Disclaimer: The world of anime as you know it would collapse around your ears if I owned Naruto or Sailor Moon. Literally.
Pairings: ItaUsa, SasuUsa, and onesided SakuSasu
And yet again, I've started another fic that's going to take me forever to finish. Sigh. Oh, I know, you'd all like to beat me to death with wooden spoons. Grab a number and get in line, dears. I'm afraid I'm in one of my fickle moods (the fever I'm running right now isn't helping. GODDAMNIT, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO GET FEVERS IN SUMMER. It's just WRONG!)
Ramen!!-- Usagi thinking
Ramen!!-- Naruto speaking/thinking
Enough with the damn ramen!!-- Kyuubi thinking/speaking
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"Konoha..."
Deep blue eyes swept the length of the town from the top of the Hokage monument, scorn etched deep in the holder of the blue eyes' face. Soft lips curved in a dry and mocking smirk as the blonde girl, hands on hips as she surveyed the village as if she owned it. Uzumaki Usagi smirked down at the people scurrying to and fro below her, amusement lighting her face as she observed their petty doings.
"Dear Konoha, my so-called home, reciever of my undying loyalty," Usagi murmured sarcastically, unholy glee lighting her features as she watched the sunlight reflect off of the windows and roofs of the village as if it were a jewel. Oh, it was a jewel alright-- a jewel that had lost its sparkle and its appeal to her.
Did I ever tell you I love it when you're sadistic and pessimistic, kit? Kyuubi's voice purred in her mind. Usagi smiled, genuinely this time, and sat down with a soft thump on the Yondaime's head, disrespectfully letting her legs dangle down onto his face and idly drumming her heels on the stone.
Only a hundred times a day, Tousan, she replied cheekily.
Bastard fox! Don't encourage her! Naruto shouted as both his sister and the demon flinched from the sheer volume of his voice. Sandaime-ojii is getting suspicious enough without you talking her into a bloodthirsty state.
As much as I hate to admit it, the gaki is right, Kyuubi huffed, sounding affronted. The old man is beginning to stick his wrinkled old nose too far into our business lately. You're going to have to make an effort to act cheerful-- well, as cheerful as you can be anyway.
Usagi sent the image of herself pulling down her eyelid and blowing a raspberry at the demon, and grinned outright at Naruto's howls of laughter and Kyuubi's grumblings about disrespectful mortals.
Heh...So, do you think you should fail the exams again or just skip out this time, Usa-chan? Naruto inquired thoughtfully. Usagi twitched at the nickname her brother insisted on calling her, giving a scorching glare of death to the air in front of her.
I think I'll skip this time, Naru-chan, she responded mildly, laughing to herself as Naruto cursed at her and Kyuubi chuckled. There's just one year left of this shit until I can't try again. Ojii-san can't keep me in the Acadamy after that without being accused of favoritism, which would be completely true. After that I'll high-tail it out of Fire Country and forget there ever was a place called Konoha.Fat chance of that one, Naruto grumbled. Kyuubi growled in agreement, all three of them silent in reflection of the cruelty heaped upon Usagi. In the end, it was the fox who decided enough was enough.
Enough's enough, brats, he growled. Don't you have some training to be doing, kit? Kyuubi demanded of the blonde girl. Said blonde girl rolled her eyes, but obediently pulled her sword out of its sheath and began her katas.
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Soft
crying resonated within the apartment walls as the moon's unforgiving
light shone down on the sobbing blonde child. The whisker marks on
her cheeks stood out even more vibrantly as tears rolled over them.
Mirror shards were scattered everywhere, reflecting her visage
mockingly, as if they were taunting her, determined to show her
exactly what kind of monster they thought she
was. A sigh resonated in the depths of her mind as the child
felt Kyuubi awaken and shift. "I...I don't..."
"Thank
you," Usagi whispered, the tears renewing their trek down her
face-- not in sorrow, but in gratitude. Thank
you...
"You're not fucking serious."
He's fucking serious,Kyuubi noted, half amused and half outraged.
"Yes, I am serious, Usagi," Sarutobi said, glowering at her. "No more failing the genin test on purpose-- oh yes, I know about your little schemes! I--"
Little schemes, he calls them, Usagi thought in irritated indignation. Well those 'little schemes' have been more than effective in fooling the whole freaking population of Konoha into thinking I'm the dobe of my class! Where does the old fart get off, calling my great plans 'little'?
Great plans, huh? Naruto remarked sourly. I
still think you should have gone with my
plan and aced all those damn tests to rub it in their smug
faces. You're only saying that because you want me
to get in a fight with Sasuke Uchiha.
"Crystal, ojii-san," Usagi said, nodding contritely as she meditated on what kind of ramen she should have for dinner. The Sandaime's eye twitched at her air of nonchalance.
"Did you listen to a word I just said, Usagi?" he demanded.
"Nope." The Hokage facefaulted. The blonde allowed herself a small grin of victory-- Usagi: Forty-nine. Sarutobi: Twenty-two.
