Panic. Worry. Uncertainty. Anxiety. All of these emotions were what Tonks immediately felt at the same exact time and at such an intense level. No mission assigned to her by the Ministry, no undercover secret meetings brought together by the Order came close to the sinking feeling she had in the very bottom of her stomach.
This was one of Tonks' rare feelings that surged through her where she knew something was wrong. Very wrong.
All of a sudden, Tonks' heart was screaming at her that something was desperately wrong with her father.
He was on the run from snatchers and other Ministry run organizations simply because he was a muggle.
Tonks couldn't explain why she felt that it was her father who was in trouble, but Tonks felt sick to her stomach. Her heart was hurting in a way she never felt before.
Her father was not okay.
A patronus then appeared, sent by her mother, further confirming her suspicions.
Tonks was nearly at the end of her term, though she didn't show it. She was thankful that her stomach was small as she wasn't one who liked to stay put for too long, though it did prove difficult to perform certain tasks.
Knowing it was risky to apparate while pregnant, Tonks decided that she would do it anyway. She needed to get to her mother as quick as possible. There was a quiver in her mother's voice when the patronus gave her the message that raised a red flag for Tonks. Something that gravely wrong.
And just like that, Tonks found herself in the middle of her parent's living room.
The apparation took an unusual amount of energy out of Tonks and she nearly fell to the floor. She felt a strong pair of arms suddenly scoop under her armpits and help her back to her feet. Her head swung from a limp position up and around to look at the person who assisted her, her eyes eventually focusing on the worried features of her mother.
"Mum," Tonks whispered, her lips dry and trembling as she pulled herself together. "Mum, what's wrong?"
Her question had more strength and urgency in it as she regained her balance. Andromeda's arms remained under Tonks' arms long after she stood and turned around to face her. Too long.
"Mum, answer me," Tonks said, almost demanding for something. Anything.
But Andromeda didn't have to. Tears were streaming down her face, eyes bloodshot red, nose running far more than Tonks could ever think was possible, lips pursed together but trembling.
The gut feeling that Tonks had grew stronger. Her fear was coming true and her thoughts were begging for it not to be so.
"Your father was captured this morning," Andromeda finally said, her voice cracking more and more with every word. "By snatchers lead by Fenrir Greyback."
Andromeda took a shaky breath in, swallowed hard, and began to sob. It was at that moment that Tonks knew what her mother was going to say next.
Her father was dead.
"He was murdered by them," Andromeda said between sobs, falling into Tonks' arms.
Tonks couldn't react any more than holding her mother up in her arms, tears pouring silently down her cheeks. Her mouth wagged as if she wanted to speak. She wanted to ask when it happened, or why. Anything. But she couldn't.
Tonks suddenly, and without warning, felt a rage bubble deep within her and erupt from her mouth in the form of a pained and angered "No" that caused her mother to jump back and move her hands away from her daughter and close to her own chest.
Andromeda knew that her daughter wouldn't take the news well as her hands slowly fell to her sides. She didn't want Tonks to do anything drastic.
"No, this isn't true!" Tonks screamed, tears of overwhelming sadness suddenly rapidly becoming tears of anger. "Don't lie to me!"
"I couldn't," Andromeda choked out as she shakily placed a hand on Tonks' shoulder, knowing it was too late to do anything more to try and calm her daughter as Tonks' hair changed to a violent shade of red, smoke emitting from her ears. "I couldn't."
Tonks shoved her mother's hand off her shoulder and took a step back. When Andromeda went to try and reach out again in an attempt to comfort Tonks, Tonks swatted her hands away, her face scrunched up in a mix of anger and pain.
"Don't lie to me," Tonks trembled out as Andromeda looked at her through puffy eyes, feeling a deep pain that Tonks could never understand.
"Tonks," Andromeda whispered as she took a step forward, once again extending a shaky hand to Tonks.
It was too much for Tonks. That one last gesture sent her emotions into overdrive and she apparated away.
Tonks never ran. It wasn't in her nature to let someone mourn alone. But for whatever reason, she couldn't be there for her own mother as the emotions Tonks could barely contain exploded from her in a ring of purple and blue fire like ray of light as she screamed into the night sky.
She screamed again in pain, frustration, loss, anger, her strength depleting instantly causing her to fall to her knees.
Her hair became void of any bright color she normally dawned. Her sobs swung from anger to sadness and defeat with every breath she managed to draw into her lungs.
Tonks felt her energy quickly leave her as waves of exhaustion began to overtake whatever was keeping her sitting up as she fell to her side, laying on the dirt in the fetal position.
Her sobs slowly fade as Tonks felt the last of her emotions drain from her. She held her stomach, eyes swollen and puffy, nose stuffed, and absolutely devistated.
For the first time in her life, Tonks felt a defeat she never knew was possible.
When Remus pushed her away time and time again and ultimately lead him to suddenly leave her, she fell into a depression. But her father was there to pick her up. Her mother was there to make her smile. It was a temporary fix for her when Remus wasn't there.
But this. This was different. Her father was no longer alive and in her life. She no longer had him to turn to when she didn't know what to do when her and Remus had a fight they couldn't resolve.
Never before had Tonks felt a loss that stung so bad. Even Mad-Eye Moody's death hurt far less than this. The hole that now resided in her heart pained her in such a way that she might as well not have a heart. Her soul felt like it was ripped out as well. It hurt so much and her emotions were so intense for so long that Tonks felt absolutely and completely numb and exhausted.
Tonks stared into the darkness, her puffy eyes never moving, barely blinking, staring at nothing.
She soon slipped into a heavy sleep, nightmares rushing into her subconscious and overtaking her mind. The didn't leave after Teddy was born, as Tonks' suppressed anger of her father's murder continued to haunt her every single night.
The nightmares finally stopped when she met the same fate as her father nearly two months later.
