"Oh… oh Delores… I can't believe it… you were so young…"

The handsome young man placed a hand on the beautiful girl's arm. "Delores… can you hear me, somehow? Oh Delores… what caused your end?"

"Dating you." Perry answered, stuffing his mouth full of popcorn. "Does he die yet?"

"Perry!" Pinky the Chihuahua chided. "Be quiet! Other people are trying to watch the movie."

"You said they both die at the end." Perry said. "I came here expecting to see some sick awesome death scenes. Where's the death, huh? So far only Dewhatsis has kicked the bucket."

"It's so beautiful." Peter the panda sobbed from next to Perry.

"Yeah, that desk they got in the background is pretty nice looking. Wonder how long they took to shellac it. Why do they keep zooming in on that guy's face? They need to get some more shots of the desk. I bet that desk didn't even get full pay for being in the movie. I bet he's an un-credited appearance. We need to fight for that desk's rights!"

"Perry! It's a DESK." Pinky hissed. "Not only that, it's a desk in a MOVIE."

"Sorry, I ramble when I'm bored. The other thing I do is drink water. But that doesn't always work out, because it makes me have to…"

"Shh!" Pinky said.

"OH DELORES!" The man on the screen shouted. "DELORES!"

"Dude, no matter how many times you scream that lady's name, she won't be able to hear you." Perry informed him. "She is DEAD, after all. I mean, get with the program, man."

"I cannot live in my despair." The man said. He fell down dead.

The two bodies of Delores and her boyfriend were viewed from above.

"The end" appeared on the screen, followed by cheerful music.

"That was a tragic waste of twenty bucks." Perry said. "Well, actually fifteen, because this popcorn's really good."
"You didn't HAVE to come to the movies with us." Pinky grumbled.

"Who else would have provided you with commentary on how stupid this movie was? I mean, Deloulou just choked on a cherry pit! And I don't even fully understand how the GUY died. Those were very unspectacular deaths."

"You don't understand the metaphors." Peter said, taking a sip of soda. "The cherry pit was a metaphor for all of Delores's minor weaknesses in life. When her weaknesses block her from doing something, no matter how small they may be, they will eventually build up and lead to her end."

"Uh huh. So, her weaknesses led her to choke on a cherry pit."

Peter sighed.

The actors' names began to flash on the screen.

"Tragic Timothy, played by Rahthor Nawt. Delores played by Kendrine Adems." Pinky read.

"Now I really want my money back!" Perry said. "Well, at least I got to see Kendrine killed by a cherry pit."

"It's a tragic tale." Peter said. "With a tragic end."

"Well, might as well get something to eat." Perry said.

"You had three bags of popcorn." Pinky said.

"Hey, when I'm nervous, I eat."

"What part of the movie made you nervous?" Pinky asked.

"When Trevor Bentley was being chased down by the police."

"He was the bad guy!"

"I took a liking to him. He was the only character in that movie that actually had personality."

Pinky rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Perry."

Perry frowned. "Don't get mad. I'm only kidding around."

"You talked through the WHOLE MOVIE!" Pinky said. "And you clapped whenever something bad happened!"

"Sorry." Perry said. "I didn't mean EVERYTHING I said. Okay, maybe I did, but I meant it in a different way."

Pinky smiled a little. "Don't worry about it. And next time, don't force yourself to sit through a movie you don't like."

"Good point. No need to waste hours of my life." Perry said.


Perry waited anxiously by the window for Phineas and Ferb to come home. He couldn't wait until it was summer again, and the boys would be home all day.

Finally the bus pulled up alongside the house. Perry ran to the front door.

Phineas opened the door and came in first. "I'm gonna throw up." He moaned.

"What happened? Are you sick?" Perry asked him.

"Uh huh." Phineas crawled over to the couch and lay down.

Ferb entered the house and closed the door.

"What's wrong with Phinny?" Perry asked him.

"Well, he got sick around this morning, but mom sent him to school anyway. Then he threw up while we were waiting for the bus to go home."

