MAY

The sun is warm on my shoulders as I sit by the pond in the woods. The pages in my science book flutter from the light breeze. Spring is here and so are my exams at 12th District community college. My second year has come and gone just as the first one did: quiet and uneventful. My cell phone buzzes in my bag. It's my alarm telling me to get my ass in gear and head to work. I haphazardly put my book and papers into the pretty printed messenger bag my sister, Prim had gotten me for my twentieth birthday a couple of weeks ago. She had spent the last of her well- saved stash on it. A gift to insist I get rid of the backpack I had carried all through high school and on into college. I smiled at her effort to make me more stylish. Even though I was older, she was the well-put-together, kind, smart and lovely one. I stammered when I talked, chewed on my hair and was most comfortable in jeans.

As I made my way to our back deck from the woods, I could hear Prim's voice carrying through the open windows. I walked in to find her chatting and scribbling notes inside her planner at the table. She waved and smiled and I kissed her on the top of her head. I dropped my bag and run to change into my work shirt and pull my dark hair up into a neat ballerina bun. I'm back in the kitchen in time for her to hang up the phone.

"Really, Prim? A planner? You're sixteen."

"Shut up. Some of us like to have things written down somewhere and not just floating around in their heads." She continues scribbling, "I think I might have found a summer job" she says, not looking up.

"Really? Where?"

"An ice cream shop on Main Street called Sprinkles. Cheesy but perfectly easy."

"Only for the summer now, little duck. Back to the books when August rolls around." I pick up my bag and smooth my hair back again.

"Katniss, stop pestering me about this. If I like it, I might keep it. Wouldn't it be nice to have a little extra income?"

"We'll talk about this later." I hear her huff behind me.

I'm out the front door and headed down the driveway when my mom pulls up. My mom and I have a strained relationship. My dad died when I was very young in an accident at the power plant and I had to hold the family together while my mom went temporarily insane. She used to be a registered nurse until she was caught stealing medication from the practice she worked for which resulted in her arrest, jail time and the loss of her license. She now works at the local grocery mart as a cashier. Needless to say, the income isn't what it used to be and I started working at Mellark's Bakery & Cafe when I was just fifteen. My dad's insurance paid for his cremation and our little two bedroom home. My mom and I pool our checks together to keep up with everyday expenses. It did get a little easier once we finally paid off her fines and lawyer fees last summer. I barely get to see my check after it's cashed. I dread after school is done and my loans start knocking on my front door.

"Hey Katniss. How was your day?"

"It's been okay." And then we stand in a long pause as we usually do. "I'll be home late. I'm closing tonight."

And my feet are hitting the pavement as she is saying "Well, have a good night."

The walk to work is a few blocks from our house. It gives me enough time to clear the blahness I usually feel towards my mother after our driveway run-ins. The bakery is in a strip mall that has been in our town since the 80s. I always poke my head in the video game store to say hello to Gale since its right next door. He owns the place flat out. No college for him; he took a gamble and it worked out for him. Sometimes I pull extra hours there during the holiday season so I can buy a nice dinner and gifts for my mom and Prim. He waves from behind the counter and I go on my merry way. The bell dings as I open up the door to the bakery.

It's Friday so people are bustling all over the place. Johanna is manning the register up front and waves as I shimmy pass the counter. Finnick is playing barista today. Behind the counter and next to the huge storefront windows is a couple of butcher block tables and our ovens. People can see the items being made right in front of them. Thresh is back there now making yeast rolls and Wiress is decorating cookies. I pass to the back room that is kept quite cool for our cakes and such. Mr. Mellark is hunched over the steel table putting the finishing touches on a wedding cake for the weekend.

"Hey Katniss! How goes it?"

"It goes, Mr. Mellark…it goes." I smile and punch in before making my way back to the office that doubles as storage.

