An angsty, bittersweet love one-shot 3

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The sky was still dark, thunder rumbling angrily in the distance as I tried to will myself to rest. I could hear the muffled sounds of blissful sleep calling on me, the kind that had already taken my team mates. I looked dazedly at the window from where I lay on my bed, eyes unblinking as I watched the rain trail it's path down the panes of glass. If only it were that easy.. if only someone could understand...

But there was. There always had been, whether it seemed like it or not.

Fingers softly caressing, comforting in their familiarity. He whispers my name on a sigh, his lips dancing across my skin.

He was the one that lay beside me in my dreams, holding me close, protecting me from the world. Arms strong and voice soft, he would whisper soothing sentiments into my ear that I knew he'd never whispered to anyone else. Who knew that he could use such a tone?

Whimpering, I reach my hands out toward him, the need in me making it hard to breathe.

Yes, I'd had a crush on Ikki.He was the bird that flew above my well, the freedom I'd always wanted to experience, to capture. But what I hadn't realized was that his freedom wasn't what I had thought it to be - he simply had a larger cage around his world. And so, when I found him kissing Ringo, it didn't shock or hurt me as much as it should have. Yes, there had been pain, but it was more because he'd found that misplaced freedom with someone who understood, while I was still alone in the dark, still clutching urgently to whatever I could.

Only now I remember it had been raining that day too.

Silently he takes my hands in his, lacing our fingers together as he rises up to kiss me gently. I whimper as he takes it slow, his tongue sliding languidly against my own. I know he will indulge me, taking me slowly and beautifully tonight - the way I believe he adores just as much as I do.

I remember after I'd long since left the two, the way he'd looked at me when his anger had abated and I had confided everything to him. Frustration and something akin to sympathy lie beneath the hues of his eyes. But he didn't speak. He'd simply held me, wiping the tears away with his thumbs. I hadn't even realized I'd been crying, yet I was even more surprised as I heard myself speak. "I'm sorry.."

Taking his lips from mine, he slowly slides down my body, removing my clothing as he proceeds. Sometime during our kiss he'd managed to remove his own garments, so now we lay bare to one another, his skin warm and soft against my own.

He'd taken it in stride, my solemn apology, and continued to comfort me till all my tears had dried. I had been on the verge of sleep then, teetering on the edge when I'd heard it - and he must have thought I was asleep, because I doubt he may have ever told me otherwise, especially with so much emotion bubbling beneath the surface. Yet I couldn't help it as my eyes widened, and I felt him stiffen - being so in tune with one another, it seemed strange now that I was almost afraid to look at him.

He leans in to kiss me gently, one of his roughened hands dipping lower over my body. I moan slightly as he slips the first finger inside, his actions still so slow and gentle. I can feel his eyes on my face as I feel my own close at the sensations rippling through my body. I shiver as he adds a second, and finally a third finger, the warming lubricant on my insides making me whimper in sweet abandon.

Slowly, hesitantly, I raised my eyes to meet his, and I had seen the same sentiments mirrored in his irises - Surprise, shock, and a noticeable trace of fear. But then they were gone - a quick parade of self-disgust, sorrow, and resignation seeped through them before he closed his eyes. He breathed deep and sighed, a somewhat painful look on his face. I continued to stare at him. My voice was quiet, almost inaudible against the backdrop of the still falling rain.

"Did you mean it?"

When finally it seems I can take no more, he pulls back, a small smile on his face when I mewl at the loss. I know he's still watching my expression, and a small smile crosses my face as I open my eyes to meet his. His hands whisper down my sides once more before he begins to unite us as one. My breath hitches as he ceases inside me, my legs curling around him instinctively to keep him close.

The silence stretched as I waited patiently for his answer. Unconsciously I had taken a step closer, hands reaching out to him. At this he whipped his head away from me, and for the first time I saw what he was trying to hide - A single crystal tear had cascaded down his cheek, looking nearly luminescent in the dim light of the afternoon. Alarmed, I pushed fear aside and walked closer to him, placing a hand on his cheek. Reluctantly he turned his head, and when his eyes raised to mine, I felt my heart stop and restart again. His voice was slightly hoarse as he whispered. "Yes."

He licks at the slight tears that escape my eyes, hands reaching to loop around my tiny frame and hold me close as he begins a slow, steady rhythm. With hazy eyes I begin to see us ascending, soaring through the morning sunrise, our hands intertwined and the sky endless. It's peaceful, serene, and everything I'll ever need.

For a moment I was speechless. There was nothing but the sound of our breathing, the falling rain, and my loudly beating heart. My emotions were waging war against one another in the whole of my being, and I was in so much turmoil I could barely think. So lost was I, that when he finally wrenched away, I only just caught his words.

"Goodbye...Akito."

