(13.2 years)

Ch...Ch…Ch…Ch...Changes

Chapter 1

Sara sat in front of her makeup table, eyes darting back and forth between her stunned reflection in the mirror and the small date book she held in her trembling hands. This could not possibly be happening, no way, no how, she kept repeating to herself.

She took a deep breath and proceeded to count again - for the fourth time...48 days.

How come she hadn't thought to check before now?

No, no, no, no. This could NOT be happening again!

She thought back to the previous fall when she'd accidentally gotten pregnant at the ripe old age of 43 and the heartbreak that ensued for both Neal and herself when she'd lost the baby at 12 weeks. She couldn't go through that again; she couldn't put Neal through that again. Although shocked to find out she'd managed to get pregnant in the first place, they had gradually begun to embrace the idea of growing their family to include another little baby girl. Neal, especially, had taken a real shine to the idea; he'd been totally devastated when Sara had miscarried in their kitchen in a most dramatic way – going into shock and needing weeks to recover.

She counted back, checking her calendar once more as she attempted to figure out what could have possibly happened. She recalled the infection she'd gotten in March, just before Hope's birthday. Dr. Cooper had said it was due to the spermicidal cream she'd been using with her diaphragm so they'd had to revert to using condoms for awhile – something Neal absolutely hated. Her mind churned... there was that one night they'd gone out to dinner with the Burkes and Neal had made a fuss about slipping on a condom – he was tired, turned on and impatient to get on with it and she remembered giving in to his pleading eyes, considering she'd just had her period... her last period.

'Sara!' she heard coming from downstairs - Neal calling her down for dinner. 'Honey, dinner's on the table!'

She stared ahead, her breathing shallow. She needed to get to the bottom of this ASAP, at the very least, get a home pregnancy test, figure this out. This could NOT be happening again. She was a year older now and after her miscarriage, both she and Neal had truly made peace with the family they had – two great kids who were finally becoming more independent and self-sufficient.

'Honey, what are you doing?' Neal said, his voice impatient, as he appeared in the doorway to their bedroom.

'WHAT?' Sara screamed, startled by his sudden appearance and just generally pissed off.

'What is your problem?' Neal barked back. 'I've been calling you for ten minutes!'

She took the small date book and stuck it back in the drawer of the small vanity.

'Fine!' she answered, her voice snippy, before standing to follow him out.

WCWCWC

'So, are we still on for dinner Saturday night?' Peter asked as he and Neal sat in the White Collar offices early on Wednesday afternoon.

The remnants of the pastrami sandwiches Peter had ordered in sat between them on the desk, along with half finished sodas and some greasy fries. Neal let out an uncharacteristically loud burp and grimaced; his stomach just couldn't take that kind of abuse anymore.

'Yeah, come by around 6:00' Neal said, stretching out and propping his feet up on Peter's desk. 'Is El still off seafood?' he asked as he thought ahead to what he might prepare for his guests.

Peter let out a puff of air as he shook his head. 'To tell you the truth, I don't know what El's into these days; she's acting like a crazy woman.'

'Oh, yeah?' Neal said, prodding his best friend for more.

Peter lowered his voice as he looked around, not wanting to make any disparaging remarks about his wife in the workplace where there were prying ears at every turn.

'It's menopause' he whispered dramatically. 'I only have one piece of advice for you, buddy' he continued. 'When your time comes, head for the hills!'

Neal looked at Peter curiously. Elizabeth was always very sweet and kind to him; he didn't know what his best friend was complaining about. He, on the other hand, was married to Sara Ellis, the woman of his dreams – when she wasn't being a tornado in heels. Neal adored his wife, he loved her dry wit, the way she would call a spade a spade, her hot, sexy body, the fact that he always knew where he stood with her. She kept him sane and he never wanted to find out what life would be like without her but lately...she'd been downright brutal at times and Neal was learning to duck whenever he saw that scary look in her eyes.

'Well, Sara's on the warpath and I don't even know why' Neal added in commiseration. 'This morning she barked at me for ten minutes because she found a sock under the bed. I mean, seriously? She's been acting really weird lately.'

