February 19th, 2019.

Reflection 01.

Hastily, I ran down the steps. The wind was blowing much harder than it has been this entire week, and I really needed to get to where I was going. I didn't know exactly where that was, but it seemed really important that I got there, on time, in my head. Whether it be some pressing matter, or me just… I don't know. I couldn't remember.

Suddenly, the trees began to move together. The road started to form into the trees, and an endless spiral was standing in front of me. I skidded to a halt, terrified of what was lying in front of me, until a long, thin snake tail tore out of the center to take me into its grasp. It coiled me, and when the head appeared, I realized it was more horrific than I previous assumed.

Its tongue was blacker than night, eyes, beaded and yellow. The scales were a disgusting forest green colour, and when it opened its mouth, long fangs scraped delicately onto its lower lips.

It spoke to me. I couldn't make it out, as if my ears were full of water and it was miles away, but it seemed important. When I woke up, I was on the floor.

Looking at my phone, I realized only twenty minutes had passed, and I was supposed to be leaving now. I cleaned myself up really quick, and headed out the door, the dream still haunting me. I was over analyzing it (because I knew some things in dreams meant certain things. Like, if your teeth fell out in a dream, you were REALLY stressed), but I couldn't come up with an explanation unless I Googled it. I'd do that later.

For now, however, I was running late.


A dozen minutes later, I saw Alex standing up against the building with her arms crossed, glasses sitting a little too far down her nose, waiting for me. We'd made plans to go out to dinner after she was done with work, and I was about fifteen minutes late. Her lips were pulled into a thin line, but she really wasn't angry. She was just teasing me. Taking her hand, I pushed the door open for her.

Then, the bell on the front door rung, she jumped. It took me by surprise, and I looked over at her. She mouthed the words sorry, and I just nodded. Being seated, I squeezed her hands and sat down. I asked about her day. She shrugged and listed off several things that ticked her off, as usual. I rarely asked about her day for this exact reason; she hated her job. She missed the old days, she remarked, and I looked up from my menu. Alex quickly recovered, explaining that she was over the international drug cartel thing, but just missed traveling all the time. Missed not being able to move from country to country whenever she pleased.

I quickly glanced at her stomach, which had grown nicely within three months of living in Ohio, and she self-consciously crossed her arms over her stomach.

The waiter grinned, sauntering over to us and Alex scooted over in her booth to give him room, since she had stuck both legs out. They exchanged glances, hers a little rude and his charmingly sweet, and then Alex reluctantly ordered the pasta, light sauce. I just grinned and ordered the same, only heavy on the sauce. It was my favourite dish here.

My smile was beginning to make my cheeks hurt, so I stopped doing so when she made eye contact with me. I asked where she'd like to move next, after the baby was born, clearing my throat in between words. It was liking asking a deaf person what colour the sky was, because she immediately answered with Cambodia. It was our original idea for when we first got out of prison: move to Cambodia, then go to France, then Greece, Italy, Portugal… everywhere. I sighed out a sorry, and she just shrugged.

We continued to talk, and every time she mentioned how much work sucked, I'd shoot her an apologetic look that she would shrug off. Our meals arrived, and we ate, but it was the quietest dinner we'd shared in years.

I thought back to when we decided to have a baby. In fact, it was my fault we'd even decided to settle down. When Alex and I had gotten out of the clutches of the state, on probation, we'd started to build a life, accepting that we'd have to get used to this. We were going to go to Vegas, get hitched, but decided to wait until we were off probation (by that time gay marriage was legal in a bunch of states, so we just had a small but extravagant wedding with all of our friends. Or at least, some of them). I pretty much begged her for a baby, and when I was ready to go to the clinic, she'd sprung it on me that she was already pregnant. It wasn't like her, not one bit, but when I asked her when she did something so uncharacteristic, she just smiled and kept cooking her lunch.

Alex snarked across the table, delivering her signature half-smirk at the waiter who'd apparently stopped by, gossiping with her, when I was reminiscing. I wanted to leap across the table and smack her, but I decided against it when my brain fully comprehended that she wasn't being rude, just talking. There was no reason to stop Alex from being… well, Alex. Pregnancy changed her about as much as it has changed me.

In other words, it changed her a ton, and me? Not at all.

I wanted to come and visit someone, see how they've been doing, he replied to her with such nonchalance I was almost appalled by the way he was talking to Alex Vause, but there was no way he knew her. Maybe he wasn't scared of her potential wrath. Alex seemed to like his answer, nodding, and shutting up. He nodded at me, then walked away from the table.

Alex asked me about work, and I immediately went into a pretty long and drawn out speech about the facility. I was just reiterating the same speech I'd given a million times, absentmindedly stirred my lemon water with the straw, not really paying attention.

I didn't have work today, but I said all of it anyway, and she didn't seem to notice. It was ritual. I even repeated something the manager had done two days earlier. I was a retail saleswoman right now, but it paid well, so I wasn't planning on changing careers anytime soon.

No. Take control of your thoughts. I was going to go to college sometime soon. Alex eventually asked me why I was so quiet, and I just shrugged. Told her I was thinking. She understood, starting talking about things I didn't know, didn't really think much about, didn't listen to. I was a little too much into my head right now.


'So, how do you feel about Polly being back in town? Are you excited?' My voice wavered a little bit as I stepped off the curb, and we took the right that would lead us to the loft. She moved her arm a little bit to adjust to the turn, and she grinned. Asked me why I even asked her that question, of course she was!

Over the past year, Polly and she had become good friends. Polly and I had both had Larry, but she had him wrapped around her little finger, literally, and I think she really appreciated that. And my heart sped up a bit at the thought, and another genuine smile crossed my face once more. I opened the door up for Alex, and we stepped inside.

'But what if Polly doesn't keep him on a leash?' She asked me as if I'd really. I flashed Alex a look, and pretty much demanded why she'd ask a question like that. I remembered my dream as I glanced at the couch.

'I'm serious!' She scrunched her nose up in a disgusted look, flipping another page in PEOPLE magazine. Polly does have a reputation for being weird, dishonest, and totally doesn't consent to anything. She thinks Larry has a thing for that. I grunt as she says this.

I remember that night vividly. I never asked how she really felt, after her quip about Larry. I guess it really doesn't matter now.


so i tried something different on how i wrote this? and i made a pact that if i wrote or at least attempted to write a vauseman, she'd cook up a captain hook. so i'm experimenting? i've never written oitnb and i have no idea how to write piper or alex, so this is probably really bad, but i tried, y'know? - k.