Written by SeaDog11 for the JDPostEpisodeChallenge
(SeaDog11's Second-go at writing Fan Fiction)
*** This will be a two-part story. Part One is Season 5 Episode 6 "Disaster Relief" and Part Two is Season 5 Episode 15 "Full Disclosure" *** I hope you enjoy the story!
Note: For this chapter, everything that is in Italics are direct quotes from the episode.
Rating: Ehhh somewhere between T and M, I think. So please don't read if you're under 18. Again, nothing too explicit, but ya know, there are adult themes and situations.
Late July, 2003
It was late when Josh got to her apartment. Sure he'd come over late before, usually to blow off steam, to have a beer or two, but tonight was different. His dinner with Ryan had changed everything. Not three hours earlier, he was waiting for Congressman Wilcox at Morten's, only to be joined by Ryan. He ran the earlier events of the evening through his mind again:
o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0oo0o0o
"Wilcox is running late"
"No. Sorry. He's not coming. He just called the restaurant."
"Donna sent you? . . . Just in case."
"What's good?"
Ryan's answer had told Josh everything he needed to know. Donna had sent him. Deep down she must have known that Wilcox was going to stand him up, leaving Josh alone and embarrassed at a popular restaurant among DC Political Players. She was looking out for him, protecting him, just like she always did.
Josh had to admit that the dinner with Ryan had been pleasant. The two made friendly conversation about the Nationals, Mets, and years at Harvard. However, Josh still couldn't take his mind off of everything Donna had done for him this week. Hell, he couldn't take his mind off of everything that Donna had done for him in nearly six years. How did he get so lucky to have her in his life?
Later that evening, after his cathartic scream at the Capitol building, Josh finally came to terms with his feelings. He loved her, he loved Donnatella Moss with every fiber of his being. He had been in love with her since the first campaign, but he had never let himself think about it. Thinking about it meant acknowledging it, which meant feeling it, something he just couldn't allow himself to do. Instead, he had teased her incessantly about gomers, he let himself be ensorcelled, and he watched her date Commander Wonderful even though he was unbelievably jealous. But he just couldn't do it anymore. Not after tonight. Not after what she did for him. Now he was letting himself acknowledge it, feel it.
o0o0oo0o0o0o0o0o0
Bringing himself back to the present, Josh opened the apartment building security door with the spare key Donna had given him years back and walked up one flight of stairs to her unit. "You can do this Josh," he mumbled to himself. He was starting to get nervous and his palms were getting sweaty, he needed a little pep-talk with himself to calm down. He knocked on her door as quietly as possible, even though it's not really an attainable goal to knock "quietly" on someone's door at 1:30am and still have them hear it. He knocked a little louder.
"Josh?" She answered as she rubbed the sleep from her eye.
"Ummm, hi." That was all he could find the courage to say.
"Josh what are you doing here? It's late it's, God what time is it?"
"How do you know it's late if you don't know what time it is Donnatella?" He asked, feeling a little more courageous with the help of his banter.
"Ugh Joooosh, sometimes you just know it's late without even looking at the clock." She was sounding exasperated. Josh thought she sounded adorable. He couldn't help but think this must be a personality trait of hers that comes out when she's woken up in the middle of the night and still half asleep. He smiled, he hadn't realized that there was still so much to discover about each other, despite the fact that they had been working 12 hour days together for almost six years.
"What are you smiling about? And seriously Joshua, what time is it?" She folded her arms, now clearly showing just how irritated she was.
Josh took in her appearance, he had been so focused on her reaction to the late hour and how nervous he felt, that his brain didn't register what she was wearing. She had on these cute little plaid pajama shorts and a red tank top. The tank top was tight and a terrific contrast to her alabaster skin, her incredible legs . . . He was doing everything he could not to stare.
"You. I'm smiling about you. And you are correct, it is late, it's 1:30".
"See I told you it was late. And why are you laughing at me, that's not nice."
"I'm not laughing at you. I'm just smiling. You make me smile."
"You're being sweet. Why are you being sweet? Come inside I'll make coffee. But I'm NOT bringing it to you. You can do that part yourself. I'm just brewing it."
He closed the door quietly and locked it. He followed her into her little kitchen and sat at the table. "So I yelled at the Capitol building tonight."
"Yeah? Well, sometimes it needs to be yelled at."
"What's all this?" He asked, noting the files she had scattered across the table.
