Author: PhoebeOtaku
Title: When Life Hands You Sake...
Disclaimer: if this is the kind of stuff that might happen if I owned Rurouni Kenshin...aren't you sorta glad I don't own it?
Author's notes: what's with all the random inspiration hitting me in the shower...I'm blaming it on the Shampoo....they told me it was jasmine...I swear.... Btw- I AM sober right now...for those of you that are beginning to wonder...(I make no guarantees for remaining that way though...)
Warning: this is totally and utterly random. If I'm bashing someone don't take it seriously "if you can't make fun of something, you obviously don't love it enough." If people are OOC...remember that this is all in fun... AND...get some laughs, you look as though you've been reading too many angst fics lately.
Orororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororo?
Kenshin strode toward Saitou, his eyes a livid amber. Kaoru quivered in a corner of the dojo, her body wracked by the white heat of her turbulent emotions. Kenshin, her gentle rurouni, was ready to kill, to abandon all his vows and sever a thread of life. Hitokiri Battousai, an incarnation of raw killing power, radiated menace. The manslayer was no longer locked deep inside of Kenshin. Battousai was...he was...
"Kami-sama, Battousai is SO SEXY!!!" Finally burst out of Kaoru's parted lips.
Time seemed to stop as everyone in the dojo registered the electric shock supplied by Kaoru's words. Yahiko fainted, Saitou (yes, I said Saitou) actually 'oro'-ed in disbelief, and Sanosuke merely blinked several times (after all, he already knew she had a thing for tough guys...*wink wink hint hint*)
Kaoru slapped both of her hands over her mouth, staring up at those around her "Did I say that out loud?" she asked as everyone sweat-dropped.
Everyone except for Kenshin, who had actually somehow remained the Hitokiri through this. Battousai looked down at Kaoru, his eyes traveling almost lewdly along her form. "Just wait right there, sweetheart." He said, lust plain on his voice. "After I get rid of this trash," He gestured rudely toward the puzzled Saitou. "I'll teach you how to handle a real katana..."
Orororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororo?
"Ohayo! Yahiko-chan!!" cried Tsubame as she burst into Yahiko's room at the dojo. Yahiko blanched at the sight of the girl he had just been ...er....'thinking'... about.
"Tsubame-chan, what are you....?" He cut off as she gave him a decidedly tight and close hug, sending through Yahiko exactly the wrong kind of sensations. He was going to die. She leaned back and looked up into his face, once again doing very bad things to Yahiko's adolescent self control.
"I just wanted to make sure you got up in time to come help at Akabeko today..." she smiled innocently and shifted. 'Kami-sama, she's going to kill me!' Yahiko thought vehemently to himself.
"I brought over some breakfast to share, and wanted to make sure you got some." Yahiko's gutter bound young mind turning her last phrase completely the wrong way. Tsubame finally pushed away from him and looked up, Yahiko hoped she didn't notice the whoosh of air as he let out the breath he'd been holding.
"Are you coming, silly?" she asked, batting her eyes at him. Once again, Yahiko's dirty mind working wonders on the words.
"Yeah... er ... I'll be there in a minute.." he said as she slid the door open. 'Thank God, she hadn't noticed... anything... that she shouldn't' he thought with a mental sigh of relief.
"Oh and Yahiko-kun?"
"Yeah?"
"Nice bokken..." she said with fox ears and a distinctly Megumi-like laugh as she stepped out of the room, sliding the door closed and leaving an embarrassed Yahiko alone with his...er...weapon.
Orororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororo?
"Oh, Kenshin."
"Oh, Kaoru."
The couple continued with their somewhat diminished vocabulary as they lay in a most compromising position on the dojo floor. Kenshin's lust filled brain compelled him to turn Koaru's body, quickly pinning his lover almost roughly to the floor underneath him. Her bold and sensuous giggle in response let him know she liked this new tactic. Smiling he leaned down to kiss her neck, pushing against her.
"Oh, Kaoru!"
"Oh, Battousai!"
"ORO?!?!?!!"
Orororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororo?
"Hello all! Welcome to the first meeting of the SBD group!"
"The what?" asked Aoishi, reaching his typical two word limit. He only broke it whilst battling/philosophizing with Kenshin.
"shh..." a frustrated Misao stared up at Aoishi, 'Now, when someone else is talking, silence personified chooses to make noise.' She thought furiously at him.
"This is a support group for some of the best killer-slash-warriors around..."
