Whaaaaaaat? I actually rewrote this story? Yes. Yes I did, because the idea is good, but the author sucks ;-;

For some reason I can't find all my old chapters, so this is all brand-spanking new stuff T_T I hope this revised version is better than the last. I have a whole new approach for this story and for my OC, and I'm crossing my fingers that it improved.

Disclaimer: I hate disclaimers. They make no sense and they're stupid, so from now on I'm going to call it The D. Yes, there is an innuendo there, because this is a Gintama fic and without innuendos it sucks tamas.


A troop of uniform-clad men slipped soundlessly through the alley, expertly averting bits of gravel and trash that would give their position away... and then a dumbass stepped on a can with an appallingly loud crunch.

Hijikata glowered venomously, and the man paled under the glare of the infamous Demon Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi.

He was currently leading the second division in an attempt to infiltrate the base of a new Joui faction, one that was abnormally aggressive. They were on the East end of a supposedly-abandoned warehouse, while the other divisions secured the perimeter, covering exits and eliminating guards on patrol before they could raise the alarm.

The horizon was beginning to change colour as the second squad got into position, waiting for Kondou's signal to attack over the shortwave radio.

Unease coiled in his gut and Hijikata, as always, longed for a cigarette. He was more of a bust-down the door-and-declare-war kind of guy than an infiltrating assassin. Stealth missions never turned out well for him. Their plans were always foiled and a simple, clean arrest ended up a blood bath.

A yelp startled the Vice-Chief out of his thoughts and his eyes flicked to the entrance of the alley.

"Speak of the devil," he sighed, as a steady stream of ronin blocked entrance, silently drawing their short swords that were more suited to the close quarters they trapped the Shinsengumi in.

The men immediately began to back up, only to find the exit blocked. They were completely surrounded.

Quickly shifting into formation with practiced ease, the Shinsengumi split, one half facing the exit and the other half the entrance. Sliding his katana out of his scabbard, Hijikata pointed it at the ronin.

"Ike, Shinsengumi!"

Everyone charged. Hijikata slashed at a ronin on his right and used the body to block the oncoming rebels that quickly filled his place, simultaneously using the weight to pivot himself to stab at a man attacking his undefended side. Swinging the sword in a deadly arc across three men, he narrowly dodging a wakizashi from behind and kicked a knife out of the hand of a ronin on the ground. A blade got past his defenses and nicked his cheek and he sliced the man down before the sword could inflict more damage.

The katana swords of the Shinsengumi were ill-suited for the closed space they were fighting in, while the shorter wakizashi and kodachi swords rebels had were conveniently perfect for the close-quartered combat. This was the third time the enemy turned the tables that month and Hijikata had personally made sure that this time the plans were confidential. The only conclusion he could draw on how the enemy knew their plans every time was that a mole had infiltrated the Shinsengumi.

He yelled as another blade sliced his arm, the offender smirking victoriously, thinking that the Vice-Commander was finished without the use of his sword-arm. Hijikata switched his katana to his left hand and took down the ronin with a fatal swing. With all his years training as a samurai he was proficient with the sword in either hand.

It was unsettling to think that there was a mole in the Shinsengumi. After all the crap they dealt with when Itou Kamotarou betrayed them, he knew that the inability to trust his comrades to watch his back would split them into factions again, like before. He didn't have time for this.

The slash on his arm was losing blood faster than he expected. The light-headed feeling was slowing his movements, only contributing to the upper hand of the enemy. The men were holding up better than Hijikata thought, but the number of black clothed bodies on the ground disheartened him. He seemed to be losing men all the time these days.

The ronin parted, letting a man step through, obviously the leader of the faction. Hijikata grimly acknowledged him as he stepped up to face him.

"Let's end this. You and I both lost enough men today."

"Cheh," the leader spat at the ground by Hijikata's feet. "You Bakufu dogs are on the losing side. We have far more numbers then you do- but I'll take you up on that. Today is the day you die, Shinsengumi."

Hijikata scowled at his cockiness as the ronin jeered their leader on, an infuriating smirk on his face as he drew two wakizashi swords from his belt.

In his peripherals Hijikata checked on his men, the ones who were able pulled the injured out of the way. A weary look of exhaustion was clear on their faces but clear determination and trust were in their eyes as they looked up to their leader.

His grip on the katana tightened. He would not fail them today.

Leaping forward, Hijikata slashed his sword across the ronin leader, who dodged it by a hair. As he stumbled backwards, Hijikata used the chance to knock one of the swords out of his hand. Distantly he heard his men cheer when the man swung his second sword at his undefended side. He knocked the blade away but not before it opened another gash on his right arm.

The ronin roared in approval for their leader and he was smiling openly now, pleased to have a chance to prove himself.

Hijikata used his cockiness to his own advantage and stabbed at their leader's open defenses. He parried, pushed off Hijikata's blade and brought his sword up above his head to bring it down in a deadly swing. The two exchanged a flurry of blows and blocks as Hijikata grew even more exhausted from the blood loss. The Shinsengumi leader lunged forward and thrust his sword at an opening. Realizing he miscalculated he pulled back just in time to block the sword that almost severed his arm. Pressing forward, the ronin leader determinedly pushed Hijikata's sword with his own. Using both hands the Vice-Chief pushed back, the pressure on his right arm increasing the flow of blood that began to gush out of the wound.

Entire body trembling, Hijikata pressed on with sheer will, the crossed blades sparking with the strain, the ronin leader pressing back with just as much force. He felt his foot slipping backwards but refused to back up or his own sword would cut him down.

Though his vision was blurring, he saw a ronin behind him raise an object and throw it at him. Something hard and heavy hit the back of his knee and his footing slipped. Hijikata managed to push the leader's sword away as he fell, but he lost his katana in the process. On his back defenseless he attempted to reach something, anything to block the oncoming blow but it was too late. The ronin leader towered over him with a triumphant grin and the Shinsengumi men cried out in horror as the sword was raised for the final blow when-

Something black and yowling fell from on of the roofs above, landing smack on the man's head. The thing hissed and clawed at his face and the leader screamed, scrabbling to get the creature off when-

"GET BACK HERE YOU STUPID CAT!"

-a white-clad figure fell from the roof in pursuit, landing on the man as well, this time bringing him down.

The ronin stared in slack-jawed shock and disbelief as a dirty, rumpled-looking girl sat on the unconscious body of their leader, struggling to hold down the squalling and spitting cat.

The pair froze when they realized the situation they literally fell into, and everyone paused, letting what just happened sink in.

"EH?!"


Hmm hmm. Ending the fight with an accident is very Gintama-esque. Right Mr. Cat?

Cat: Meow.

Apparently in Japan, when a black cat crosses your path it's good luck. What happens when a cat lands on your head...? Good luck? Bad luck? In this case when it does, a girl falls on you. So count your lucky stars for a black cat if you want a girl, hoho.

Cat: Don't laugh at your own jokes its dorky.

Me: ZOMG A TALKING CAT?!

Cat: Leave a review babe. Yes you.