One day, if you were walking around that large field of daisies - you know, that one behind Switzerland's house, the house with the lawn you're forbidden to go on - you would find a lonely Matthew Williams sitting by himself on an empty tree stump. His bear was wandering around the field out of Matthew's site.

"I'm so lonely," Matthew sighed, lowering his gaze and focusing on a daisy by his foot.

Suddenly, the trees and the daisies undulated in a strong wind - a wind only made by helicopters! Matthew looked up in the sky, raised a hand to protect his eyes from the bright sun, and saw a rope ladder role out from the helicopter. Then, he saw a man begin to climb down the ladder. But who was that? Was that... Was that /Billy Mays/?

When the man got low enough to the ground, he jumped off the rope ladder and the helicopter flew away quickly. The man suspected to be Billy Mays ran over - very fast and swiftly, might I add - to the lonely Matthew. When he was close enough, Matthew could confirm him to be Billy Mays.

So, Billy Mays took in a deep breath and said in his majestic voice, "HI, I'M BILLY MAYS, AND I'M HERE WITH AN OFFER YOU CAN NOT PASS UP! I HAVE JUST ONE TRUE LOVE-" he placed a hand over where is heart was located ""-AND FOR ONLY 19.95, IT COULD BE YOURS!" When Matthew heard that for only $19.95, he could own Billy Mays' pure love (which was made clean by Oxi Clean, you bet!), a large, happy smile covered his face! And then, Billy made Matthew's smile even happier by saying, "BUT WAIT! THAT'S NOT ALL! CALL NOW AND YOU WILL RECEIVE A FREE BOTTLE OF MAPLE SYRUP!"

Now /that/ was an offer that Matthew could not pass up! Matthew quickly pulled out his cellular device and punched in the number that conveniently flashed across the bottom of his vision when looking at Billy Mays and placed an order for the last true love that Billy Mays had to sell. Billy took Matthew's hand and pulled him up, awaiting his one easy payment of just $19.95. When Matthew handed him the money, exact change and all, Billy and Matthew interlocked arms and skipped off through the field of daisies into the sunset.

And you can bet that Matthew always shut his whore mouth when Billy Mays spoke.

THE END. 3