Everything is so surreal in this, when my eyes lock on his and his hand squeezes mine. Every sense is more aware, each one experiencing beyond human comprehension. I see the way the light reflects off his silky hair, the way the cool air feels against my skin, and the sound of a million words being spoken in the silence between us. It amazes me to no small degree, and I revel in it as much as I can, willing this feeling of euphoria to last.

I stand there for a moment, ears ringing and heart beating as though trying to break free from my chest. My feelings are still unstable, but I come back to reality as a flash of lightning illuminates the sky. I begin to panic when I notice he's no longer with me. I jumpstart my ATs, kicking up a thick spray as I race through the streets. Tears begin to mingle with the rain on my face as I continue to search, my heart already dreading the thought that I might not find him. It is then I realize what I'd failed to realize all along - exactly what he meant to me.

All too soon it seems we're descending again, but then it changes and we're shot even higher, up into the silvery atmosphere. I gasp, surprised, and his hand tightens on mine once more, wanting nothing more then to share this experience with me- to completely give in, and feel free.

I drifted slightly as I rounded a corner sharply, the terror in my heart making me want to go faster. By now I was soaked, but I didn't care. I had to find him. It was getting more and more difficult to see, so abruptly I braked. Skidding to a stop, I took a moment to calm the sobs rising within me, as well as find out where I was. I had somehow traced the path he and I used to take when we practised, the last point being here, at Tokyo tower. And I knew even before my eyes found him that he'd be there. Wiping a sleeve across my eyes, I then set them determinedly on his position. Leaning heavily on my ATs, I built up a large amount of speed before I let it go.

He's watching me in wonder, his eyes full of love and tranquillity. It is the only time I truly see him, truly understand the person beneath. His whispered sighs and soft moans are not concealed by deceptive behaviour and a guarded personality. I know he sees the same in me, despite the differences, and we revel in these moments of clarity - The sky an ethereal blue, the sun a golden orange - and his cheeks an endearing pastel pink.

I shot forward like a rocket, instinct making me leap perfectly to connect with the steel support beams of the tower. Without missing a beat I continued to accelerate upwards, my entire being focussed on seeing him again.When at last I reached the top, my mind was hazy and my vision was beginning to swim. His back was facing me, but I knew he knew I was there. I stood in that position for some time, unsure- several times I tried to speak, but the words seemed ill perceived and were lost before they even reached my lips.Unconsciously, I took a step forward. I just wanted to be near him again

Time seems to have slowed for us, just us, and it's so beautiful it almost brings tears to my eyes. We're nearing the summit, the final crest, and my hands tighten in his, wanting nothing more then for us to breach it together. A smile tugs at his lips, as he kisses me gently, knowing exactly what I want to say, knowing exactly how I feel. It makes my heart beat wilder in my chest to know just how well he understands.

It seems an eternity has passed as we remain still, the torrential rain still pouring, much like the tears I want to shed. I cannot let him go, won't let him go, not like this. I need him like air, like light, and I know I would not be able to bear it if he disappeared. That fear alone seems to will me to action, as I cross the distance between us, and drop to my knees behind him. I wrap my arms around him from behind, uncaring that he may notice my tears and think me weak. I apologize profusely against his jacket, begging him to never leave me, and as the storm lulls, I whisper the one thing I know we both have come to realize. Slowly he extricates my arms from around his waist, and turns to take me in his arms, holding me tightly against him. Tears slowly begin tocascade down my face once more, and as I feel him shake, I know he is crying too. The wind howls a ferocious dance, but we are too enraptured in one another to notice. Quietly, passionately, I whisper infinity into his ear.

I can see it now, it's so very close, just within our reach. It's there, just above us, and with one more leap, we are able to touch eternity. Finally we've reached completion, our souls entwined as we attain the highest ascension. I open my eyes to look at him, and his face is heaven - soft, serene, and suspended in time. For a moment, we're floating in that amazing high, where it seems forever is now, endless and everlasting. But soon enough we're falling back to earth, back to reality. He smiles softly and kisses me, our hands still interlaced. When we break apart it is with hushed sadness and murmurs of our hearts, knowing the time has come for me.

Slowly my eyes begin to flicker, taking only the slightest amount of time to adjust. It's still early morning, the pale light beginning to banish the shadows of night. I know it won't be long now, before the others awake and this quiet tranquillity is lost in the confusion and panic of returning to the present. I smile and take the time to let it settle over me, a cold hand around my tiny broken, but beating, heart.

He smiles at me as I slowly begin to fade, my consciousness beckoning me more forcefully to reality. It pains me to know that it is here, and only here, that we'll ever be together - where we can be without fear of the truth and it's realness. It's bittersweet, complex and yet so painfully simple. It's almost too much in it's entirety, and yet it still feels as though it'll never be enough... But it has to be, because it is all I'll ever need, all I'll ever want. Because with him, I can seize the sky.

"Aishiteru, Agito."

End.


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