Hey guys, so I know it's kind of been six months since my last instalment of the 'Hidden Sentiment Series' ended, and yes, I've been through some tough things, mainly Joseph withdrawal.
But I found myself looking up… To YouTube and re-watching all the yummy, and nasty (but still sexy) Jac and Joseph moments, which made me ever more inspired to write the next part of the series.
Please read and review, even if you did not enjoy it, tell me why!
It's kind of a bit backwards, because I've put them into Consultant Jac times, mainly because I'm beginning to like Sahira.
Anywho…
This part is going to be a two-shot. So hopefully you look forward to the next chapter. :D
Disclaimer: If I owned Holby City, don't you think I'd already have made Jac and Joseph have many'a lovely babies together?
Hidden Sentiment: Coming Home
Jac Naylor never expected to be throwing her lunch and dinner up in the bushes of the motorway lay by at half nine that evening. She had known the oily sensation in the pit of her stomach the moment she had awoken from her nap; and she did not like it one bit.
"Joseph, how far from the services are we?" She asked, almost in a hurry.
A startled Joseph, not knowing she was awake until the very moment she spoke, smirked, "Why, do you need to go to the toilet? I told you to go before we left!" He teased.
One glance at her, made him second question what was happening. "About half an hour away, why?" He blurted almost as fast as she did.
"I can't wait that long. Pull over." She ordered.
Panicking, Joseph looked at the now almost empty motorway, checking in his mirror, he pulled into the side lane, waiting to reach a lay by.
"I said pull over!" She ordered again, one hand on her stomach, the other over her mouth, all colour had drained from her face.
"We can't just stop!" He shouted back, regretting it.
Luckily, it was only another thirty seconds before they reached the lay by, and Joseph pulled into it. Jac, all to grateful, but a bit to busy to say so, leapt out of the passenger door and leaned into the bushes, not even questioning if it was still raining.
"Sorry." She apologised for what must have been the tenth time since she finally stopped throwing up.
Joseph carried on tenderly rubbing her back, "Jac, stop saying you are sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for." His doctor instincts kicked in with a resounding sigh, "How long have you been like this?"
"About three days," Jac replied, looking anywhere but those loving blue eyes.
"Jac," He groaned, rubbing a hand over his face, "You said you would tell me if you got worse!"
"And I haven't!" She shouted in reply.
His hand came to rest on her clammy forehead, "Do you feel okay to move?" Joseph asked, looking to the sky to be met on his face by a few light trickles of rain. It seemed to be waiting for them to reach the car before it got heavier.
After her short nod, he helped her to stand, Jac leaning her body weight into him, which was virtually nothing. Joseph made sure she was securely in her seat and buckled in before racing around to the driver side and scrambling in, a thin layer of rain all over him. The second the door closed, the rain picked up even more.
Looking to his side, he watched Jac rub at her stomach, grimacing. "Stomach cramping?"
"Mmm Hmm." She answered, lips pressed into a thin line.
"Cramping as in actual pain, or cramping like you're going to be sick, but there is nothing to throw up?" She mustered enough energy to show him the number two with her fingers, "Alright. Have you been dizzy?" Jac nodded, "Tired?" Another, "Slightly feverish?" And again, she nodded. "Jac." Joseph said, in a sigh.
After a moment, she looked into his eyes with her own watery ones, "It's just the flu."
Instead of arguing, Joseph nodded, and then informed her, "I'll call the hospital," She almost shouted out in protest, "Not to get you checked, you're right, it does seem like flu, just to tell Hanssen that you won't be doing your shift." He knew she must feel awful, as the ginger offered not a single word of argument.
"Thanks."
"I'll stop at the next service station and we'll get you a drink and some food." Watching her lurch towards him in protest, he added, "You need to at least try and eat something. No arguments." Carefully he slid the mobile phone from his pocket, "Just rest for now." Joseph told her, with a sympathetic look, then he began to ring a number.
Henrik Hanssen's phone rang six times in total, before the answering machine picked it up, Joseph groaned and hung up before it started to record the message and rang another number, one with someone who could point him in Hanssen's direction.
"Hello, Darwin ward." Came the all too chirpy voice of Sahira Shah.
"Hello, Miss Shah, it's Joseph Byrne."
"To what do I owe this pleasure?"
"I've been trying to get through to Hanssen, but he doesn't seem to be answering the office phone, do you know where about he is?" Out of the corner of his eye, Joseph observed as Jac fanned her face down with her hand.
"I'll get him, one second."
While waiting for Hanssen to reach the phone, Joseph turned the air conditioning, that was blowing out hot air, onto cold. Jac gave him a grateful look and mouthed her thanks. Instead of giving her a reply, Joseph pressed his free hand to her forehead. His brow creased, using all of the medical knowledge he had, which of course, was quite a lot, he tried to figure out what the warmness of her forehead meant.
