He'd begged her to let him be a father to their baby, begged her to let them be a family. He'd even picked out a name.
Sometimes he thought she might say yes. He'd see it in her eyes. For the tiniest second he'd see her face soften with the thought of the three of them together, but then he'd blink and it would be gone and his heart would hurt because he knew she'd never change her mind.
He was going to try one last time.
He grabbed her hand in his at the end of the school day, pulling her into a more deserted corridor. She looked a little confused, they hadn't spoken much in the past few days, but she didn't struggle or tell him to leave her alone. She just followed.
"Don't do this Quinn." he blurted as soon as they were alone, his fingers tightly laced with hers. "We can do this! We can be a family! I'll get a better job and we'll buy a house-"
She shook her head, her eyes glassy and distant. She'd heard this too many times and each time she did it got harder and harder to deny him the chance to be a daddy to their little girl. She was being selfish, she knew that but she couldn't help it. She couldn't raise a baby! She could barely take care of herself. And Noah, well Noah spent his evenings either getting drunk or getting laid. Or both. What sort of person would she be if she bought a child, her child, into that sort of a messed up world? She couldn't. She wouldn't.
"Don't, Puck." Her voice was barely a whisper but he still detected the sad quiver in her words and he knew it was taking everything she had to stop herself from breaking down in front of him.
"C'mon Q, we'd be awesome parents. We'd love her. We'd love her so much. Isn't that enough?" His eyes pleaded with her soul and she felt the hot tears well up in her eyes.
"Please, Quinn." he tried again when she didn't respond. He sounded desperate, so desperate that it made her heart ache.
"I can't." she whispered. The hurt in his eyes was unbearable. She didn't think she'd ever seen anyone look as sad as he did in that moment and she swallowed hard as a lone tear escaped and rolled silently down her cheek.
He wiped it away with his thumb and she closed her eyes, committing the feeling of how his skin felt against hers to her memory because this was it, this was the last time she would do this with him. She couldn't do it again, it hurt too much.
She'd leave. Go and stay with her sister in New York because she could not do this anymore. If she did, she'd break. Fall apart. She had to do it, no matter how much it hurt him, no matter how much it hurt her. She had to.
She took a deep, shaky breath, her eyes locking with his for the final time. She leaned towards him, standing on her tip toes and resting her hands gently on his warm shoulders. For a second their faces hovered with in centimeters of each other's, his warm breath tickling her nose and then her lips found his and she kissed him goodbye. Gently, softly. It only lasted a few seconds but in her mind, with his lips fitted perfectly to hers, she told him how much she loved him, how sorry she was for doing this. How she couldn't bear hurting him the way she was about to but she also told him that she had to. She prayed that he'd understand.
She broke it first. She pulled her lips away from his and took the tiniest step backwards out of his warm embrace and watched as his face fell.
"I'm sorry, Noah." She whispered through the tears that now fell freely down her face. "I have to go."
She reached out and touched her fingertips to his cheek, knowing that this was possibly the last time she'd see him. Her first love.
She choked back a sob when she noticed that there was moisture forming in his eyes too, she'd never seen him cry before and in that moment she wanted nothing more than to hold him, give him everything he wanted.
But she didn't. Instead she turned on her heels and began to walk away. Why? Because she was scared. And because she loved him. More than anything.
"Quinn!" He called out to her, a quiver now present in his own voice. He willed her to stop, prayed that she'd turn around. "Quinn...don't go." he pleaded.
His breath caught in his throat as her step faltered, a break in her confident stride and for a second, just for a second he thought that maybe she might come back. Maybe she'd finally realize that they could do this, together.
But she didn't. She carried on from where she left off, her footsteps echoing in the empty hallway and he was left to watch as his reason for living walked out of his life for good.
Turn around, bright eyes.
