Opening:

For all those persons who belive that Serena should have ended up with Nate. This is my version of thr story. In the first chapter, below, I wrote a general plot and also what happened in those five years and a half.

I hope you will like it and want to read more.

xx

Just after Blair and Chuck wedding, Serena and Dan kind of tried to be together but he broke her heart and everytime something was coming out of Dan's mouth Serena was not sure if he was sincere or not. So once again, at the beginning of the spring she left to France.

Again, she said that she needed to be on her own and that this time she really meant it. Just when her car was waiting for her, Nate arrived. He asked her how long she would be gone because it was stupid for her to leave her city, friends and family because of Dan, again. He also said that may be the good decision would be for Serena to finally accept that may be her and Dan are not made for each as they can't accept who the other person really is today. They were not in high school anymore.

She did look at Nate, an intense look and suddendly she kissed him. She did it because it felt so right in that moment and she also told him that she will always love him and she was sorry that she never gave him a real chance but it was because she was too afraid to loose him. It came out of her mouth before she could realize what she said and what it could mean.

Nate was surprise but he decided to avoid it, it was better for himself. He was used to her weird reactions. He told her that this is not what he was looking for when he came to try to stop her from running away again. Of course, he still loved her and still wanted to be with her but:

"I am sorry Serena but not like that, if you ever want to give me, to give us another chance, it has to be a real one. I don't want to be a second plate because I love you too much and I don't deserve that again so please go to France and if you ever want to try again for real, I will be here."

She was crying but she understood Nate and he was right. She left and got in the car, heartbroken and she did not even why she felt so bad...

At the end Nate was right, she could not pretend in 5seconds to be with Nate and forget everything that had happened over the last years.

...

She spent 6 months in France, met a guy and decided to go to Brown, at fall, to study psychology. With the help of her mother and father, Brown accepted to have Serena. In august she flew back to NYC only to pack her things, see Blair and Chuck, her parents and Eric and then she took the road for Providence. She did avoid Dan and Nate, she had both in her head so it was better for all of them if she was not seeing them.

She came only for Thanksgiving and Christmas and to meet Henry of course. She was doing well at Brown, on her own for real as she wanted to do for so long. No gossip girl, no Dan, no Nate, no drama... Just her, her classes and her student life. She dated few boys but she was more focused on her grades.

As the end of the scholar year was coming to an end, she decided that it was time for her to go back to NYC, she asked for her transfer to columbia: accepted. She was ready to go back there.

A time apart had made her realized that people were right, she needed to do something and not being just Serena Van Der Woodsen. She also felt ready to see both, Nate and Dan again. She was not sure how her heart would react and if she could be able to choose one of them someday. A friend of her, from Brown, told her that may be she could not choose because none of them was the one and Serena started to feel that it could be true even if she still had feelings for both, but she would always have.

During her last week at Brown, Nate came to see her. He told her that he was moving to LA to open the Spectator there. It was doing so well now in NYC that he got investors in LA and for sure there it would be a success. He also came to ask Serena if she was now sure about what she wanted. Serena understood that Nate came here to see if she had finally chosen and she explained him that:

"I will love both until the day I die. I never understood why it was always so complicated to find the answer to that question which had been torturating me, torturating us for years and the answer is because none of us are made for each other. Neither Dan or you do belong with me. Few of my friends here told me that and they have an external point of view not like Blair, Chuck or my mum or anyone on the UES or in NYC and they are right. This year, I had been on my own and even if I am moving back to NYC it is only because now I feel strong enough to deal with that. I was going to meet both of you and said that I chose and it is none, so we can all be happy and friends again."

Nate listened and sighed, may be she was right but he was so in love with her that it was too painful to look at her and think that she was not going to be her wife, the mother of her kids. Thanks god he was leaving to LA.

For Dan it had always been easier to leave without Serena but for him it was a nightmare. The principal reason was because Dan was not a member of the « club », he was not always invited or be where Serena and Nate would be and Dan's best friend did not married Serena's best friend.

She said that she was sorry, that it took her a long time to understand and accept it and so will Nate need time and going to LA, having goals would help him to see sooner or later that she was right.

Before he left he told her:

"I don't think I will ever be able to love someone the way I love you, may be you are right but I love you too much to believe it and for now the only thing I know is that you broke my heart in thousand of pieces." And he left.

...

A bit after Thanksgiving and Blair and Chuck's second wedding anniversary, Serena started to see Dan more often but she was dating someone and he was too. It will take them months to get back together, almost a year but just after starting her 2nd year at Columbia they were on again. Blair did ask her if this is what she really wanted and if this time she was sure about her feelings.

"As Nate is in LA, I prefer to insist a bit and be sure that this time you know what you want and that you are sure about your decision to get back with Dan. The love triangle was good in Beverly hills between Kelly, Dylan and Brandon but let's face it, Kelly ended up with Dylan because she was alone and we all know that she was meant to be with Brandon."

Serena laughed at the reference that Blair gave her and even if it was true that Nate was not on the picture, she knew, she always knew that she loved Dan and wanted to be with him. She loves Nate too but it was not the same, she was sure about it.

"And Dylan is more like Nate and brandon more like Dan, so you see B, I am right" said Serena

Blair replied that it was quite the contrary but it was just a question of point of view.

