A/N: Hey guys! So, I've had this finished for a couple of weeks now. I was going to try to finish the second chapter of Porter and upload that first but it's taking me way too long. So, in honor of Brittana sex tapes, here's a new story! For those of you who don't know, Rite Aid is the exact same thing as CVS. I know the East Coast has them but they stop at Ohio or something and skip over to Cali. So depending where you live, you may have never seen one.

Leave me reviews, let me know what you liked. Play the guessing game and predict what's going to happen. I'll try to upload this three times a week, but I'm not promising anything. Also, this is what the employment looks like:

Front End Employees:
Sue Sylvester – 50 [manager]
Will Schuester – 35 [assistant manager]
Quinn Fabray – 21 [shift supervisor]
Mike Chang – 24 [shift supervisor]
Noah Puckerman – 19 [cashier]
Santana Lopez – 19 [cashier]

Pharmacy Employees:
Sandy – 55 [pharmacy manager]
Emma Pillsbury – 32 [assistant pharmacist]
Tina Cohen-Chang – 23 [tech]
Rachel Berry – 20 [tech]
Kurt Hummel – 18 [cashier]


Chapter One – Introduction

Rite Aid is a drugstore chain headquartered in East Pennsboro Township, Pennsylvania. It's the largest drugstore chain on the East Coast and it's the third largest in the United States. It began in 1962 in Scranton under the name of Thrift D Discount Center. Alexander Grass founded it. The first store opened in September of 1962. By 1965, it expanded into five Northeast states. Just ten years later, it expanded into 267 locations in ten states. By 1981, it was named the third largest drugstore in the US. Two years later, it reached one billion dollars in sales for the first time. Rite Aid is ranked #100 on the Fortune 500 list. To this day, its competitors are CVS and Walgreens.

Hi, I'm Santana Lopez and I hate my job like a fat kid hates celery.

Now, if you were to stop in to my store, you wouldn't hear the usual, "Hello! Welcome to Rite Aid!" You would probably hear, "Hey, hurry up and get the fuck out of here." If you were walking aimlessly around the store, clearly confused, you wouldn't hear the usual, "What can I help you find?" You want to know what you'd hear? Nothing. Because I don't mind ignoring you even if you're standing two feet away from me. And don't ask for help. I'll play dumb. If you are gathering your bags from the counter and are waiting to hear the usual, "Thanks for shopping Rite Aid. Please come in again!" you will be waiting a hella long time. Because I don't give a fuck if you shop Rite Aid or not. And I for sure do not want you coming in again.

Oh shit, here comes Rachel fucking Berry, most annoying pharmacy tech alive. Scratch that, most annoying person alive.

"RuPaul."

"Satan."

"Was hoping you'd quit by now."

"I, on the other hand, was anxiously hoping you had gotten dismissed from your position," she huffed, stalking past me to get back to the pharmacy.

Everything she says is such a damn mouthful.

As you probably assumed, I really hate this job. I've been here for a year and a half. It used to be good before Sue fucking Sylvester took the manager position. Carl, our old boss, was awesome. And he was so fucking hot, too. But, to everyone's dismay, Sue is old and boring and she doesn't do shit. She sits in the office and plays Angry Birds all day.

Swear to God. I heard the little cheer when I was helping a customer at the photo center. Someone passed the level with a new high score.

I would love to quit this place, just get on the paging system, tap it twice and say, "Paging Dr. Faggot. Dr. Faggot!" But, unfortunately, I can't find a new job nor can I afford to lose this one. I have bills to pay. Places to go. Money to spend. My phone bill and gas bill pretty much take up half my paycheck. Not to mention my car insurance.

Maybe I should clarify. When I say gas bill, I mean gas for my car. I still live at home. Honest to God, I don't think I'd be able to afford food if I lived on my own. My parents aren't complaining, though. They just want to see me succeed; get a good future plan, shit like that. Which is why they forced me to go to college.

I hated high school. It was some of the most awkward and disturbing times of my life.

But I sucked it up. And now I'm in my second year and it's not that bad. I commute, so it could be worse.

One reason I haven't quit yet, and I hate to admit it, is the employees. My fellow workers stuck in this shithole. I actually sort of like some of them.

Sue just fucking sucks. She's like fifty and going through menopause. So she's bipolar as fuck.

Will's the assistant manager. We all call him Schue though. He's okay. Some days he's a cool guy, some days he's a complete doucher. I think it's because he hit the big 3-5 and has been pining over Emma since as long as I've worked here. It's pathetic, really.

Quinn. Oh Lord, Quinn. She's my best fucking friend. I love that girl. She turned 21 this year so we always go to Red Lobster on the Friday nights we both have off. Then we go back to her place and get drunk and watch Zombieland. "Six people left in the world and one of them is Bill fucking Murray. I know that's not your middle name. I've been watching you since I was like… since I could masturbate. I mean, not that they're connected."