Sarutobi extracted himself from his up close and personal meeting with his desk and reached into his desk drawer for a certain paper that he'd been keeping back for an occasion like this. "I really didn't want to do this, but you forced me..." Usagi stopped smiling and gave him and his paper a wary look.
"What's that?" she said, not really wanting to know. The old man grinned at her wickedly, and Usagi felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise and goosebumps prickle her skin. This definitely wasn't good.
"This is an order to ban ramen from ever being bought or consumed in Konoha," Sarutobi said, letting it sink in as he cackled evilly and did a victory dance in his head as he watched it drive home.
You've got to hand it to the old bastard, he really knows how to hit where it hurts, Kyuubi commented as Usagi and Naruto were paralyzed with horror.
No... ramen. That's just...INHUMANE! Naruto shrieked, flailing around in her mind. Usagi didn't reply, staring at the Hokage with her eyes like saucers.
"You wouldn't dare," she stated at last.
"Wouldn't I?" the Sandaime challenged, the pen in his hand hovering threateningly over the paper. Usagi growled.
No! I can't give in! My dream of leaving this damn village behind! But...my ramen... precious ramen. Kyuubi sweatdropped as Naruto nodded enthusiastically to her statement.
"Fine," Usagi spat. "I'll pass your stupid genin exam."
The Hokage was too busy congratulating herself to notice the sly look pass over the blonde's features. Kyuubi and Naruto, however, were a different story altogether.
You have a backup plan, kit?
Yeah, come on, let us in on the big secret!
It's simple, but oh so brilliant, Usagi thought gleefully. I really have to thank old man Teuchi for telling me that all jounin test their genin team to see if they're worth their time. So, I just fail that test, and take another year at the Acadamy, and then fail it again! BWAHAHAHAHAA!!!Aren't you modest, Kyuubi deadpanned.Quiet, bastard fox. It's a good idea, and more importantly, it's going to work!
Ojii-san really should learn to word his orders better. You'd think being Hokage would have made him learn that.
Usagi turned on her heel, sticking her nose in the air in the pretense of a huff as she stomped out. Inwardly, both the blonde and the Hokage were congratulating themselves on a plan well set in motion.
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This was it. This was the last straw. Konoha really, really, needed to be razed to the ground-- preferably in the most humiliating way possible (rabid five year-olds armed with flamethrowers and rubber chickens came to mind). The village was getting a little too lax in its standards for shinobi. Plus, since the genin exams were always easy, Usagi really had to work to make herself seem incompetent.
But seriously, Bunshin no Jutsu? That was just insulting. Nevertheless, Usagi obediently formed the hand seals.
"Bunshin no Jutsu," she stated clearly. Two perfect clones popped into existence behind her, awaiting her orders.
"Well done, Usagi!" Iruka praised, smiling proudly as he made a mark on his clipboard. He took a hitai-ate out of the box next to him and held it out to her, brown eyes sparkling with good cheer. The blonde couldn't help but smile back-- she was fond of her scarred teacher, who treated her much better than his colleagues did and actually made an effort to teach her something. She did her best to hide her distaste for the hitai-ate in his hand as she took it and jammed it in her pocket. There was no way in hell she was going to be caught dead wearing that thing.
"Hang on, Iruka," Mizuki interjected. Usagi swiveled to glare at him, daring him to say something. "Uzumaki's failed the exam three times, and flunked nearly all the written and physical tests. We can't just pass her because she decided now would be a good time to study."
"Oh yes, we can," Iruka growled. "I've quizzed Usagi in private on all the things we went over in class, and she demonstrated a clear and precise knowledge of everything I asked her about. I've sparred with her many times, and she's won a considerable number of them. The only reason she failed all those tests was because she didn't bother to put effort into any of them."
If Usagi could have punched the well-meaning chuunin, she would have. Way to blow my cover, Iruka-sensei.
It's your own fault for being so trusting. You could have kept up the dobe act around him, but noooooo, you had to act SMART.Shut up, fox. He didn't mean any harm, Naruto said sternly.
They never do, and look where he landed us! That meddling chuunin probably has all that information in his files, too. Those files will be passed on to Usagi's jounin sensei, who will KNOW she failed everything on purpose, who will then screw us over.Damn Iruka-sensei. Mizuki does look pretty funny with that gawping-fish look on his face, though.
Usagi turned her glare on Iruka, then stalked out into the classroom, fuming to herself and calling her former sensei everything under the sun. Shikamaru waved her over-- well actually, he moved two of his fingers, but it was the Shika equivalent of a wave since anything else was too troublesome-- and the irate bunny stomped over to him and plopped down next to him. The lazy genius raised an eyebrow at the displeased aura radiating off of his blonde friend.
"Troublesome," he commented tiredly. "What are you so angry about?"
"I passed, that's what," Usagi snarled furiously. "And that Mizuki-teme said that I shouldn't be passed because I already failed three times."
"Troublesome sensei," Shikamaru grumbled.
He's lucky that BREATHING isn't too troublesome. Wonder what he'd do then?
Not much,
since he'd be dead.Shut up, the both of you. I'm
trying to throw a hissy fit quietly.Awwww, poor
baby. I hate you.
