACTIVITIES
Rebel band of eight members. Self-styled the Nine Walkers (there used to be nine of them). Highly odious to the Dark Lord. Apprehend on sight.
Their crimes include: owning the Ring of Power; attempting to destroy said Ring of Power; forming a fellowship for the purposes of accomplishing said destruction of said Ring of Power; killing orcs of the Red Eye and of our ally, the White Hand; trespassing on Mount Doom; slaying endangered balrogs; attempting to conceal information from the Dark Lord; attempting to mislead the Dark Lord as to their true intentions; fraternising with elves; offering incivilities to agents of the Dark Lord and his ally; entering Mordor without passing through security; using the Ring of Power; using the Ring of Power for petty purposes, such as turning themselves invisible, thus aiding their passage into Mordor without passing through security; laying unfounded claims to the throne of Gondor; accepting bribes from an enemy of the Dark Lord, namely the self-styled Lady of Lothlorien; attempting to subvert the Dark Lord's ally; falsifying their own deaths; using weapons of mass destruction (known as ents); causing annoyance to the Dark Lord through the singing and composing of annoying songs; forming alliances with enemies of the Dark Lord; lighting unauthorised fires; injuring the Dark Lord's pet giant spider; attacking and murdering without provocation an unarmed ambassador under flag of truce (which is against the rules no matter whose book you go by).
Their subversive activities may include but are not limited to: attempting to steal and then destroy the Ring of Power; attempting to undermine the Dark Lord and his rule; writing hefty tomes of subversive literature; lighting fires in unauthorised places; attempting to subvert law-abiding subjects; spreading illicit slander against the Dark Lord and his agents; attempting to slay orcs; stirring up ill-feeling against the Dark Lord and his policies; defacing public property with subversive slogans and images.
Description:
Gandalf (alias Mithrandir and others): Wizard; 6' 3"; white beard and hair (was grey), grey-blue eyes, long mishapen nose, bushy eyebrows; deep voice, British accent; carries long staff (beware, staff confirmed very dangerous) and sword, wears tall, pointed hat; often seen riding white horse;
Aragorn (alias Strider, Elessar, Estel, possibly others): Human; 6' 2"; long, dirty brown hair, short brown beard, blue eyes; rough voice (sounds like speaker suffers from laryngitis), American accent; armed with sword; wears strange elven pendant; modus operandum consists of leaving the rest of the fellowship (or Middle Earth) to an unhappy fate and then sneaking back when not expected to deliver surprise attack.
Legolas: Elf; 5' 11"; long, blond hair, blue eyes, prominent brow, hollow cheeks; English Manchester accent; armed with bow, long knives, sharp ears and eyes; prefers to wear green; when apprehending, do not attempt to use tranquilisers—elves are relatively unaffected by such drugs, which generally cause no more sensation than tingling of the fingers.
Gimli: Dwarf; 4' 1"; reddish hair and beard, bulbous nose but not much to be seen of his face otherwise; accent unspecified; armed with axe, possibly other weapons (dwarves commonly carry concealed weapons); preferred method of attack is being hurled bodily at enemies while swinging axe.
Frodo Baggins: Hobbit; 3' 4"; dark, curly hair, extremely blue eyes, sometimes mistaken for a girl; high voice, English accent (assumed); armed with elven blade and elven vial, also wears mithril coat; this impudent upstart personally attempted to destroy the Ring of Power after carting it about Mordor under the Dark Lord's very nose; a very high reward will be given for his capture; apprehending him is important because having owned the Ring of Power for a time, the little slime ball will be driven to get it back again.
Samwise Gamgee (alias Sam): Hobbit; 3' 5"; light, curly hair, fat; English rural accent (also assumed); armed with Numenorean blade; almost always found in company with Frodo (see above), often lights fires to cook over which betrays his whereabouts; not clever—outwitting him won't pose much of a problem.
Merriadoc Brandybuck (alias Merry): Hobbit; 3' 8"; light, curly hair, jaw out of joint; English gutter accent (possibly assumed); armed with dagger, can sometimes summon ents or Rohirrim; almost always found in company with Pippin (see below); reacts unfavourably to orc draught.
Peregrin Took (alias Pippin or Pip): Hobbit; 3' 7"; brown, curly hair; Scottish accent; armed with dagger, can also summon ents; has habbit of dropping things so friends can track him, very clumsy—often drops things down wells, easily interrogated because he cannot hold his tongue and gives everything away; use caution when apprehending—suspect is known to have a strong fan base: any violence done to suspect will make you extremely unpopular.
Anyone caught conversing, fraternising, or otherwise having contact (not for purposes of apprehension) with the above stated suspects will be immediately incarcerated by the State. Anyone caught aiding them will face definite incarceration and possible torture and/or death.
All suspects are extremely dangerous. Do not attempt to speak to suspects: you may be compromised. Do not attempt to engage suspects in battle: you will probably lose. All suspects to be brought to Barad-dur upon capture. No exceptions. A suitable reward will be determined by the Dark Lord to be disbursed to the captor. All suspects wanted alive if possible; if impossible to apprehend them alive, the Dark Lord will accept their persons dead for a slightly lower sum.
Any information on suspects, their activities, or contacts please refer to: The Witch King, Minas Morgul, Gondor.
This notice written under the orders of
LORD SAURON, Dark Lord, Forger of the One Ring of Power, Maia, Necromancer, Lord of Werewolves, lieutenant of Morgoth, officiating high priest at temple to Melkor in Numenor, Ruler of Ringwraiths.
(Heights updated.)