"It's my "What a Shame" folder. All the stuff we never have time for. Stuff we thought we'd fix when we got here, but we never did . . . Foreign adoption policies, hybrid energy partnerships, extending the Roadless Conservation Plan- okay this one's not a shame, I just didn't want to deal with it . . . Funding special education for kids with disabilities, ammunition control what's a gun without bullets?, a 21st century Teacher Corps- we've got all those baby boomer teachers retiring, mentor programming . . ." she continued on as she started to brew the hazelnut coffee.
He looked at her stunned. She knew that Leo had scaled back his portfolio, that he was giving his legislative duties to someone else. He was no longer handling the cap gains tax cuts and the budget negotiations. It had all been taken from him, as a result of his mess up with Carrick. Again, here she was looking out for him, keeping him busy. Reminding him that there are other important issues that need some attention.
"So you came home tonight, and went through all of these projects, for me?"
"Yeah, I need to keep you busy, keep you out of my hair," she said over her shoulder, rewarding him with a bright smile. "God, she's beautiful," Josh thought to himself. He was glad to see she was waking up, leaving her sleep-induced haze, even though he found it endearing.
Slowly, he got up from his seat, removing his jacket and throwing it over the chair. He had his courage now. He walked up behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder, turning her around from the coffee pot. He brought his hands down to rest on her hips. For a moment they stood there, looking into each other's eyes. Brown eyes looking into surprised and confused blue eyes. Blue eyes looking into determined and unwavering brown eyes. Donna knew he needed to tell her something and Josh knew that his actions were confusing her. Still, Josh noticed that she had immediately put her hands around his shoulders.
"Donna, you once said if I were in an accident, you wouldn't stop for red lights. You didn't mean that you would just be there for me if I were in physical pain, you meant emotional pain too. Like tonight, that's why you sent Ryan to have dinner with me."
"Yes Josh. I wouldn't stop for red lights if you were in ANY type of pain," she said softly. And that was all he needed to hear to be able to say what was on his mind.
"I love you, Donnatella Moss. I'm in love with you."
"About time you told me Joshua Lyman," she said in a whisper as she put her hands on his chest and smiled.
"Thank you for being patient. I'm sorry I took so long to tell you, I'm sorry for putting you through any pain," he said pulling her closer to him. "Do you love me, Donna?"
"Well, I said I wouldn't stop for red lights, didn't I?" She said with a smile. He knew what she was saying, but he really needed to hear her say the words. He looked at her, vulnerability in his eyes, his heart pounding in his chest, silently begging her to answer his question. And because she is so in-tune with him and because she had been waiting patiently to tell him that she loved him for years, she answered his question.
"I love you, I love you so much Joshua Lyman, since the moment you gave me your Bartlet for America badge, and I've been in love with you ever since."
"Looks like we've both been carrying a secret since 1998, he whispered as he gave her his biggest deep-dimpled smile. What came next was only natural. Placing his hands on her face, he gently stroked her cheeks and leaned in to kiss her. The moment their lips met it felt unbelievably right. He felt a wave course through his body. The kiss started soft and light, but quickly deepened as hands started to roam. His were in her hair, hers were on his back and then tugging slightly on the curls at the base of his neck. He wrapped his arms around her, they both opened their mouths a little to explore one another. She sighed in pleasure as he tugged on her lower lip, he moaned in contentment as her tongue met his for the first time. He'd never experienced a kiss like this before, ever. It had everything to do with the fact that it was Donna. He was finally kissing the woman he was meant to be with.
"I don't think I want coffee anymore, do you?" She asked breathlessly.
"No, I think I found something else to keep us awake," Josh said as he began a trail kisses from Donna's neck to her ear.
"Josh . . ." she responded breathlessly as he tugged a little bit on her earlobe.
"We can move this to your bedroom, if you're comfortable with that. If not, we can wait. I will wait as long as you want to."
"I want this Josh. More than anything. But . . ."
He broke away from her ear to notice a tear streaming down her face. He caught it with his thumb.
"Oh Donna, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
"No, Josh it's not that." She said with a shy smile. "I want this. Every part of me wants to take you down the hall to my bed. It's just that . . ."
"You can tell me Donna."
"Two weeks ago you were sleeping with Amy," she said quietly, dropping her gaze to the floor.
