My beloved and dearest Kaidan,

If you are reading this, I didn't survive our mission. I'm sorry to leave you but if my death saved even one person, I know it was the right thing to do.

First, I love you. I could repeat that for the next cycle and it would still not be enough to grasp the magnitude of my feelings for you.

You were and always will be my only love. When the Collectors destroyed the first Normandy, my last thoughts were hoping that you and everyone else made it out safely. After the Illusive Man revived me, I wanted to email you. But how do you tell someone you're not dead? And then I was afraid you'd moved on. Horizon…well that was like having a piece of my heart torn away.

Then when that Cerberus agent almost killed you, I almost died from fear. Fear that I was going to lose you before I had even truly gotten you back. When you were in the hospital, I spent hours just sitting there holding your hand, willing you to survive. I don't know if you heard anything but I told you story upon story. Stories about growing up and getting shuttled around the galaxy with my parents. I told you about my days in boot camp and the time I passed out because I had forgotten to eat before our morning PT.

When you came back to the Normandy, it was like I was whole again. Since that lunch at Apollo's, I have hope that we can win this war. If you're by my side, there is nothing I can't do.

I can't imagine what you are going through. Almost losing you once damn near killed me. I can't imagine losing you twice. But remember me in the good times. Remember the first time we were together. I remember waking up in your arms and realizing that for once I wasn't cold. Thank you for all those sweet moments.

I love you with all of my heart. After this is all over, don't lock yourself away. Talk to the crew, grieve with them. Don't lose the man I fell in love with to the pit of despair.

Finally, there are going to be a lot of orphans after this. I don't expect you to be able to move on and find new love. I know I couldn't. But maybe you could adopt a kid. Raise them to be like you. And give them all the love you have.

My love, I wish there was more time but know that I was proud to know and love you. You are an amazing man.

Be safe and know that I will always be watching out for you.

Love,

Moira Shepherd