Peter's eyes grew in response and his eyebrows rose, practically touching the ceiling. He knew Sara Ellis all too well.

'Alright, well, weird-er' Neal corrected.

Voices floated up from the bullpen and the men looked down, noticing Clinton Jones looking even more high strung that usual.

'What's up with Jones?' Neal asked. 'He barely looked at me when I said hi.'

'Ah! Ivy's due in a couple of weeks and he's... let's just say, he's walking on eggshells' Peter explained as Neal nodded, remembering all too well how Sara had been a crazy banshee in the days preceding their kids' births.

'Well, I guess I should get back to work. Those artifacts aren't going to authenticate themselves' Neal said with a sigh as he stood to leave.

WCWCWC

'That can't be right, Dr. Cooper' Sara Ellis said as she sat across from her doctor.

'What? Did you not think it would happen to you?' Joanne Cooper said with a laugh.

'Well... not yet anyway. I'm only 44!' Sara whined, the number sticking in her throat as she said it.

'Sara, it doesn't happen overnight. It's gradual... and until the well runs dry for 12 consecutive months, it's called perimenopause' the doctor explained.

'Look, would you rather I sit here and tell you you're pregnant?' she added.

'No, no. Of course not... it's just that... Are you sure?' Sara asked again.

She considered herself a woman in the prime of her life. She worked hard to look and feel good, she still looked pretty damn hot for a forty something mother of two – at least that's what her ex-conman husband always told her. They still had a great sex life and she could keep up with most women half her age at work. Menopause was just not something that was on her radar; it conjured up images of old, dried up, miserable women with bad drugstore dye jobs.

'Sara!' Dr. Cooper said, bringing her out of her reverie. 'It's the circle of life, I'm afraid you're going to have to deal with it - just like the rest of us.'

Sara gave her a frustrated glare as her eyes narrowed.

'Look, the odds are astronomically against it, but keep in mind, you could still get pregnant. Believe me, I get plenty of forty something mothers in here who thought they were safe' the doctor warned.

'I hate that diaphragm - and I keep getting infections from that stupid gel' Sara moaned in her usual no-nonsense way.

'What about doing something permanent? Have you and Neal ever talked about him getting a vasectomy?' the doctor asked.

Sara stared ahead in surprise. A vasectomy? The word had never even been uttered in their house. Neal was squeamish about something as innocuous as a flu shot; someone slicing into his junk would likely put him right over the top.

'Or, you could get your right tube tied' Dr. Cooper continued. '...but that kind of operation is a lot more invasive than a vasectomy and frankly, I'm sure Neal would be the first to admit, you've had enough to deal with over the years when it comes to your lady parts.'

Sara rolled her eyes in agreement.

A vasectomy... looked like that word was going to have to be uttered in their house after all.

WCWCWC

'Do you know what Neal did this morning?' Sara said, her voice shrill as El leaned in to listen.

'He actually trimmed his toenails on the bed. I mean... ahhh, I'm telling you El, he's driving me crazy!' she complained as the man, sitting at the table next to them, turned to glare at them.

'Believe me, I get it. I really don't know what happens to men when they turn 50 – they become these insensitive louts' Elizabeth agreed as she took a bite of her salad.

'And then, he looks at me all dewey-eyed like he doesn't get why I'm getting angry' Sara added, out of breath.

Lately, nagging Neal had become one of her favorite pastime – although she wasn't quite sure why suddenly, everything he did brought on these intense feelings of frustration and irritation. Come to think of it, Neal had always trimmed his toenails on the bed, ever since they'd been married. She dismissed the realization without a second thought; it was easier to just stay pissed off at him than to try to analyze why those 'cute' things about Neal were suddenly driving her around the bend.

'What time is the shower on Sunday?' she asked.

'Two o'clock. Oh, you should see the great little outfit I got for the baby. It's a pair of coveralls with a matching sweater and socks. Sooooo cute!' Elizabeth bragged, between bites.