Blair was still not convinced and she was really looking forward to see how Nate will react when he will learn the news. He was coming for hers and Chuck 3rd wedding anniversary party in few weeks and he told Chuck few weeks before that he still has Serena in his heart and may be this short trip would make them reconnect. The poor Nate was going to be left heartbroken again.

...

And Blair was right. Nate came, saw Serena with Dan and Serena told him she had finally chosen. He left the party and flew back to LA the same night. Serena felt empty for days but then Christmas came and cheered her up and because she is Serena, she « forgot » about her feelings for Nate.

Blair said that not because he is not in the pictures doesn't mean she should avoid what she felt because clearly when he was around she was still not 100% sure about who was the right guy.

"No Blair, it is Dan, I am sure about and I have been for a long time now, but Nate is kind if an old flame that will never really go away but I love Dan." Said Serena with a smile

From that day Blair stopped to question Serena about her feelings. She did not believe her friend but may be Serena was finally sure about who she wanted to be with. They were not 20 years old anymore.

She knew Serena and that her heart was conflicted between those 2 men but may be she had finally chosen and Blair was upset because she kind of always hoped that it would be Nate and not Dan. She could never forgive him for being GG for so many years. For Blair, Dan was the responsible of all the bad things that had happened to her and she was kind of right.

...

2 more years passed, Serena and Dan did break up few times but never more than few weeks. It has been now 5 years since Blair and Chuck got married.

Serena seemed to be happy with Dan and even Blair had to admit that it looked like they were finally accepting who they were. She even said that may be Serena could end up with Dan. But for Blair and more persons, including Chuck, it would be real the day that Nate would be back to NYC and Serena would not run to him everytime something was not right. She had not been doing it because Nate was in LA, everybody knew that but he would not be in LA forever.

For Christmas Chuck and Blair organized a big party, Nate was coming with his girlfriend Sara. He met her in LA few weeks after he arrived but only started to date her one year and a half ago. It was the first time that they were going to meet her, except for Chuck. Rumors said that he could propose during the holidays but no, the one who did propose was Dan and Serena said yes.

Sara saw Nate's face when Dan proposed in front of everybody and she saw how he fall down when Serena said Yes. Sara ran away. She went to the Empire and packed her things. Nate arrived behind her and asked her what was going on. That day was hard enough already for him...

"I have seen how you look at her Nate, you still love her and if you really want to be with her then you have 6 months before to loose her forever. I am gonna fly back to LA but you should stay here" Sara told him before to get in the car and go to the airport.

He did stay in NYC, he did fly back to LA but 2months later he flew back to NYC for good. After trying again with Sara, he knew that it was helpless, he was still in love with Serena and he should fight back for her as he was not ready to accept to loose her forever.

He came back just on time for the next scandal: Dan's new book. A Gossip Girl's tale which was basically the book that included all the marvelous chapters that came out in Vanity Fair 5 years ago.

Everybody was hurt and Serena even more. Blair and Chuck told Serena that Dan probably proposed to Serena because he knew what was coming. Serena said that it was not possiblr and that she did talk with Dan about thr book and he asked her before to give his final ok to his editor.

Thanks God Nate was back in NYC and Serena was doing what she does best: runs to him everytime something was wrong with Dan.

Nate was playing the best friend card. He did want Serena to realize that he was the one but not because he was telling her. She had to see it on her own or he would always have doubts. Chuck told him that this was not gonna work.

« Fight for the girl Nathaniel, for real as man does » he kept telling to Nate

But Chuck might be right as Serana married Dan. It did not feel right and even Serena had doubts specially after Dan's new book came out. People started to said that Serena had the Stockholm syndrome, that Dan used her and always looked for the best opportunity to turn her down.

...

4 months after the wedding, 1st week of september, monday morning

Serena and Dan's apartment

Serena was having her breakfast when Dan joined her

« Good morning Serena »

She did not even look at him and obviously did not reply

« I said good morning »

« I know, I've heard you the first time » she looked at him and immediately she got back to her bowl of cereals

« seriously Serena you are not going to speak to me like what, never again, how old are you, 10 years old » said an angry Dan

Serena sighed and rolled her eyes

« I think I have many reasons to be mad at you and if you now excuse me, I have to go to work » she said

« going to work, dressed up like a call girl, I think we had this conversation many times already, crop top to go to the spectator are a no as mini skirt or every mini something are not for work » he said looking at Serena's outfit.

« look Dan, I think we are done with this conversation and for the record I wear whatever I want, whenever I want. Stop trying to make me feel bad about everything I do »

« ok, I guess that means that you are not coming for lunch »

« nope » she replied with an angry face

« and what will you do, go for lunch with Nate. The Poor guy is so stupid that he doesn't even see that you are using him and the guy pays you every month a salary, a way too high salary just because »

« just because what Dan. Seriously when you are like that it makes me wonder if I did choose the right guy between you and him and for the record, the stupid Nate is going to be the Major of the city and he pays me a salary because I work there and I have a degree in psychology »

« Major of the city because his grandfather is behind and he hasn't been elected yet and for you, you write articles and answers people's questions about their love life, so yes 6k per month looks pretty high for me »

« have a good day Dan » said Serena before to leave the kitchen

and this is pretty much how it had been for the last past weeks between Serena and Dan. Fights, fights and fights again

...

in th next chapter it will be explained why Serena is mad. This is the plot.