AN: Just one of many. This is by no means complete and most of the stories in this collection aren't. I just didn't want my crazy ideas to go to waste.


Avengers

My Worst Adventure Yet

Chapter One: Here We Go Again

Universe jumping psychopath with a bad attitude and a really fucked up sense of humor. That was the title my cousin had given me after my first few adventures. I'd been stuck in many worlds over the past two years and I still had no idea how I did it.

My name is Halo Torrentz. Welcome to Jackass.

I'm kidding of course. I still don't know how I can jump from one place to another just using my TV, the bookcase, the trunk of my car. It just happened one day. I had been sitting around with my best friend and my cousin and then suddenly I was stuck in a crappy show involving a stupid card game. Ever since then I've found myself in games like Dead Space, Halo, and Silent Hill, tv shows like Inuyasha (I killed everyone, I hate that show) and Yu-Gi-Oh! (That's the one I mentioned before and I hate it too.) I've almost literally been there and done that. Hell, I even spent some time in Lord of the Rings.

I was really starting to get tired of the whole idea of my house slowly becoming a hazard to my health and sanity. It was just a matter of time before I found myself in my worst adventure yet.

I couldn't have been more right.


I woke in a small apartment surrounded by a good amount of the stuff I had in my house. My evil bookcase was present as well as my retarded TV. I almost felt like I was being offered an alternative to where ever I was. The thought scared the hell out of me. I felt like if I walked outside I would find my cheap car waiting for me to open the trunk. Fuck that.

I walked to the bathroom to see what I looked like this time. My face would never change; other things like my hair color did sometimes. My same old weird looking hair greeted me in the mirror. Brown from roots to half way down my shoulder length hair and blond from there to the tips. I would never dye my hair blond again. My eyes had changed. Instead of being greeted by a stormy blue-grey, I was greeted with sapphire blue cat eyes. What in the purple hell did I do to deserve this?

My lip rings were still in place, as well as the three piercings in my left ear and the four in my right. It looked like everything was in place. I didn't feel any taller, which meant I still stood at five foot two. Not a big deal. My anatomy was solely female as it should be. My only complaint was that my boobs were still too big. Don't judge me. Everything was where it should be. I just wish my eyes were normal.

Next on my list would be to find out where I was and what world I'd been thrown into. That was easily solved by turning on the TV. I just had to remind myself not to trip near it or I'd find myself somewhere else. If I rode this place out I'd be home in no time.

Upon turning the TV on I found out I was in New York. What in the purple hell? I could already tell this was going to suck. I watch as the news channel replayed events I'd seen in the Avengers movie and almost cringed. I had handled every situation with ease and calm, but this was horrible. I just knew something bad would happen if I came face to face with the Avengers. Fuck. My. Life.

Next step was to get out of the apartment and cause some trouble with the locals to draw Fury's gaze my way.


There was always a reason I was pulled into places that don't exist. Normally it was one of two things. One, I was supposed to step in and fix something that wasn't supposed to happen. The general idea was to do it without drawing attention to myself, but that never happened and I still came out on the positive end of things. Two, I was supposed to stir things up where action was needed. I had been both the good guy and the bad guy in the past and I normally tried to mix things up. In this world the quickest way to find out what side I needed to be on was by pissing off Nick Fury.

I found out quickly that my eyes weren't the only thing that had changed. I was no longer a normal human. Though the normal part of things could be debated either way. I now found myself with the ability to shapeshift. I didn't want to test to see if I could take the form of another human, which was just creepy. No, I decided that rampaging through New York as a car sized black dragon was good enough for me and soon found myself surrounded by the Avengers and a shit ton of S.H.E.I.L.D. agents. Halo one. Fury zero.

I decided to be an ass and play on Captain America's innocence by whimpering like a scared animal sinking to the ground. Dick move? Yep, but it worked and they didn't kill me or lock me up. I followed him right into a meeting to assess the situation and see where things stood at this point in time. My first job was to figure out exactly who was there. The answer kinda shocked me.

Ironman, Hulk, Black Widow, Hawkeye, Captain America, and Thor I expected. They were a given. But Loki? When the hell did he join them? They all sat around discussing where I could have come from and what to do with me. Of course, nothing normal ever happens when I'm around and my cell decided to start ringing. I had no pockets as a dragon and it was just weird hearing music come from somewhere around a dragon so I did the only thing that came to my mind. I danced around like an idiot. Steve laughed, but everyone else just stared. So I did the next sensible thing. I shifted back into my natural form and answered the damn phone.

"What the hell do you want? If I don't answer I'm busy. I was busy. You just made me act like an idiot and blow my cover!" On the other end of the phone was my cousin Ray. Let's just say he's not brightest tool in the shed or the sharpest crayon in the box. He was yelling at me and asking me why I moved without telling him.

"Hey, it's not my fault most of my shit came with me this time. Where am I stuck now? I'm stuck in the Avengers, or at least somewhere around in that. I feel like I'm stuck in one of those crappy fanfictions. I got shapeshifting and everything. No, I will not get the Black Widow's autograph for you, you pervert." With all that said I hung up and turned around slowly.

