You're moving far too fast but it isn't nearly fast enough.
You know her, and you love her, and you definitely want her, but you can't shake the feeling that nothing is right, nothing is normal; nothing could ever work between the two of you.
Everything is glowing when you're with her, jolting you awake and aware like nothing you've ever felt before. You want to slow down for a moment, to speak to her and get to know her like you should, but you're terrified that if you stop for anything at all she'll be gone as quickly as she'd come.
You want her, you want her, but you shouldn't. Not the way you do. You feel like she's been part of you forever, and you feel like you meet her all over again every time you say hello. It's disorienting, to say the least, but you can't escape the vicious cycle because to do that, you'd have to try.
You aren't so sure you want to.
When you talk it's about commitment and love and you make hundreds of promises you'll never, ever be able to keep. She certainly doesn't seem to mind, drinking it in happily, living in a world of temporary, fickle lies and not once stopping to look back.
You fell in love with her cold, fierce determination, not her body (though you'd never tell anyone that but her). When you're alone, though, she transforms. She's sweet and smiling and soft around the edges, eyes mysterious and hair like honey. It should hit you in some substantial way, but it just amplifies everything you've been feeling. You want her more.
You fight often, rain pouring around you and streaming into your eyes. She's cursing your name loudly, screaming at the pitch black 2 AM sky with a vicious desperation she shouldn't possess, not at this age. (It's your fault she possesses it, and you know it). Within minutes you're kissing, the issue all but forgotten, and you think that it can't get any better than this.
You love her so much it physically hurts, but you can't bring yourself to care.
You find that this love is what propels you forward when reality can't. You find that even when you search for a distraction, she's the girl on your mind. You find that you can't forget her no matter how hard you try. This love is what keeps you together, you and this girl you don't know nearly well enough to be proposing to, yet you do it anyways, because all you ever needed was the time you never had. This ring is you telling her that you'll make time for her. Always.
Apparently she feels the same way, because four years later you're living together, throwing casual insults with a precision that can only come from familiarity, and you're happier than you've ever been. You still don't know her well enough, but you find that it doesn't matter, not really.
You were never one for pleasantries.