"Poor kid." Perry said sadly.

"It went on the sidewalk and Benny slipped on it. Then Jack tripped over him and landed right in it."

"That's fun." Perry said.

"After that, he felt a lot better. But then on the bus Buford ate ten hamburgers at once and Phineas got sick again."

"Aww. Anything I can do to help? Does he need some grass?"

Ferb shook his head. "Humans heal differently."

"Right. I keep forgetting."

"I'm gonna play a video game." Ferb said. He turned on the TV.

Perry jumped up on the couch and sat on Phineas.

"Ow." Phineas muttered.

"That couldn't have hurt. I only weigh like eight pounds."

"ZOMBIE FLESH EATING ACTION!" Said the TV. "Push START GAME to create your own zombie and start getting to those gooey greasy guts!"

"Ugh." Phineas moaned. He covered his face. "Now I'm really gonna throw up."

"SPEED ROUND!" Said the game. "Eat as many pancreases as you can before time runs out!"

"OH YEAH." Ferb said. His little customized zombie rushed around the screen.

"I'm thinking about some rug art right about now as well." Perry said.


When Perry entered his lair the next day, Monogram wasn't on the screen.

He was standing by Perry's chair.

Perry blinked at him.

"Ah, Agent P. I just needed to talk to you about something." Monogram gestured to the chair, and Perry sat down. "I'm sure you are aware that you barely passed Baby Care training."

Perry nodded. He remembered putting the doll thing they'd given him in the blender.

"And you've managed to have two pups."

Perry held up his hands.

"Four?" Monogram sighed. "Oh Perry. I got so busy, and I didn't get you fixed or talk to you about any of this stuff…"

"What stuff?" Perry chattered. "Do please go into graphic detail."

"Anyway, I think you need to learn to be more caring as a father." Monogram handed him an egg. "It's an unfertilized chicken egg. I want you to take care of that for a week and bring it back to me completely intact, no cracks, dents, or scratches."

"What if it rots?" Perry asked.

"Since you're a platypus, taking care of an egg should be fairly normal."

"Yes, because in the wild, we adopt breakfast eggs and happily wait until the day when the little baby yolk hatches."

"No cracks." Monogram warned. He left the lair.

"You know, taking care of a real baby platypus is a heck of a lot harder." Perry called after him.


"I named it Elvis." Perry said.

Phineas looked at the egg sleepily. "Is it a baby platypus?"

"No, it's not even a baby chick. It's just a normal egg."

"We had to take care of eggs once for school." Ferb said. "We sent our eggs to Hawaii on a tiny airplane. The airplane exploded over the school and the eggs safely parachuted down into the school yard."

"Even then, we failed." Phineas said. "I don't know why. I mean, they weren't cracked. And they had helmets and parachutes." He lay his head down on the kitchen table. "Ugh. I feel horrible."

"Tell mum, then." Ferb said. "You've been sick since yesterday."

"Man, I could really go for a milkshake." Perry said. He poured some milk in the blender and added ice cream. "You two want some?"

"Sure." Phineas said.

"Can I have egg in mine?" Ferb asked.

Perry raised an eyebrow.

"Kidding." Ferb said. "But I do want chocolate syrup."

"Can I draw Elvis hair on Elvis?" Phineas asked.

"Go ahead." Perry said.

Phineas drew on the top of the egg with a black marker. "There. Now he looks stylish." He mumbled.

Perry switched on the blender and tossed in an extra ingredient he found lying on the counter. The blender whirred angrily.

"Youuuu… caar…" It garbled.

Perry stopped the blender and poured the milkshake into three glasses. "It's ready."

Phineas took a small sip.. "Eew, I just got cloth in my mouth. What did you put in this thing?"

"Ice cream, milk, eggs, a Carlos the Caring Clown doll…"

"Ew!" Phineas said.

"Just drink around the Carlos carnage." Ferb suggested.

Phineas shook his head. "I'm not that hungry."

"Feel better." Perry said. He grabbed a straw and put it in his glass.