Whether it was due to the vomiting, the heater being on, or the fact she actually had a fever, he could not tell. Mentally, he reminded himself to check her out when they arrived at the service station, knowing she would be cooler from throwing up, and the heater by then, so if she were still warm, it was definitely a fever.
"Hanssen." Henrik's voice came down the phone, making Joseph jump a little, forgetting he was waiting for him to come to the phone.
He composed himself quickly, "Hello, this is Joseph Byrne, I am phoning to inform you that Ms. Naylor is unwell at the moment, and, for the safety of the patients, she will not be able to attend her shift tonight."
"Is she okay?" Joseph knew Hanssen was asking out of obligation, not an ounce of concern were in his words.
"She's got a fever, dizziness, tiredness, stomach cramps and has been throwing up." He informed Hanssen. "It seems like a bit of the flu."
Hanssen sighed, "Make sure she gets plenty of rest and fluids."
For a moment, Joseph restrained himself from reminding Hanssen that he was a doctor also.
"I assume we will be seeing you for your shift Doctor Byrne."
"Of course." Assuming that that was Hanssen's 'in human' way of saying good bye, Joseph hung up the phone.
"Hanssen not to pleased to lose a Consultant for the day?" Jac smirked, and Joseph could tell she was feeling a little bit brighter.
"No, actually, he said that you should rest and get plenty of fluids."
Jac scoffed, "Yeah, because neither of us 'Doctors' would have figured that out, does he think our qualifications are written in crayon on the back of a sweet packet!"
Joseph laughed, but gave a frown when he saw Jac had used the little energy she had to give him that speech, "Rest. I'll wake you up when we get to the Service station."
He switched the over head light off, turned the key in the ignition and began to drive back on the shining road. Window wipers hastily pushing the rain off of the windscreen.
...
Joseph felt a pang of guilt as he shook Jac's shoulder to bring her back from her short slumber. She looked so peaceful, for once, and it almost worried him, had it not been for the slow rise and fall of her chest, he would have been checking her pulse.
"Jac." He whispered.
Fluttering green eyes met his concerned brown ones.
"We're here." Joseph informed her, shivering in the pouring down rain, despite putting his jacket on this time.
"Home?" She mumbled.
He smiled at her childlike voice, "No, just the service station. I thought you needed a drink to get rid of the taste in your mouth." Jac nodded, "We should be home in about an hour though.
Attentively, he unbuckled her seatbelt, and made sure she was standing without his help, and dizziness before passing Jac her coat from the back seat.
"Walk slowly." He reminded her, when they began the walk over to the services building.
Jac, now leaning into his side, Joseph's arm around her waist to keep her upright, shot him a glare, "If we walk any slower, I'm going to get even sicker from the rain."
"It's a damn good thing your fiancé is a doctor then, isn't it?" Joseph smirked, and gave her a light peck on the cheek.
The first shop they found when they entered the building, was a Starbucks, which was already closed. Jac thanked God that it was, knowing her stomach could not take the smell of coffee at the minute, and another bout of vomiting would surely send Joseph into a frenzy.
They stopped into WHSmiths and picked up two bottles of water for her, and some breath mints. Joseph had assured her she did not need them, but Jac had insisted.
"I'm just going to the toilets to try and freshen myself up a bit." She informed him, Joe's eyes went wide.
"Jac, that's not a good idea, what if you pass out in the toilet, or need help?"
Smiling, Jac took a bottle of water and the mints from his hand, "If I need anything I will come back out and find you, and if I'm not out in fifteen minutes, you can come in after me."
Joseph seemed satisfied by the answer, but was still a little nervous, "Alright, I'll go and get us some sandwiches, I'll only be over there." He pointed to the middle seating area.
She waited for him to walk away, but he never did, so, with a resounding smile, Jac walked towards the bathroom, mouthing 'I'll be fine' one last time before she entered the toilets.
No one else was in the toilet, and, judging from the emptiness of the entire place, she guessed they were two of only seven people that were actually here, not including the staff.
Ridding her mind of the thought, Jac began to splash some of the cold tap water over her face, before drying it with some toilet paper she retrieved from a cubicle. A glance in the mirror told her she was almost deathly pale, and, working so close with death, she knew accurately what that looked like. Neither her or her complexion were pretty.
She pinched her cheeks, trying her best to add a small amount of colour to them, but failed, instead her cheeks begun to sting.
Jac sighed, and began to fix herself a little more. Pulling a hair bobble from around her wrist, she tied her hair back into a messy bun, not able to even care about the bumps and sticking out pieces. Then she opened the bottle of water, and took a mouthful, swilling her mouth out.
Glad she had rid herself of the foul vomit taste, she set about getting rid of the acidic burn in the back of her throat, swallowing at least another third of the water.
Then she popped two mints into her mouth, and chewed them with haste, knowing if she took too long, that door was going to burst open, and a worried Mr. Byrne would be checking her over.
Making sure there was enough time, she quickly relieved her bladder and washed her hands, before walking back out into the main centre, where all the food places sat. McDonald's, KFC, Burger King and just the simple sandwich bar. Jac had to wonder why the hell they needed all of those fast food places here.
