Bad Hair Day

Disclaimer: Don't own. I wish I owned Roy and Black Hayate, though.

Roy woke up and stretched. Another day of pesky paperwork and annoying phone calls from Hughes. Nowadays it felt like that was all he ever did. He grudgingly got out of his nice warm bed and trudged to the bathroom, where he looked in the mirror.

His hair was an extreme mess. First he tried flattening it by running his hand through it. It only got messier. Then he tried brushing it down. It stayed down for two seconds, and then popped back up.

"What the…"

Then he got into the shower and washed it. His hair remained messy, frustrating the colonel. Why wouldn't his hair go the way he wanted? After he dried it, it sprang out right back into the position it was when he first got up.

"Let's try some hair gel." Roy muttered to himself after getting dressed.

He poured some hair gel onto his hand and put it on his hair. It finally went down.

"Haha! I have conquered-"

Boing.

Roy looked about ready to cry. His bead head would not go away, no matter what he tried! He tried putting even more hair gel on it, resulting in hair greasier than Snape's. So he had to wash it out again. Then he tried brushing it wet. It simply defied him, angering the Flame Alchemist.

Then he tried blow drying it flat. It worked for about 30 seconds… and then it sprang back up again. He tried freezing it flat, and his hair broke the ice and popped back up.

"GGGGRRRAAAAAAHHHH!!!!"

Eastern HQ

Riza was used to Roy being at least 15 minutes late.

But this was ridiculous.

He was now 45 minutes late. The pile of paperwork on his desk just kept growing so much she had to make another pile on the floor. Actually, another three piles.

"Where is he?" Riza said, frustrated. Her phone rang then and she picked it up.

"Hello, Eastern HQ Lt. Hawkeye Speaking…. Hello, Colonel Mustang WHERE THE (bleep) ARE YOU!!!" Riza screamed into the phone. On the other line Roy held the phone away from him.

Silence.

"Uh, Colonel?" Riza ventured warily. Did she anger him? (yes, Riza, you have angered The Roy.)

"I'm at home, Hawkeye."

Riza sighed. "And why are you still at home? You have so much paperwork there's three piles on the floor and one on your desk."

On the other end Roy swore. That was a hell of a lot of paperwork.

"I'm sorry, Riza. I have extreme bed head," Roy sighed, hanging his head, "And I've tried everything to get rid of it. Nothing seems to work."

"Well, that's no excuse not to come in and fill out this paperwork."

"Hawkeye, you don't understand…" Roy half-whimpered.

Riza sighed again. "Just come to work, I'll do something about it."

So Roy walked to work wearing his hat. As he walked into the building Riza was there to greet him with a bottle that had some green liquid in it.

"Hello, Hawkeye. What's in the bottle?" Roy asked curiously. Riza smiled.

"You'll see."

As they walked past the Investigations Division, Hughes and Sheska took one look at Roy's hair and burst out laughing. Havoc's cigarette dropped out of his mouth in shock. Falman looked at Roy's hair and left the building (Roy could hear him howling in laughter outside). Edward and Alphonse, who were in the building at the time, started cracking up and making jokes about his hair. Breda snorted and went back to his office. Riza tried her hardest not to laugh. She really, really did. Roy could tell she was trying because her shoulders were shaking.

"Does my hair really look that ridiculous?" Roy asked. Riza looked back at her colleague and giggled. She couldn't help it.

"I take that as a yes." Roy grumbled.

Just then, President Bradley walked in. Inside his mind, Roy screamed. NO NO NO!!! THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING! AUGH!

"F-F-Fuhrer President K-King B-Bradley! How are y-y-you?" Roy stammered, trying his hardest to cover his head. His defiant hair would not stay down.

"Hello, Colonel…pfft… Must… snicker…ang…" and then the president burst out laughing. Roy turned very red. After this was over, he was going to see if he could use alchemy to turn himself invisible.

"Wahahaha! Where a-a-are the Elric Brothers?" President Bradley asked, trying to control his laughter.

"Just follow the laughter." Riza giggled. President Bradley walked off, laughing.

This has got to be the worst day ever. Roy thought.

Riza led Roy to the bathroom.

"In." She said. Roy looked. His eyes got big.

"But this is the-"

"Do you want people to laugh at your hair more?" Riza said. Roy sighed and walked into…

The Forbidden Zone.

For Men.