Aoishi raised his eyes to the other men in the room, all of whom had quite obviously been dragged here by the women holding each of them in place. One of them looked up and caught his eye: young Japanese man, brown unruly hair, spandex shorts and a green tank top, a name tag reading 'Hello My Name Is... Heero Yuy: Gundam Pilot...omae o korosu'
Heero made a similar assessment of Aoishi: his nationality, hair, dark clothing and white trench coat, a name tag reading 'Hello My Name Is....Shinomori Aoishi: Oniwabanshu...Call me Okashira, Biatch..."
Blue eyes met blue eyes, icicles hung from their line of sight.
"We all know that you guys have a tough job, but it only gets tougher with lack of communication" continued the group leader "Now let's pair up and get to know one of the other people in the room."
Aoishi and Heero stared at each other.
"hn." (hi, I'm Heero, I'm also really hating it here. I mean, can't I just do my job without all this psycho babble.)
"hn." (I'm Aoishi, I totally agree. There are enough other reasons to psycho-babble at us, why can't they just accept that we don't really like to talk and leave it well enough alone.)
"nrr" (I personally think it's cause fan-girls like to hear sexy voices. So they're trying to get us to speak up more.)
*blink* (totally)
"GUYS!" screeched Misao "You're supposed to be communicating, ya Know! Make New FRIENDS!"
*sigh* (Women...can't live with them...typically can't kill them...)
*hm" (AUK characters....man, it's such a bitch)
*eyebrow twitch* (AUK?)
*roll eyes* (Annoyingly Un- Killable... while we're at it what does the SBD stand for in this support group?)
*snicker* (Silent But Deadly)
Orororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororo?
"Oh, Come on Kenshin! It's not like I called out someone else's name"
*impervious stare*
"Kenshin, so I find your more violent half attractive...it just proves that I love ALL of you...your past, present, and future" Kaoru scrambled, looking for something Kenshin would buy. Not noticing the woggling shiny-ness of Kenshin's eyes after the last statement, she pressed onward...as if saying whatever popped into her head. "It's sort of a 'moth toward the flame' thing...innocent girl attracted to dangerous men like ...say Tenken..."
"Soujiro???"
Kaoru nodded and obliviously continued "Or Aoishi..."
"Shi...Shinomori..."
"or Zanza" with a near imperceptible shiver over the last three names Kaoru really didn't notice Kenshin's anger.
"Sano...Sanosuke?" he stuttered.
"Oh, and Hiko-sama" with that Kenshin lost it, he couldn't even 'oro'. During this moment of insanity and anger over the other men Kaoru found attractive, Battousai came clawing to the surface.
Kaoru looked back at Kenshin and noticing the color change in his eyes, she pounced on him.
"Works every time." She snickered.
Battousai gave the Rurouni an extra mental shove toward the subconscious.
'Sayonara, sucker.'
Orororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororo?
"Short people got, no reason...short people got, no reason...short people got...no reason to live..."
Kenshin stared at his master sitting there sipping sake as he hummed that undeniably offensive song.
"They got little baby legs and they stand so low...you got ta...pick'em up just to say hello...."
Kenshin tightened his grip on the katana in his hand, knuckles white...mental images of his master's body hacked into tiny pieces...Hiko alla Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu...it was a beautiful picture. The picture helped block out the horrible taunting song for a moment, but only for a moment.
"Don't want no short people, don't want no short people, don't want no SHORT PEOPLE round me!!" Hiko sang at the top of his lungs.
"THAT'S IT!!!! I'm leaving to join a revolution!" Kenshin yelled at his master.
"But you haven't finished your training...and you'll just be used as a tool for your skills..." Hiko said seriously to his student's retreating back.
"Beats Stayin Here!!" Kenshin called out gesturing rudely toward Hiko as he stomped down the mountain.
"Ah, baka deshi" Hiko shrugged and returned to drinking his sake, humming softly.
Orororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororo?
End notes: The song 'short people' doesn't belong to me either. This reminded me of something I helped write before, with Alexa-chan, called Bedtime...and that was mostly GundamWing...so I couldn't resist bringing in Heero...(NOTE: I don't own gundamwing either) I'm thinking there will be more of this...whenever I think of something brilliant.. feel free to give me ideas for it ... (like chapter titles- I'm going for the phrase "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade" so I need titles like... 'make sushi' only funnier...hmmm)
I'm still working on my untitled GW fic (actually now entitled 'the simple explanation'...now I need to figure out chapter titles for that too!! darn it) Still working on Betrayal...REALLY Got a Soujiro fic started.... And now there's this to keep me amused in between....
Going on tour (feels like a diva) for four days (with 40 other divas, yeah chorus)... AND I've got scary scary projects and papers to do...so will be MIA for a while but I will try to do stuff ASAP (in between all the other stuff I do....heh...)
