The street is wet, remnants of the evening's earlier downpour. Even now the stars are guarded by clouds, too thick to let any of their light through. The streetlights glow yellow in the oil slick puddles and the pavement is cold against Tris' feet. She's only got socks on and the rainwater soaks through the cheap cotton in seconds. She stops running when she hears the door slam behind her for a second time.
(Back when they first met, back when they first started this together, Tris would have kept running.)
Tris tangles her fingers in her hair and turns around, squeezing her eyes shut as more and more tears well up behind them and she can hear Tobias' bare feet running towards her.
(Back when they first met, back when they first started this together, Tobias would have let Tris run.)
Tobias calls her name again and Tris is not sure how many times he repeats it, but she opens her eyes and finds that it's raining again and Tobias is standing in front of her like he wants to grab onto Tris but the look in Tobias' eyes knows that doing so used to make Tris pull away harder. Now Tris doesn't always run, but here they are, two-thirty AM and Tris is still bracing herself for the goodbye.
"Tris." Tobias' voice is only a little louder than the sound of the rain against the roof of their house and the other homes on the street.
Lately everything has felt unstable and falling, but in those eyes, Tris finds that she can ground herself again.
"Listen." Tobias grabs onto Tris' arms and his grip is not tight or light, but firm and secure. Tris wants to fall into Tobias' chest and wrap her arms around the brunette, but she is shaking and it starts to rain harder but neither of them are registering the weather and Tobias' gaze is serious and unfaltering.
Tris clenches her jaw to keep her teeth from chattering together and nods stiffly.
"I'll never leave you alone."
Tris' heartbeat slams against her ribcage and bangs around, shaking her entire body even harder. "No—Tobias, I..." she starts weakly, their last fight too fresh to become a memory. Things said in anger are usually never all true and regret fills Tris up and tastes like bile under her tongue.
Tobias stops Tris simply by continuing to speak. "Do you remember when I held you for the first time?" she asks, though she doesn't expect an answer from the petite blonde. There are still tears streaming down Tris' face, mixing with the rain. Tobias blinks away the raindrops that have collected on his own eyelashes and continues, "I don't remember why or how we got there, but we found a bench and sat there. Together."
Tris remembers now. She remembers claiming the bench as "their bench" and planting one foot on it while declaring it loudly, just because she knew it would make her boyfriend laugh. It was when things were new between them and "boyfriend" was reserved for pillow talk and privately in her head.
"We watched the reflection of the city lights on the waves. I don't remember how long we were there or our conversation, but I will never forget what I felt. You put your arm around me and I looked at you and-"
And maybe now it's not just rain that's collecting under Tobias' eyes.
"I looked at you and it was like I was seeing you for the first time all over again," Tobias said.
(The first time he saw Tris was when she was waiting tables part time at a cafe near campus. When they were new like that, Tobias felt that if he moved too quickly, Tris would fly away.)
Tris looks down only because she's realized how hard she has been clenching her hands and suddenly the skin on her palms sting and itch and her arms are quaking from being held so rigid for so long. She opens her fingers and closes them around Tobias' wrists instead, mirroring him. "I remember," Tris acknowledged, her voice hoarse and scratchy.
(Tris had been like a bird that loved to fly, but was afraid of falling. They had both been so jaded, both convinced that nothing, especially a thing like love, would last. Tobias had secrets and walls guarding them, higher than any Tris had seen before. They had a hard time believing that love even existed for them.)
"I fell in love with you, all over again, sitting there by the water. That night, I started to believe. And I realized that I wanted to keep falling in love with you... all of the time. That's why I remember."
Tris remembers the city lights on the water. She remembers working up the courage to slide her arm fully around Tobias, so that there was no mistaking it for something else. She remembers Tobias looking at her and remembers finally understanding what people meant when they wrote that they had been speechless, because that was exactly what had happened. Tobias' eyes were beautiful, no question, but that night when he had turned to face her, his eyes had been so open... Tris had seen everything in them. It had knocked the breath from her lungs, harder than if she had actually fallen. It was like looking into Tobias' soul.
To anyone else, it wasn't a night that anything significant happened. It wasn't the first date, the first kiss or the first time they hashed out exactly what their relationship was and what they wanted it to be. What they hoped it could be. It wasn't the first time they made love or said "I love you" or traded apartment keys.
But, before that night, Tobias had never knows what home felt like. He'd never had a proper one, and Tris explained it to him.
"Tris, I-I've had a lot of things in my lifetime. Expensive clothing people would call priceless, collector's items, valuables..." Tobias says and the rain has subsided and water droplets are dripping off their elbows and chins and sleeves and hair. Tobias' lips are pale and he is trembling slightly. Together, they slide their hands down and rub fingers over knuckles to maintain warmth.
"But you- Tris. You-" Tobias tugs Tris' hands up and clasps them over her chest and it seems to give her the last bit of bravery that she needs. "You are the best thing that's ever been mine." He takes a quick breath afterwards, overcome by a burst of panic that shows up in him voice and the rapid clench of his fingers. "I don't mean it like you are a possession or that I, in any way, own- Oh."
The last word is sighed against Tris' lips. She tastes like salt and rain and love and not like goodbyes. She surges forward and kisses Tobias again and with it hopes so badly to convey what she feels. Because what she feels like is believing. She feels like she is home. She feels like staying.
"I've not had a lot of things, Tobias. All of my things were borrowed or stolen or temporary or fake. Nothing has ever been for me, meant for me. Not until you. Having you is the best thing that's ever happened to me. You're the best thing that's ever been mine."
Tobias closes the short distance between them. He is still cold and shivering, but this time Tris' lips are warm.
She pulls back from the kiss with a real smile and keeps her hand on the back of Tobias neck. His hair is still damp there at the nape and Tris rubs her thumb there softly. "Tobias. Listen," she says and her heart does that thing again because she's almost rendered speechless at the look Tobias gives her then, but Tris forges on regardless of those eyes. "I'll never leave you alone."
Tris leans her forehead against Tobias'. "We're gonna make it. I can see it now."