For my age, I believe I have a very good job. When I first started here, I was a cashier and then Mr. Mellark wanted me to learn how to bake, which, it turns out, I'm rubbish at. Mrs. Mellark started showing up less and less and then divorced her husband. After a while I was promoted to her job as store manager. I make orders for supplies and ingredients, I help advertise, make the schedule and make sure the store is organized and in tip-top shape. I get to deal with brides with crazy cake orders and making sure we have little plastic trees and figures to go on kids' birthday cakes. I do a little bit of everything. I begin working on order forms and going over inventory, checking in the front ever so often to make sure everything is running smoothly and helping when it's needed. It's not an exciting way to spend every Friday night, but I'm with friends so I can never complain about that. Gale comes in before closing to chat and to tell me about his date with the much sought after Madge Undersee.

"Wow. A date with the sheriff's daughter. That has disaster written all up, down and around it." I say between laughing.

"Listen here, Catnip…parents freaking love me. I can be charming and polite."

"HA!" yelps Johanna from the back room.

"Shut up Jo! " Gale turns beet red and scrunches up his nose.

"Maybe he'll be wearing his gun" I say in between giggles.

Jo pops back up front, "And I'm sure he's already ran a background check'"

"And that's my cue to leave. I'm nervous enough as it is" he turns and heads for the door with his cookie, "See you shitheads later."

We both flutter our eyelashes and I yell after him, "Say hi to Madge for us."

I start wiping down the counter while Jo goes to start cleaning the floors. We begin our normal routine of cleaning up. I take the register till back to my desk to count and pull the receipts for the day. Thresh pokes his head in to say goodnight and Wiress soon follows. Jo comes in and leans against my desk. Her lips are in tight line.

"What's the matter?" I say shuffling receipts into an envelope.

"I came to tell you I'll see you tomorrow and that Peeta Mellark is leaning against the counter as we speak" she turns on her heel, "So yeah…." And then she's gone.

My eyes go wide and a flutter goes off in my chest.

The entire senior class was lounging on the football field for what the school dubbed as 'Senior Day'. We were signing yearbooks, taking pictures and anticipating the practice of graduation in a few hours. I had taken a few moments to myself after too much socializing. I laid near the 20 yard line on my back, basking in the sun when a shadow fell over me. I looked up, one eye squinting, "Oh hey Peeta." I patted the ground next to me and he obligingly sat.

"I wanted to tell you I got into Capitol State University."

"Good for you Peeta. Not that I'm surprised Mr. Class President." I sat up next to him and smiled.

"But I kind of want to stay here."

"Why?"

He stared at the grass for a long moment. "Because I'm in love."

"Oh." I stared at the grass too. "Well, maybe if you told the girl, maybe she could help you figure out what to do. Maybe she'll go away with you or maybe you can have a long distance thing." I smiled again and shrugged.

He nodded. We sat in comfortable silence for a few moments.

"I'm in love with you Katniss Everdeen. And one word of hope from your lips will root me by your side forever."He blurts it out, never meeting my eyes.

I stared at him, my breathing uneven. Thoughts of years passed raced through my mind: him chasing me around the playground and sticking up for me in grade school, passing me pictures making fun of teachers and sitting with me during lunch in junior high, carrying my books and meeting me by my locker in high school, long stares and light touches, giving me rides home and to work, making sure Prim and I were always okay after my dad died, remembering my birthday when my mom didn't have sense to and letting me cry into his arms when I felt the heartache was too much. This was Peeta's friendship to me. But they must have been love for him; he did these things because he loved me. And during all these years, I had had fleeting thoughts of him and me together. I cut myself off from thinking further.

"You're too good for me Peeta." I sound too clipped and cold.

"How can you say that?" He turned his body towards me.

"Because it's true."

He took my hands in his and dipped his head to catch my eyes, willing me to look at him again. "No its not. You are the most wonderful person, Katniss. I…"

I cut him off, "No, Peeta. Just…no."

I turn away from his face; there is way too much emotion on it.

"You could come away with me."

"I can't leave Prim, not in a million years."

"Then I'll stay here."

"NO!" I shout it louder than meaning to and several heads turn to look at us. "You have such a bright future ahead of you Peeta, but it's not here. It's far away from here. And it's not with me." I am on my feet and walking away before the tears swell in my eyes.

He stops me in my tracks with a hand around my wrist. "I want you. Only you Katniss. All these years…you have to feel something."

