All that is Beautiful
Prologue
Hull breach, Shields at two percent, left thruster offline-
She worked with an urgency she did not feel, keying in commands to reroute power. Inside she felt calm, almost serene. She mused that the ship probably stood a better chance of surviving if her friends were onboard. Having multiple people seeing to the problems would save precious time.
As it was, she was alone.
She left without saying goodbye. She had hesitated for a long time, contemplating if she should and if so, how. Kreia had told her that she owed nothing more to the galaxy upon the demise of the three Sith Lords. She could wander at her leisure for the rest of her days without weighing on her conscience. True, she was young, and she had many years in which she could be useful, but in her few thirty years she had already done so much for the galaxy; no one could expect her to do more. She did not have to fight the True Sith. She did not even have to fight anyone, really. She could head to the now beautified Telos and spend the rest of her life in retirement. A Jedi, retiring. It would have been laughable, if she were truly a Jedi.
She did not have to leave her friends behind, to exile herself once more into the Unknown Regions, into the life of continued loneliness...
The truth was, however, that she had no heart left to cope with her companions. The deaths of so many at Malachor V left her soul battered, the pain of the loss shredding her will. How dearly had she needed comfort then! How dearly had she needed love and support, to be nurtured and cared for! Yet when she returned to the home of her childhood, to the place she grew up surrounded by the closest things to family short of blood and bone, she had been rejected, outcast, banished. The Council, she knew, feared what she could do to the Force. A wound, they called her, and one capable of killing it. They had no regard for how deeply she had suffered, how much she needed a mother, a father, a brother, a sister, to help her to come to terms with the catastrophe, the trauma. She had left seeing nothing but darkness in her future, empty of the Force without knowing why, feeling that she was being punished for her crimes. When the Force was returned to her, she thought she could begin to heal, but after ten years, it was too late. Even fighting alongside her newfound friends, drinking, laughing, and weeping together, that wound in her heart never healed. They all had their share of pain, but she was weary. She had carried the burden of her past for ten years on her own. She had simply lost the desire to find joy in life. As the Lost Jedi began to build a new Jedi Order, she watched them as if from afar. They were creating a world she could not be part of. A world she had helped make possible, but a world that she cannot live in. She watched them grow and move on and felt, more and more, that her duty to this galaxy was fulfilled, and that she had no other purpose left. The truth was, she had died along with all those casualties on Malachor V. Her body simply did not realize it yet.
And so, when the time came, when her friends finished their training and were ready to start their new lives, she decided to die. That she venture into the Unknown Regions to seek Revan had only been the means to that end. She did not intend to survive. She did not intend to return.
All are alone in their hour of death, and so she left them quietly, with no show or final words. A tranquil parting. She knew they would be hurt, but for once, she will indulge herself. It felt right, to leave without saying goodbye. She felt like a fading memory, and memories never bid farewell before they disappear.
So when the ship encountered dark energies that rocked the hull and killed the engines, she was not afraid. She worked to save the ship only because it was something ingrained in her. If the ship failed, she will die for certain, and she will pass into the Force as she had hoped for all along.
Shields dropped. All engines offline. Life support systems offline.
A sudden, unexpected static interrupted her state of mind.
*Ssst-Normandy-Ssst-Copy? Repeat, this is-*
How odd. She did not expect to receive radio signal at the Unknown Regions. Was it Revan? She pressed the comm system, but there was no power in the ship. All at once, the cockpit became cold.
*Ssst-This is the SSV-Sst-mandy. Do you copy? Our systems -Ssst-dicate you are in need of assist-Sst*
The air pressure abruptly fell. Something collided with the ship, causing it to rock. She was thrown into the pilot's chair. Her lungs seemed to collapse and she could not draw air, but she was not afraid.
She was not afraid. At long last, after so many years, she was finally going home.
She closed her eyes.