Sara smiled as she remembered all the cute baby clothes she'd gotten at her baby showers. She thought back to her conversation with Dr. Cooper – sadly, those days were now permanently behind them.

'Clinton is supposed to come by and get the crib this weekend' Sara said, thinking back to the beautiful oak crib June had given them before Hope was born.

It was gorgeous and it brought back wonderful memories of when the kids were just babies. She recalled how scared she'd been when she was having her chemotherapy treatments – scared for herself but also scared that the crib Hope had outgrown would never be used again for another baby.

'I saw her last week at Peter's office' El added, speaking of their friend, Ivy Jones. 'She's literally as big as a small condo.'

Sara laughed in response and the man at the table next to them, glanced over again.

Women!

WCWCWC

Neal fell into bed, tired from a long day at work and an evening spent watching Liam throw hoops in a smelly gym. He curled up against Sara, who sat up in bed, glasses on the tip of her nose, reading e-mails from work.

'C'mon honey, put that away' Neal whined as he planted his face between her breasts, humming.

'Neal... stop...' she answered, most unconvincingly.

Neal's hand traveled down her thigh, palming her hips as he moaned; it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out where this was headed. Sara felt her willpower start to fade as Neal continued to move his hand insistently up and down her leg and she watched as Neal (accidentally?) grazed the laptop, sending it tumbling off the bed.

'Mmmm' Neal murmured, his mouth moving to her ear, causing her reading glasses to go flying in another direction.

'What do you say, babe... huh?' he mumbled, on his quest for informed consent.

Sara ran her hand down his cheek, bringing his face to hers as she kissed him, biting his bottom lip softly as Neal's hand made its way between her legs. Noting an unusual dearth of lubrication, he began to work a little harder; she probably hadn't had time to work up to it yet. He continued with the preliminaries, distraught that her body wasn't responding as it usually did.

'Oww' Sara complained as Neal began to work it more insistently.

'What?' he asked absentmindedly as he kept kissing her neck, moving down to her breasts as he deposited soft, lingering kisses all the way down.

'It hurts' she said, realizing that the required lubrication just wasn't materializing.

'What do you mean 'hurts'?' Neal repeated, doubling his efforts to rectify the situation.

'Neal! Stop it!' she said, now thoroughly pissed off that her body wasn't reacting as it usually did.

Neal had always been a problem solver – able to think outside the box (no pun intended) and he wasn't ready to give up on his mission quite yet. He let his mouth move down her body, lifting the comforter and bringing his face to her belly button on its way to where the problem seemed to be. Sara was about to push him off in frustration when his wet mouth finally arrived at its destination, Neal's tongue working it's magic – as it always did.

Sara let out a loud groan as Neal started to take care of business, her legs relaxing to give him better access. By the time he came back up for air, Sara was more than ready to move on to the main event, forgetting all about the little hiccup. He brought his mouth back up to her neck and positioned himself, ready to take the plunge.

'Whoa, whoa, whoa there, Caffrey!' Sara squeaked, interrupting Neal's fervor as she thought back to her conversation with Dr. Cooper. 'Condom!'

Neal let out a frustrated moan. 'Aww, c'mon babe... I'm sure it's fine' he murmured, trying desperately to stay in the zone.

'No!' she repeated insistently, remembering that feeling of utter anguish she'd felt earlier on in the week as she'd stared at herself in the mirror. 'No pay, no play!'

Neal flipped onto his back with a loud groan, acting like an impulsive 13 year old whose mom had just walked in on him doing the nasty; suddenly, he felt himself deflating and Sara, who'd now gotten herself worked up (or rather had let Neal work her up) turned to face him, trying to save the day before things got to the point of no return. She reached into the bedside table, grabbing for a foil packet as she ran her hand languidly towards Neal's nether regions, realizing she had some damage control to do... and quick.

'C'mon Neal! Don't be like that' she mewled as he lay there, pouting.

'Let me take care of that for you' she added with a gleam in her eye as a smile returned to her husband's face.

TBC