Title: When Life Hands You Sake...
Disclaimer: if this is the kind of stuff that might happen if I owned Rurouni Kenshin...aren't you sorta glad I don't own it?
Author's notes: what's with all the random inspiration hitting me in the shower...I'm blaming it on the Shampoo....they told me it was jasmine...I swear.... Btw- I AM sober right now...for those of you that are beginning to wonder...(I make no guarantees for remaining that way though...)
Warning: this is totally and utterly random. If I'm bashing someone don't take it seriously "if you can't make fun of something, you obviously don't love it enough." If people are OOC...remember that this is all in fun... AND...get some laughs, you look as though you've been reading too many angst fics lately.
Orororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororo?
Kenshin strode toward Saitou, his eyes a livid amber. Kaoru quivered in a corner of the dojo, her body wracked by the white heat of her turbulent emotions. Kenshin, her gentle rurouni, was ready to kill, to abandon all his vows and sever a thread of life. Hitokiri Battousai, an incarnation of raw killing power, radiated menace. The manslayer was no longer locked deep inside of Kenshin. Battousai was...he was...
"Kami-sama, Battousai is SO SEXY!!!" Finally burst out of Kaoru's parted lips.
Time seemed to stop as everyone in the dojo registered the electric shock supplied by Kaoru's words. Yahiko fainted, Saitou (yes, I said Saitou) actually 'oro'-ed in disbelief, and Sanosuke merely blinked several times (after all, he already knew she had a thing for tough guys...*wink wink hint hint*)
Kaoru slapped both of her hands over her mouth, staring up at those around her "Did I say that out loud?" she asked as everyone sweat-dropped.
Everyone except for Kenshin, who had actually somehow remained the Hitokiri through this. Battousai looked down at Kaoru, his eyes traveling almost lewdly along her form. "Just wait right there, sweetheart." He said, lust plain on his voice. "After I get rid of this trash," He gestured rudely toward the puzzled Saitou. "I'll teach you how to handle a real katana..."
Orororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororo?
"Ohayo! Yahiko-chan!!" cried Tsubame as she burst into Yahiko's room at the dojo. Yahiko blanched at the sight of the girl he had just been ...er....'thinking'... about.
"Tsubame-chan, what are you....?" He cut off as she gave him a decidedly tight and close hug, sending through Yahiko exactly the wrong kind of sensations. He was going to die. She leaned back and looked up into his face, once again doing very bad things to Yahiko's adolescent self control.
"I just wanted to make sure you got up in time to come help at Akabeko today..." she smiled innocently and shifted. 'Kami-sama, she's going to kill me!' Yahiko thought vehemently to himself.
"I brought over some breakfast to share, and wanted to make sure you got some." Yahiko's gutter bound young mind turning her last phrase completely the wrong way. Tsubame finally pushed away from him and looked up, Yahiko hoped she didn't notice the whoosh of air as he let out the breath he'd been holding.
"Are you coming, silly?" she asked, batting her eyes at him. Once again, Yahiko's dirty mind working wonders on the words.
"Yeah... er ... I'll be there in a minute.." he said as she slid the door open. 'Thank God, she hadn't noticed... anything... that she shouldn't' he thought with a mental sigh of relief.
"Oh and Yahiko-kun?"
"Yeah?"
"Nice bokken..." she said with fox ears and a distinctly Megumi-like laugh as she stepped out of the room, sliding the door closed and leaving an embarrassed Yahiko alone with his...er...weapon.
Orororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororo?
"Oh, Kenshin."
"Oh, Kaoru."
The couple continued with their somewhat diminished vocabulary as they lay in a most compromising position on the dojo floor. Kenshin's lust filled brain compelled him to turn Koaru's body, quickly pinning his lover almost roughly to the floor underneath him. Her bold and sensuous giggle in response let him know she liked this new tactic. Smiling he leaned down to kiss her neck, pushing against her.
"Oh, Kaoru!"
"Oh, Battousai!"
"ORO?!?!?!!"
Orororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororo?
"Hello all! Welcome to the first meeting of the SBD group!"
"The what?" asked Aoishi, reaching his typical two word limit. He only broke it whilst battling/philosophizing with Kenshin.
"shh..." a frustrated Misao stared up at Aoishi, 'Now, when someone else is talking, silence personified chooses to make noise.' She thought furiously at him.
"This is a support group for some of the best killer-slash-warriors around..."
