A/N - Hey people! This is the one named after a hat. I realise I've never posted anything in this genre before, so I thought I'd start now.
This is SLASH people, which means... well, you guys know, right?
Pairings: SBRL, JPLE
Music for this chapter: Torchwood soundtrack - Death of Toshiko
Chapter One: When can I see you?
When can my heart beat again
When does the pain ever end
When do the tears stop from running over
When does "you'll get over it" begin
I hear what you're saying
But I swear that it's not making sense
So when can I see you
James Potter:
It made me sick. This man, this man I had trusted with my friendship, my family, this man that we would have all walked through fire for had betrayed me? Had betrayed us? I wanted to deny the poisonous thoughts entering my mind, but the evidence was spread clearly for us all to see across the battered table.
We had given him our friendship...our love...and he just betrayed us like everything we had done was for nothing. Like the Marauders were nothing.
I looked around, at the pale figures with heavy expressions littered around the room. I looked to my left, and words failed me. Streams of bitter tears tracked down Lily's face as she shakily held the proof in her hand, the one letter that proved beyond all doubt that it had to be him, it had to be Remus, it had to be our friend that was the traitor. Her eyes met mine, and I looked away first. I couldn't stand to see the shadows in her eyes. The resignation that I already felt wrapped its bittersweet tendrils around my heart.
'Well then.' They said. 'Now you finally know the truth.'
I had wanted to know the truth. I had worked night and day to uncover the traitor, Sirius and I vowing never to rest until we had wormed out the coward lowly enough to sell out his friends-
Sirius. At that moment I hated Remus Lupin so much that my body shook from trying to contain it. He hadn't only betrayed his friends...he betrayed Sirius. Sirius, who had loved him with all the reckless abandon he would put into pranks in the golden years at Hogwarts. Had loved him with every inch of his black Gryffindor heart. I could barely stand to, but I knew that I had to turn to my right.
So I did.
He wasn't shaking. The only movement I could see was him desperately mouthing one word over and over again, unable to get it past his lips. He was silently screaming.
"No!" His eyes darted manically around the room, searching for a lifeline to prevent him from spiralling out of control. I could see in his eyes the moment when it dawned upon him that there was no rescue, no safety. I could see him break as his brain slowly began to accept what his heart never could.
"No." Whispered. A prayer to the gods of fate. A prayer that would go unanswered.
Across from me I saw the small, squat form of our fellow marauder, Wormtail's watery eyes fixed on the aged table top. He wouldn't meet my eyes, clearly terrified. He always was.
Not like Remus, who never seemed scared around others. Remus, who would rather die than lose his self control, the only dignity afforded him in an age where dark creatures are more persecuted than ever. His fear could be seen in the soft glances he would send Sirius whenever he thought he wasn't looking. The ones where he seemed to be trying to hold Sirius in place with sheer force of will.
But they were all lies. The (supposedly) quiet, well-mannered prankster from our youth who was always ready to help with a prank or two (as long as we finished our homework on time THIS week) could never have betrayed his friends like this, could never have betrayed Sirius like this.
Maybe we never knew him at all.
We all started when Albus rose from the head of the table, and spoke in a hard, brittle voice. "Gentlemen, as you can see-" He broke off, and I looked away. I had never thought that I would see our esteemed former headmaster weep. It seemed wrong somehow. "Something must be done."
