She always liked the idea of being trapped somewhere old and huge with a limited number of people in some secluded setting for the duration of her schooling. somewhere almost self sufficient. cheesy boarding school cliches like midnight feasts, midnight swims, hospital wings. Like home but less personal.
She liked to sit on the lawn and read and pull out bits of grass.
She liked to sit on ornate stone and scuffle her sneakers in the dirt where the grass refused to grow.
She felt like she grew up in the shadows of her brothers who grew up in the shadows of her friends. The whole school was overcast, like it was some competition.
She paints paintings of her own muses who don't get respected for being alive.
She writes in incredibly small letters to avoid being caught.
Because something must be wrong....
You didn't think about the echoing voices in the hall all messed up to an overwhelming staticy mess.
You didn't think about having to look at other people frolicking as though there was something you missed in class so you didn't learn. Stupid things like happiness or belonging.
You feel so removed from the drama of the school. you feel like.. You're not really sure.
She's been watching you from afar. Admires your spunk and wants to talk to you and have your eyes focused upon her listening to her plans and waffly stories.
You noticed her one day when she lost it at lunch. In a packed hall. Words yelled at her back about something or other. Rumors flying about something that happened in second year come out. Usually stoic, She lost it. Like. Snap. Roar. She knew she would pay but she wasn't going to take the whispers any more. Detention was served but she knew she won.
Your brothers hustle you up for a game of shuttlecock after class. You relent.
She sees you as she sits on some shelf of stone. knitting. She is concentrating and you are watching her as her face contorts with the more difficult stitches and the look of sublimity she gets as she repeats her actions.
You miss the shuttlecock.
Your brothers laugh.
You serve back.
She's knitting something indigo.
Your brother catches your eye and smiles a snide smile.
You step up your concentration and excuse yourself early to hide the blush that is growing behind your pale skin. You feel transparent.
She snuck away from her classmates who are working on various projects in the library and have roped her along as their latest pity project. She sees you going outside in a sea of boys and follows with the pretence of knitting.
Thinks about you all at home. Imagines an autumny world of ideal temperatures bare feet tree climbing animals everywhere a busy house made comfortable.
As you walk back to the courtyard you are rehearsing.
iHello. nice weather. do you want to go... to the library?/i
Urgh. Sounds stupid. You push your hair back behind your ears and wonder why any girl would want to spend time with you. Trying to think of excuses for any reason to say anything.
She looks up from her work and sees her walking towards her. Smiles nervously.
You manage to look and smile and keep walking.
Good one.
She liked to sit on the lawn and read and pull out bits of grass.
She liked to sit on ornate stone and scuffle her sneakers in the dirt where the grass refused to grow.
She felt like she grew up in the shadows of her brothers who grew up in the shadows of her friends. The whole school was overcast, like it was some competition.
She paints paintings of her own muses who don't get respected for being alive.
She writes in incredibly small letters to avoid being caught.
Because something must be wrong....
You didn't think about the echoing voices in the hall all messed up to an overwhelming staticy mess.
You didn't think about having to look at other people frolicking as though there was something you missed in class so you didn't learn. Stupid things like happiness or belonging.
You feel so removed from the drama of the school. you feel like.. You're not really sure.
She's been watching you from afar. Admires your spunk and wants to talk to you and have your eyes focused upon her listening to her plans and waffly stories.
You noticed her one day when she lost it at lunch. In a packed hall. Words yelled at her back about something or other. Rumors flying about something that happened in second year come out. Usually stoic, She lost it. Like. Snap. Roar. She knew she would pay but she wasn't going to take the whispers any more. Detention was served but she knew she won.
Your brothers hustle you up for a game of shuttlecock after class. You relent.
She sees you as she sits on some shelf of stone. knitting. She is concentrating and you are watching her as her face contorts with the more difficult stitches and the look of sublimity she gets as she repeats her actions.
You miss the shuttlecock.
Your brothers laugh.
You serve back.
She's knitting something indigo.
Your brother catches your eye and smiles a snide smile.
You step up your concentration and excuse yourself early to hide the blush that is growing behind your pale skin. You feel transparent.
She snuck away from her classmates who are working on various projects in the library and have roped her along as their latest pity project. She sees you going outside in a sea of boys and follows with the pretence of knitting.
Thinks about you all at home. Imagines an autumny world of ideal temperatures bare feet tree climbing animals everywhere a busy house made comfortable.
As you walk back to the courtyard you are rehearsing.
iHello. nice weather. do you want to go... to the library?/i
Urgh. Sounds stupid. You push your hair back behind your ears and wonder why any girl would want to spend time with you. Trying to think of excuses for any reason to say anything.
She looks up from her work and sees her walking towards her. Smiles nervously.
You manage to look and smile and keep walking.
Good one.
