Ash Tyler isn't real. Ash Tyler isn't real. It became my personal mantra. I had nothing else to hold on to, nothing else left to grasp.

My world had fallen to shambles as quickly as it had at the Battle of the Binary Stars. A knife slashing through my captain's heart, a knife of words and lies slashing through mine. There is no difference.

Ash Tyler isn't real. He was never real, never anything more than a facade. He was a lie.

Ash Tyler never existed. It was always Voq, Son of None. The man I fell in love with was nothing more than a fiction, a fabrication of reality.

My tether has been severed, and I'm drifting through this empty place I've never seen before. I have become the monster.

I have to go on. Lorca and the crew of Discovery need me. Tilly. Saru. Detmer. Stamets. Culber…

Culber. Tyler murdered him.

No. Not Tyler. Voq. Because Ash Tyler isn't real.

I have always been at war with myself. Logic versus emotion, loyalty versus necessity. Now my internal battle is Ash versus Voq.

I can still feel his hands on my neck, crushing the life out of me as surely as he almost crushed my skull so long ago on the Ship of the Dead. And then all I feel is the memory of his lips on mine, my hand in his as we danced. My heart thumping every time he looked at me, these unknown feelings finally being set free after so long. A lifetime of hiding behind a Vulcan mask broken away by one soul.

Mask. Voq hides behind the mask of the man I love, the man who never was. And when my hands were on that transporter pad, I wanted to kill him so badly. It was an all consuming desire, impossible to overcome. He cut my only lifeline.

But then, the part of me that still wants to believe in my perfect human future fought back. How can I love someone who tried to kill me? He must not be real.

I don't know how to go on. I don't know how to save you all, and I'm so sorry.

I can't do this.

I am alone.

I chant to myself. Ash Tyler isn't real.

Every spare second. Ash Tyler isn't real.

He is a ghost, as intangible as the mycelial network. Ash Tyler isn't real.

Michael Burnham is real. She is needed on Discovery. Ash Tyler isn't real.

Michael Burnham doesn't know how to go on. Ash Tyler isn't real.

I'm sorry. Now I've failed two captains and two crews. Ash Tyler isn't real.

The tether has been cut. Ash Tyler isn't real.

Voq. Son of None. He is reality. He is tangible, he has killed, he is all that ever was.

I will go on. I will end Voq.

Michael Burnham is not haunted by ghosts.

Michael Burnham will complete her mission.

Ash Tyler isn't real.