Her eyes locked to Joseph's face, and she smiled, seeing he had found a place to sit, where he was watching the toilets, probably for ease of access to race in and save her. Jac's heart almost stopped as she saw him sat there with a steaming cup of coffee and two sandwiches.
Gulping, she hoped to god that she would not throw up.
"How're you doing?" He asked her, standing and escorting her to the seat facing him.
"I am fine, Joe. I promise." Looking away from his blue eyes, her green eyes stopped at the coffee, the aroma hitting her. Instead of breathing the scent in, Jac blew a breath out, trying her best to move the smell away from her.
"Mouth." Joseph ordered, it confused her to hell, but as she looked back to him, Jac realised he was holding a thermometer.
"Where did you get that?" She questioned.
Joseph gave her a smile, "Found the medicine isle in WHSmiths, now open up."
Not arguing, Jac opened her mouth, raised her tongue, and closed it on the thermometer.
"I got you ham and cheese, is that alright?" Joseph nodded his head towards the sandwich. Jac gave a nod, thankful it was not something as smelly as tuna, knowing her stomach would not be able to take it. Her eyes fell down to the coffee once again, Joseph noticed, "Do you want a coffee?"
She could not have shuck her head any faster if she tried.
"Sorry, is the smell making you sick?" He gave an apologetic look, and downed the remainder of the steaming hot liquid, not caring for the burn in his throat.
He threw the cup, and got it into the bin a bit over from the table, before taking the thermometer out of her mouth.
"You didn't need to do that." Jac said, referring to the coffee.
"Of course I did. Don't want you getting sick on the way home." He analysed the stick of glass, "Everything seems fine, no actual fever, so I am ruling appendicitis out."
Jac shot him a glare, "I told you, it's just the flu. Stop going through everything trying to find something wrong with me."
Needless to say, after having his head bitten off, Joseph had treaded carefully around Jac, but still made sure she ate the sandwich, and, when they arrived home, made sure she was changed and perfectly fine before he helped her to bed. Searching through their medicine cabinet, grabbing a couple of tablets that should make her feel better, he re-entered the bedroom.
"Jac." Joseph said, she opened her eyes and smiled at him. "I need you to take these, then you should feel better."
Worry filled her features, but she took the pills from him, "Water?"
As Joseph walked back downstairs to get a cup of cold water, she deposited the pills in her bedside draw, holding her hand like she was still holding them. When he returned, she pretended to swallow them, followed by a few gulps of water.
"Alright, just rest now. I'll be home at seven."
He kissed her forehead before leaving and heading towards the car, locking the door behind himself, he headed to a long day of work.
Jac lay in the bed, pretending to be asleep until she heard the car pull out of the driveway, then she sat up with a groan. Carefully, she popped her slippers on and pulled a bag out from under her bed. After pouring the content on the bed, she sighed. Now or never, she told herself.
Grabbing two of the boxes from the bed, she put the rest back under and walked into the bathroom.
Nerves made her almost throw up again, but instead, she sat against the bath on the floor, reading over the box again, and again, making sure she knew all the details.
This must have been the twentieth time she read them, six times over today already and the other fourteen times she read them were the previous times she had taken them. Every time there was a terrifying feeling inside herself.
Her mind always replayed the disappointment, and relief, she felt every time it showed negative.
Jac was never sure what she wanted the answer to be.
Although, as a doctor, she knew it was better to know, than not to and do something stupid, even if it meant the disappointment.
She followed the instructions on the back of the box, and placed them along the side of the bath before resuming her seat on the floor. Timing three minutes against her watch.
Thinking everything over in her head, Jac wondered how she would cope with the results. If they were negative, Jac knew she would feel somewhat angry with herself, and at a bit of a loss. Every time that happened, she took it out on Joseph; it was definitely not fair on him. At least, if she was just sick, he would leave her alone.
On the other hand, what would she tell him if it were positive? They were not even married yet, of course, they were engaged, but still. She knew that Joseph doted on Elle though. Maybe he would be happy. But would she?
All her life she longed to have a loving family, someone to hold her when the day was bad. She never got it. Her only role models in life were those of foster careers, and family's that tried to take her in, but sent her back because she was, without a nicer way to put it, a pain in the arse. If she raised a child how she was raised, Jac was sure the baby would be a screw up.
The only other people she knew that were mothers were Sahira and Connie, both of them work-a-holics like herself. As happy as their children seemed to be, Jac knew she could never work around raising a child and working. She was too addicted to getting to the top.
Looking at previous experience, Jac knew she would go very far to get to the top, does that also mean she would push her child aside to get there still?
Glancing back at the watch on her arm, she sighed. It was time.
She pulled both of the tests into her lap.
First one: Posative, 11 weeks.
Second one: Posative, 11 weeks.
Well, that was it.
She gulped, knowing how terrible a mother she was going to be.