And that's when he saw it. He saw the hurt in her eyes. She had been in love with him for nearly six years, and had to watch him be with Amy for six months. He only had to hear about her dates. They were nothing serious except for Commander Wonderful, which hadn't lasted that long. He had been wildly jealous over Commander Jack Reese. He felt terrible knowing that Donna had to experience a similar pain seeing him and Amy together. She was nursing a broken heart right under his nose, but she never let on that she was hurting. The thought of her coming home sad and alone at night, possibly crying because of something he said about Amy, or asking her to make reservations for him and Amy at a nice restaurant, or asking her to make his apartment look like a Tahitian resort . . . it pained him. Then what does he do? He starts up a little fling with Amy again a year later, breaking Donna's heart all over again. Of course she wasn't ready to be intimate with him. What was he thinking?
"I'm so sorry Donna. C'mere," he whispered.
She leaned into him, letting Josh wrap her in his arms. He stroked her hair, her back, kissed her forehead. They stayed like that for a few minutes. He wanted to wash away any hurt that she was feeling.
"Since the day I met you," Josh began, still holding her close. " Since the day I met you, I had to put all of my feelings about you in a box and store that box in the back of my mind and my heart. At the time, I thought that because you were my assistant, that you were absolutely off-limits to me. I knew that if I thought about you, then I would have to acknowledge my feelings. So instead I told myself we had to wait. It would have been different, had you been Toby's assistant or even Sam's, but you were mine and we worked so well together, a perfect fit. I figured that if I got to see you every day that would hold me over until we were in a place where I could tell you how I feel. Donna it's my biggest regret, waiting to tell you. Looking back, we probably could have gone to Leo, and everything would have worked out fine. We could have had both a personal and professional relationship. If you let me, I would love to make up for lost time."
Donna didn't say anything, but she looked up from the crook of Josh's neck and gave him a kiss and a smile. It was enough positive reinforcement for Josh to continue. He needed her to know everything.
"I also need you to know about Amy." Josh felt her body go rigid in his embrace. He ran his hands along her back lovingly, reassuringly. "The first time, I was ensorcelled. But I wasn't in love." He took a moment to look her in the eyes before he continued, "Donna, I was never in love with Amy. The box of feelings I was telling you about, the box was always there, just waiting to be opened. I could never love another woman with that box being stored in my mind and my heart. That box was a special delivery for Donnatella Moss, unfortunately it was the slowest delivery time. I should have just paid extra for the two day shipping, or hell I should have over-nighted it." They both laughed at his silly joke, but she knew what he was saying.
"The second time, I just needed to be distracted more than I realized, with everything going on at the White House, with Zoe's kidnapping, Glen Allen Walken being president. I quickly realized how much of a mistake it was. Yes, the last time I had sex with Amy was a little over two weeks ago. But that's all it was, sex. It was just physical, nothing else. If you're not ready to do anything more than just kiss tonight, that is more than okay with me. We can wait. But I need you to know, that if we go to your bedroom, we wouldn't be having sex. We would be making love." He paused and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear before continuing, "Donna I've never made love to a woman before."
And that changed everything. Donna's pain and insecurity about Amy quickly began to dissipate. She looked into his deep brown eyes and saw nothing but love, admiration, and trust there. She grabbed his hand and kissed his palm, intertwining his fingers with her own. She tugged his arm a little and whispered, "I've never made love before either, Josh. But I want you to make love to me."
"Donna I don't want to rush you. Are you sure you're ready?"
"Mmmmhmmm. Take me to bed, Joshua."
She led him down the hallway, her room lit only by a small light on her nightstand. Josh discarded his shoes and kicked them to the side before grabbing Donna and kissing her thoroughly. "I love you," he said, as he began to kiss her neck and collar bone, then moving his hands to the hem of her tank top, he slowly removed it. The air caught in his lungs at the first sight of her breasts, she was absolutely perfect. "My God, Donna you're beautiful." She smiled as he kissed her, and she began to remove his tie, then his dress shirt. Together they fell on the bed, and the first thing Donna did at the sight of his bare chest was tell him how much she loves him while taking her time kissing his scars, eliciting a moan from Josh. He placed his hands on her face and told her that besides his physicians, she was the only one who had ever seen his scars. He kissed his way from her neck to her stomach, eager to explore every inch of her. He looked at her reverently, and gently traced his finger along a faded scar on the lower right side of her stomach. "What's this from?" Josh asked as he placed kisses along the faded white line.
"I had my appendix taken out."
"Wow, really? How old were you?" He asked still kissing her scar.
"Seven," she said as she smiled and ran her hand through his curly hair.
"I never knew that." He was amazed at the intimacy of it all. Only a significant other would notice this old, faded scar. He loved that he was learning new things about her, learning about her body, what she liked, what she reacted to.