"What do you have to say before we lock you up?" Stark asked. I gulped before really looking at everyone. I sighed, straightened my back and grinned.

"Hi, my name's Halo Torrentz and welcome to Jackass!"

That might have been the last thing I got to say for a few hours, but it was worth it.


"Tell me why you're here!" Fury shouted yet again. They had taken me to an interrogation room to pretty much yell at me until I told them what they wanted to know.

"I don't know why I'm here." I said in monotone voice. "I was hoping you could tell me that. I never know what I have to do when thrown into shit like this."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Banner asked. "You're acting like you were forced to come here."

"I was." I said, raising an eyebrow. "I didn't ask to come here. I figured the easiest way to find why I'm here is to get myself in trouble. I'm really not even supposed to show myself… or, at least, I don't think I am. No one gave me a rule book for this shit."

Clint smacked his head down on the table in front of me. "Finally, we're getting somewhere."

"So, are you saying you have nothing to do with the recent appearance of weird creatures all over the world?" Fury asked. He was finally calming down since I was cooperating .

"I don't know, what do they look like?" I asked. He slid a photo of one of the creatures in front of me, and I'm sure he was expecting me to deny I'd ever seen one, but the truth is I'd run into the very same things during my time in Lord of the Rings. They were big, ugly, almost slimy, and they looked like they had no mouth until they lunged at you to take your head off.

"Holy fuck!" I stood up and backed up. "When the hell did those things get here?"

"So you know what they are." Banner said.

"Nope, I have no idea. I have run into them before and they aren't easy to kill." I said, sitting back down.

"Thanks, we already know that. What we don't know is what they are and where they come from." Stark snapped. I could tell he was irritated. Duh.

"Have you found a way to kill them yet? I have no access to what I used before. In fact, it's impossible to get the sword." I mused.

"Thor killed one with his hammer." Banner offered.

"Is that the only one you've killed?" I asked.

"Yes, it didn't react too well to being hit. It started to convulse after Thor crushed one of its legs." Banner answered.

"Hm, I think weapons from Asguard are the key to killing them. I think I'm starting to see a pattern here." I muttered.

"Did I miss something?" Stark said. "How is a criminal going to get us what we need to kill them?"

"I'm not a criminal you ass! And for the record, I'm not getting you anything. This is my job. Do you have any idea how many times I've been thrown somewhere I don't belong just to set something that's out of place right?" I snapped.

"No, how many times?" he quipped.

"About three or four, but that's beside the point. I get snatched out of my own world to come to places like this and fix things. I didn't ask for this." I growled.

"What's your world like?" Banner asked, talking over Stark.

"It's normal. No elves, no horrible evil, no super heroes, nothing out of the normal. If anything it's a little boring." I groused. Stark slammed the door on his way out. I suppose he was a little put out that he didn't exist in my world.

"So, what's the plan to get us weapons from Thor's dad." Clint asked.

"Thor." I laughed.


It had been hard convincing Thor and Loki to take all of us to Asguard, but in the end they had agreed. I had to agree to being escorted around in handcuffs or I wasn't going anywhere. It was irritating, but I realized they had decided they couldn't trust me for whatever reason. I'd go along with it and break out when I needed to.

By this point the bifrost had been fixed and all we had to do was find a secluded place to go and we'd be on our way to Asguard. While everyone else wasn't worried, I was. I didn't know if the gatekeeper would even let me in and let's not get into whatever Odin's going to say to me. At that thought I just wanted to go home. This was now my worst idea ever.

Sure enough, the gatekeeper let us through, but he stopped me just like I knew he would.

"You should not be here." Heimdall announced.

"I don't want to hear it. You let me through." I said as I glared at the gold room that surrounded us.

"The All-Father wishes to speak with you. It is not my place to keep you from entering at his bidding." He said smoothly.

"Just so we're clear, I really don't want to be here, but it's the only way to get this over with so I can go home." I said.

We continued on to the great hall where Odin and Frigga waited for us. Everyone made a show of bowing to the royals, but I just stood there and stared at them.

"Halo Torrentz. Known to many as Halo the Hellbringer. Why have you come here?" Odin all but shouted. He did seem rather calm in spite of everything that was going on.

"You know, for someone that's supposed to see everything, you sure are slacking off Odin." I laughed. He gave me a one eyed glare.

"I cannot see what you are doing. I am blind to all that you do. Even Heimdall cannot see you. Why are you here?" Odin didn't seem so calm anymore.

"Hey, how was I supposed to know neither of you could see me? I may be the greatest evil known to man, but that doesn't mean I really even know how I got that title. What I can do is based on where I am. Hell, last time nothing changed about me. I just scared the Dark Lord shitless and reminded him what he was supposed to be doing. I didn't ask for any of this." I droned.

"Dear, why have you come here?" Frigga asked calmly.

"Oh, we need Asguardian weapons to beat those evil gooey creatures that like to eat peoples' heads off. Thor is the only that could kill one and in the last place where I first saw them you could only kill them with Elven weapons." I took a breath. "I know it's asking a lot, but we need them. It shouldn't take anything with magic tied to it, just something that comes from here should do."