Mike is the other shift supervisor, besides Quinn. He's pretty awesome. He's Asian so I like leaving him notes everywhere. For example:

TO: Mike the Azn
FROM: Santanaaaaaa
SUBJECT: Where are they?
WHERE ARE THOSE LITTLE AZN BABIES I'VE BEEN WAITING TO SEE? GET ON THAT. (Seriously, get on Tina, do her, and watch the seed grow).

I'm a bit racist sometimes.

Last but surely not least, is Puck. He's the other cashier besides me. Puck can be quite the handful. He's a dick 75% of the time, a player 20% of the time, and a nice guy 5% of the time. But if I'm being honest, he makes the job more interesting and I'd much rather work with him than Sue. Oh, and his real name is Noah. Puckerman is his last name. Therefore, Puck.

The pharmacy people I could care less about. I hardly ever see them. Maybe because I avoid them at all costs. That Berry chick makes me want to kill myself.

Not that I ever would. The world needs a hot piece of ass such as myself.

Sandy is the pharmacist. This guy is like, 55 and lives with his mother and he's a creep. He watches me when I saunter past. I have a fantastic ass but still.

Emma is the same Emma that Schue's in love with. She's a couple years younger than him. She's a complete nutcase, though. She's like ridiculously OCD, which actually makes her perfect for the job. The pharmacy is always spotless and everyone gets their prescriptions filled quickly and correctly. Will thinks it's adorable. I think it's idiotic. There are meds for that shit.

Tina is Mike's boo. She's the one I want the azn babies popping out of. She's really nice though. Sometimes, she joins me and Quinn on our Friday nights. But she tells us to pick a new movie. We tell her to get the fuck out. Bitch don't appreciate the best movie ever made.

Then there's Berry. She's a year older than me but she acts like she's fucking ten years older. She takes her job way too seriously which pleases Sue but annoys the rest of us. She can be a real smart ass to the customers, too. Like, if you think I'm bad, you should hear her. The customers know when I'm insulting them. Berry insults them in a way where they don't even realize it until she's already moved on.

I would call it genius but that would be complimenting her. Which I do not do.

Kurt is the new kid and now he's the youngest. I used to be the youngest until he started. Puck has a good couple months on me. Kurt's a funny kid. Pretty sarcastic, which I appreciate. He's gay, too. He hasn't told anyone here—and why should he? Our opinions don't matter. But I have really awesome gaydar and while he hides in his slacks and button-down shirts, I know he's secretly dying to whip out the leather pants and blouses. I just happen to know these things.

Which is a perfect transition to my next topic of interest.

I like girls. And boys, occasionally. Which is just another reason why I continue to stay at Rite Aid. The college is conveniently fifteen minutes away. Which is great for me because I live smack dab in the middle of the two. It's also great because all the other college girls stop in to get food, tampons, condoms. Yes, I still flirt with the girls buying condoms. Just because they're strictly dickly that night doesn't mean they don't want to taste my rainbow a week later.

I realized I was a lesbian (sometimes bisexual) when I was fifteen and a freshman in high school. I know what you're thinking. This is so cliché. She gets a huge revelation as soon as she starts high school and everything suddenly makes sense.

Believe me, that's not what happened.

This is how it went down. It was volleyball week in gym. Let me just tell you that I hated gym and I hated volleyball. I'm one of those girls that think cheerleading is the only sport in the world. Gym involved douchebags making asses out of themselves and volleyball meant getting hit in the back of the head with the ball multiple times.

Anyway.

I was forced onto a team with Sugar Motta. I know, gayest ass name ever. This girl was everywhere. And halfway through the game, the ball decided to come towards me. I did one of those duck-and-cover moves only to be knocked on the floor anyway. The air was knocked out of me, I let out an extremely loud, "fuck"—to which I got bitched at for—and groaned even more when a body hit mine.

Sugar fucking Motta.

Apparently she had realized I wasn't going to get the ball.

Long story short, I realized how soft and warm her body was, thought about it for like, a week, and then it all "came clear." Thus began the days turned months turned years of checking out women.

Getting back to present day, Rite Aid allows me to flirt with hundreds of college girls a week. Okay, maybe not hundreds… in my dreams…

The funny part is, it doesn't stop with college girls. I'm sure you've heard of Extreme Couponing. That TV show on TLC. Yeah, everyone does that now. Including young mothers.

Like seriously, these women are in their late twenties and I'm into it. It makes me sound like Puck but they're hot.

MILFs for sure.

It's even better when they have some small child or a toddler with them. It's like, the mom comes up to the register with her kid right there, but I'm blatantly checking out her ass as she bends over the cart.

"Oh, hey sweetie. I'd like to suck on your mom's tits. You've done that before. Do you mind if I get the chance now?"

I sicken myself sometimes.