Shikamaru rolled his eyebrow as Usagi zoned out, scowling at the unoffending patch of air in front of her. The troublesome girl had some odd quirks, but those who didn't in the world of ninja stood out like sore thumbs. It seemed like a requirement to being a ninja to have issues or strange habits (coughGaicough).
Oh, stop it. This just means you'll have turn the dobe act on high and deny everything Iruka says...or claim amnesia.And I'm supposed to be thrilled about this?No, you're SUPPOSED to do it and do it with a will, because if you don't I'll eat up all your chakra and give you indigestion for a week, Kyuubi threatened, and Usagi shuddered. He'd done it before, after all, and that had caused her unbelievable grief in explaining it to Iruka during class. Of course, the damn fox would have picked the day the class had to demonstrate Henge no Jutsu to pick a fight with her.Fine, dammit...Where's Naruto? Usagi felt the great fox snort and shift in his cage.
He went into your inner mindscape complaining about tests and sanctimonious idiots.I didn't think Naruto knew the word 'sanctimonious'.He doesn't.Usagi expelled a breath of exhausted annoyance, and turned her gaze out the window. Shikamaru was already creating Zs beside her, already bored with her lack of conversation. She considered shoving him off of the desk for falling asleep, but decided against it simply because he deserved a reprieve.
Wonder who my teammates will be...0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
No! Not like that! Idiot kit!"Can it, Tousan," Usagi muttered, correcting her stance as she shifted her grip on Ketsueki, her sword. "I'm doing the best I can."
You've been spacing out for the last few hours, Usa-chan. Is there something wrong? Naruto asked, having returned from his 'happy place', as Usagi had teasingly called it.
"Nothing, just...Did you see how Mizuki looked at me?" the blonde questioned, only half concentrating on her sword swings.
Looked at you? How do you mean--? HOLY SHIT!! THE MAN'S A PERVERT, ISN'T HE?!? HE WAS LOOKING AT YOU IN A NASTY WAY, WASN'T HE?!?!? I'LL KILL HIM, I'LL RIP HIS--STOP BABBLING, BOY!! Kyuubi roared in irritation. She didn't mean he was looking at her in a perverted way-- if he had, he wouldn't be breathing right now.
"Right. He was pretty ticked off when I passed, and after school he kept glaring at me like I defaced the Hokage monument," Usagi said, half-wondering if Naruto had destroyed her inner ear with all his bellowing.
Baby, you DID deface the Hokage monument."That was years ago. I wonder if he was planning something that counted on me failing the exam?" the blonde bunny mused as she decapitated a tree stump.
Probably. Forget the teme, onee-chan. He's got nothing to do with us now, Naruto dismissed, still a little annoyed with Mizuki for 'looking' at his sister.
"Absolutely right," Usagi affirmed. No sooner had she said that then the bushes next to her rustled warningly and something shot out of them. Startled, the blonde whipped around, Ketsueki still grasped tightly in her hand.
WHAM.
Usagi blinked up at Mizuki, who had gone inordinately white and was wheezing helplessly, and wondered what the hell was wrong with him. She looked down and noticed that Ketsueki's hilt was jammed into a rather...ah...uncomfortable place.
"Oops."
Her former sensei keeled over in a dead faint. Usagi sweatdropped, unsure if she should break down laughing or just get on with training.
Whoa. Right in the nuts. Man, that's gotta hurt.
The blonde nodded absentmindedly to her brother's commentary as she picked up the large scroll Mizuki had strapped to his back. Her eyes widened in shock and then indignation as she realized exactly what the scroll was and where it came from.
"That creep! This is Ojii-san's Forbidden Scroll!" Usagi said angrily, scowling down at the teme's prone form. Still muttering to herself, she pulled some rope out of her pouch and used it to bind Mizuki's wrists and ankles, and then sat on him as she studied the scroll her ex-sensei had so rudely swiped.
"I don't think Ojii-san would mind if I helped myself to a few of these jutsus, do you?" the blonde said thoughtfully as her face split into a prankster's grin.
Not at all, Kyuubi and Naruto chorused, also grinning from within her mind's depths.
"That's what I thought," and with that, Usagi got to work.
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"Usagi! What are you doing?" Said rabbit looked up innocently into Iruka's eyes.
"Me? I was just training here, and then Mizuki-sensei came running in here and knocked himself out. He really should look where he's going next time," Usagi informed her favorite teacher seriously, biting back an evil smirk. Iruka frowned at her, clearly not believing his wide-eyed student, but chose not to press the subject.
"Nevermind. Give me that scroll, and help me carry Mizuki," he ordered gently. Usagi made a face at his back.
So much for taking it easy for a while, she thought, and then grinned. She had gone through the entirety of the scroll-- Kyuubi had told her to skim through it, and he would memorize everything and teach it to her later.
Heehee... Konoha, watch your back.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
THERE. First chapter is DONE. Now if you'll please excuse me, I have to go to the library to pick up my nephew. Ja ne!
Read and Review, please!