"Do you have any other battle scars?"
"A couple."
"Yeah? Where are they? I wanna' see."
"Well, there isn't a scar on my arm, but here feel it. Right there. Feel that little bump? That's from when I broke it."
"YOU BROKE YOUR ARM?! When?"
"Josh it wasn't that big of a deal. I was eleven. They set it, put a big plaster cast on it, and I went home."
"Still, a broken bone. That's a big deal Donna. How did you do it?"
"I fell off a wooden fence at my friend's farm."
"Falling off a fence at a farm, Donna that is very Wisconsin-ish."
"Wisconsin-ish isn't a word Josh. You can fall off a fence anywhere."
"Still, I'm gonna' have to keep an eye on you anytime we are near a fence, I don't want you to break anything," he said as he placed a feather light kiss on her arm. "You said a couple, Donna. Where is the other scar?"
She hesitated before telling him. With a deep sigh she admitted, "My ankle, Josh." She knew he would put two and two together.
"Your ankle? From? Wait, don't tell me. Donna did you get this from the car accident when you left the campaign?" His blood was boiling just thinking about Dr. Freeride stopping for a beer on his way to pick her up.
"Yes. But it didn't need stitches or anything. Along with a sprain I got a pretty deep cut, it left a scar."
"I'm giving this one extra attention," he said as he made his way down to her right ankle, quickly locating the jagged little scar on the inside of her foot. He placed compassionate kisses there and gently massaged her ankle. "I'm sorry you were in a car accident, Donna."
"It's okay Josh, it brought me back to you."
They made love slowly that night. They had decided not to use a condom, which was a first for both of them. There was no need, since Donna was on the pill. They wanted to experience each other without a barrier. He remembers the look of deep adoration she gave him before their bodies physically connected for the first time. He remembers seeing her face flushed and the way her back arched as she climaxed, calling his name. He remembers how it felt to find his release deep inside her, how it felt to cry out her name in pleasure. They both fell asleep peacefully that night, wrapped around each other.
The following morning was no different. They woke up and smiled saying good morning to each other, which quickly led to making love in bed and then in the shower. Sure, life at the White House was going to be tough for a while for Josh, but for the first time he was okay with that. In the last 24 hours, his priorities had shifted drastically. The most important thing in his life was standing right in front of him, drying her hair and getting ready for work. His legislative portfolio, although important, was no longer his main focus. In fact, maybe this whole screw up with Senator Carrick is what allowed Josh to finally acknowledge his feelings for Donna and do something about it. If that's the case, then he wouldn't have done anything differently.
Having to get their day started, Josh left Donna's apartment with a duffle bag full of her clothes and what Josh called "girly bathroom products" for his apartment. They had agreed that since Josh's place was much closer to the White House, that they would be staying there more often. In the past, having a woman leave any sort of belongings at his place would have freaked Josh out. But with Donna, it felt incredibly right. Her belongings were meant to be tangled with his in his home.
He didn't go right to the White House after stopping by his apartment. Instead, he headed for a prominent Jeweler in Georgetown. He was going to marry Donna Moss, he had never been so sure of anything in his entire life. Josh saw the ring immediately, a round-cut sapphire stone, it reminded him of her eyes. He knew the moment he saw it that it belonged on her left hand. In his mind, he could picture the diamond band sparkling as she pushed her hair back. He imagined the bright blue stone shining on her hand as she bantered with him down the halls of the White House. Sapphire was also the September birthstone, Joanie's birthday was in September. Josh knew that his big sister would have loved Donna instantly, the way he did. He bought the ring, took a guess at the size of her ring finger with the help of the jeweler. It would be ready in two weeks for pickup.
Josh loved anniversaries, especially the ones he shared with Donna. She hates the April anniversary, he loves it. It's the anniversary she came back to him for good. He thinks it's the perfect day to propose, his argument being that it will make her love the April anniversary moving forward. She only acknowledges their February anniversary.
Patience isn't Josh's strong-suit, but he knows he wants to wait and propose to her on April 7th. Ideally, he wants to take her back to Manchester, New Hampshire for the weekend and propose at their old campaign headquarters. For now he has plenty of time to think about it and they have plenty of time to think about how they will go public with their relationship. They threw around the idea of making an announcement after the State of the Union Address. But for now, like they had discussed in bed this morning, they would enjoy their privacy. They would be Deputy Chief of Staff and assistant at work and Josh and Donna at home.
***Part Two to follow very shortly!***