Aoishi raised his eyes to the other men in the room, all of whom had quite obviously been dragged here by the women holding each of them in place. One of them looked up and caught his eye: young Japanese man, brown unruly hair, spandex shorts and a green tank top, a name tag reading 'Hello My Name Is... Heero Yuy: Gundam Pilot...omae o korosu'
Heero made a similar assessment of Aoishi: his nationality, hair, dark clothing and white trench coat, a name tag reading 'Hello My Name Is....Shinomori Aoishi: Oniwabanshu...Call me Okashira, Biatch..."
Blue eyes met blue eyes, icicles hung from their line of sight.
"We all know that you guys have a tough job, but it only gets tougher with lack of communication" continued the group leader "Now let's pair up and get to know one of the other people in the room."
Aoishi and Heero stared at each other.
"hn." (hi, I'm Heero, I'm also really hating it here. I mean, can't I just do my job without all this psycho babble.)
"hn." (I'm Aoishi, I totally agree. There are enough other reasons to psycho-babble at us, why can't they just accept that we don't really like to talk and leave it well enough alone.)
"nrr" (I personally think it's cause fan-girls like to hear sexy voices. So they're trying to get us to speak up more.)
*blink* (totally)
"GUYS!" screeched Misao "You're supposed to be communicating, ya Know! Make New FRIENDS!"
*sigh* (Women...can't live with them...typically can't kill them...)
*hm" (AUK characters....man, it's such a bitch)
*eyebrow twitch* (AUK?)
*roll eyes* (Annoyingly Un- Killable... while we're at it what does the SBD stand for in this support group?)
*snicker* (Silent But Deadly)
Orororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororo?
"Oh, Come on Kenshin! It's not like I called out someone else's name"
*impervious stare*
"Kenshin, so I find your more violent half attractive...it just proves that I love ALL of you...your past, present, and future" Kaoru scrambled, looking for something Kenshin would buy. Not noticing the woggling shiny-ness of Kenshin's eyes after the last statement, she pressed onward...as if saying whatever popped into her head. "It's sort of a 'moth toward the flame' thing...innocent girl attracted to dangerous men like ...say Tenken..."
"Soujiro???"
Kaoru nodded and obliviously continued "Or Aoishi..."
"Shi...Shinomori..."
"or Zanza" with a near imperceptible shiver over the last three names Kaoru really didn't notice Kenshin's anger.
"Sano...Sanosuke?" he stuttered.
"Oh, and Hiko-sama" with that Kenshin lost it, he couldn't even 'oro'. During this moment of insanity and anger over the other men Kaoru found attractive, Battousai came clawing to the surface.
Kaoru looked back at Kenshin and noticing the color change in his eyes, she pounced on him.
"Works every time." She snickered.
Battousai gave the Rurouni an extra mental shove toward the subconscious.
'Sayonara, sucker.'
Orororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororo?
"Short people got, no reason...short people got, no reason...short people got...no reason to live..."
Kenshin stared at his master sitting there sipping sake as he hummed that undeniably offensive song.
"They got little baby legs and they stand so low...you got ta...pick'em up just to say hello...."
Kenshin tightened his grip on the katana in his hand, knuckles white...mental images of his master's body hacked into tiny pieces...Hiko alla Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu...it was a beautiful picture. The picture helped block out the horrible taunting song for a moment, but only for a moment.
"Don't want no short people, don't want no short people, don't want no SHORT PEOPLE round me!!" Hiko sang at the top of his lungs.
"THAT'S IT!!!! I'm leaving to join a revolution!" Kenshin yelled at his master.
"But you haven't finished your training...and you'll just be used as a tool for your skills..." Hiko said seriously to his student's retreating back.
"Beats Stayin Here!!" Kenshin called out gesturing rudely toward Hiko as he stomped down the mountain.
"Ah, baka deshi" Hiko shrugged and returned to drinking his sake, humming softly.
Orororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororororo?
End notes: The song 'short people' doesn't belong to me either. This reminded me of something I helped write before, with Alexa-chan, called Bedtime...and that was mostly GundamWing...so I couldn't resist bringing in Heero...(NOTE: I don't own gundamwing either) I'm thinking there will be more of this...whenever I think of something brilliant.. feel free to give me ideas for it ... (like chapter titles- I'm going for the phrase "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade" so I need titles like... 'make sushi' only funnier...hmmm)
I'm still working on my untitled GW fic (actually now entitled 'the simple explanation'...now I need to figure out chapter titles for that too!! darn it) Still working on Betrayal...REALLY Got a Soujiro fic started.... And now there's this to keep me amused in between....
Going on tour (feels like a diva) for four days (with 40 other divas, yeah chorus)... AND I've got scary scary projects and papers to do...so will be MIA for a while but I will try to do stuff ASAP (in between all the other stuff I do....heh...)