I stare at him and I know that I do. I know all I would have to do is whisper 'yes' and he would stay so I could be here with Prim. I know that he would give it all up to stay here with me and work in the bakery. But I'm a miserable mess and I cannot let radiant, beautiful Peeta lose his light for me. I have to protect him from life here in nowhere-town. I know he will see it's for the better one day. So I open my mouth to say the words that I know will send him away, "No. You are my friend and nothing more. I have no feelings for you in that way whatsoever."

His face flashes anger and hurt under crimson cheeks. My chin quivers from straining against the tears. I bite my tongue to regain control. And then he walks away from me.

Mr. Mellark had briefed his employees a week after graduation of Peeta's early departure. He had announced he would leave at once to find an apartment and a part time job and be completely settled before school started. I felt so sick to my stomach that I was sent home early.

The day he left, I had found an envelope shuffled in the mail with my name on it. When I opened it, I found a thick piece of cardstock with the word 'always' written in red. I cussed him for getting in the last word.

I stood cautiously and straightened the navy polo that bared the Mellark's Bakery logo over my heart. I clocked out, making my way to the door. I see him come into view, casually leaning against the front counter, playing with his phone. I'm a nervous wreck but he seems fine. Cool and confident as usual. His hair is shaggier than I remember. His shoulders seem to be a bit more broad. When all the girls at school would call him hot, it seemed appropriate but not now. No, he is handsome. He has become a man.

"Where's your dad?" I blurt out.

He snaps his head up and smiles. So I smile back.

"He left. I asked if I could lock up, in hopes of giving you a ride home. Just because I haven't seen you in so long."

I let a long breath out. I feel like he can see my insides flopping around from all the crazy emotions flooding in. "Yeah, sure. That sounds good."

We walk to his car in silence and ever the gentleman, he opens the door for me. I mutter 'thanks' before I get in. We are out of the parking lot before either of us speaks.

"How come you're here?" I ask.

"Because I'm done at CSU. My exams were done on Wednesday so I came home."

"So you're here for the summer then?"

"Nope. I'm here for good. "

I purse my lips at the confusion, "But why?"

"Well, mostly because of my parents' divorce. I would like to see my dad retire eventually so I shifted my major and viola, I have an associate's degree in Business Management. Now I'm going to learn the ropes and take over. "

"And what about Benson and Devon?"

"My brothers have no interest. I do. I want to do this."

"Don't you have a graduation then?"

"No, not if I don't want to. They're sending it to me in the mail. Very anti-climactic, huh?" He chuckles to himself. And I can't help but grin.

He turns onto my block and pulls in the gravel driveway, killing the engine. "So how have you been, Katniss?"

"Pretty good, I guess. Same ol', same ol'."

"Good. Going to school?"

"Um, yeah. Last class is next Thursday." I find my body turn towards his, "Prim is going to be a junior next year. That's kind of weird to me."

"Wow"

"Yeah, I know." And then we sit in silence for a few minutes, listening to the radio. It feels nice to be in his presence.

"Listen Katniss, I missed you and I want us to be friends again, okay? Let's just pretend the past two years haven't happened and that we're still good pals." He is smiling eagerly.

"I would like that very much old friend." I beam and then give a sarcastic sigh, "Like I have a choice anyways. You'll be my boss."

"Nah. Not yet anyways. You, Miss Everdeen will be my boss."

"Niiiiiice." And then we both laugh.

"Let me walk you to your door." We emerge from the car and he takes my bag to carry even though I insist I can carry a stinking bag on my own. We stop at the door, illuminated by the light from the street lamp.

"Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then, around noon?"

"I'll be there. Thanks for the lift."

"Can I pick you up tomorrow?"

"Nah. I like the walk."

Before I can think or process what I'm about to do, I awkwardly fling my arms around his neck. He's tense for a second but then encircles his arms around me and relaxes. "It's good to see you Peeta." I whisper into his hair.

"You too, Katniss." And then we let go and I say good night.

He steps off the squat porch and then turns back to me, "You smell like the bakery."

I pause, the front door ajar. "Well, yeah…I mean…"

"No, no. I like it. It smells like home."