Broken Wings

Fandom: Yami No Matsuei

Author: Lothlorien

Email: / /

Rating: G

Pairings: Tatsumi/Watari

Disclaimer: I wish they were mine...

Author's Notes: Angsty, short ficlet. Just had to come out so I wrote it. Nothing else to say about it really. Feedback (any kind) welcome. Not beta-ed, so can't guarantee it's grammar perfect.

Looking out of the window, I see Tatsumi, Tsuzuki and Hisoka, all ankle deep in sakura, having a relaxing chat. I feel a momentary pang of envy, wishing I could be out there with them, before I remind myself that it was my choice to not do so, that they did ask me to join them, and I knew very well what I was turning down – I wasn't really paying attention to a potentially explosive chemical – brewing coffee wasn't really that hard.

Tatsumi and Hisoka seem engaged in a relatively serious conversation, but Tsuzuki, being Tsuzuki, seems to want to remind them that they can discuss work inside. He picks up handfuls of the sakura petals, showering the others with them, his grin disarming even Hisoka's exasperated sighs. But I'm not really watching them...I'm watching Tatsumi.

His smile, his heartbreaking smile is directed at Tsuzuki and I bite my lip hard enough to draw blood. I know there's nothing romantic between them anymore, but the fact remains – he loves Tsuzuki as deeply as he could ever love someone, and I was, am, and will forever remain envious of that.

I want to turn away, but I cannot. Am I punishing myself, forcing to look at the trio out there having fun while I'm miserable in here? "Seiichirou..." I whisper, but they can't hear me, and I wouldn't have said his name if they could. That time was over. I'd had him, had him for a brief, short, wonderful time, when the world had been truly alive and I'd never been as happy as I was then.

But all dreams come to an end, and this one...ended too. I guess...we were just not compatible enough. Small things, small trivial things which no one took much notice of at first, grew, grew to such proportions that they couldn't be ignored anymore. I loved him and I knew it was a feeling returned but...we fought. Too much, too long and too hard.

In the end...in the end, it had been him to end it, to end the tears and the heartache. He was right to do so, of course. Of what use is hanging on when it seems that no wonder is left, no magic, nothing but pain and accusations? Nothing seemed to work – giving in only caused more fighting later when things became unbearable for me, and not giving in usually ended with no compromises.

So now, I'm alone once more. Tatsumi has his work, and it didn't take long for him to revert to that old secretarial approach to anything which has to do with me. 'The expenses'...'this and that'...I want to scream, scream at him and throw things at his head to make him look at me, look at me, not the mad scientist, but instead I take the papers, force up a smile, say something stupidly witty and turn back to my own work.

003 flies onto my shoulder and nuzzles my cheek. "I'm okay, girl," I whisper to her, but I know that she's not fooled. She is my own creation after all, a part of me, and trying to hide things from her is impossible. She's the one thing I have left. Tatsumi is unreachable now, and I know whatever happens, I won't get him back. Once I was a fool who thought love could overcome everything...now I know the truth.

I turn away from the window, feeling even worse than I've felt ever since we broke up. It hurts inside, but that's the only place it's going to stay. Outside, I'm still the mad scientist who lets nothing get him down. But I wonder...

...how long is it going to remain that way?