"Gajeel, don't … I'm not upset anymore!" Levy whispered frantically as she tugged at Gajeel's arm. He looked at her. For a moment he reconsidered what he was going to do. He didn't want her to feel upset, but at the same time he couldn't back out from this one. He had to do this. He absolutely had to do this.
"This has been bugging me for weeks – I can't just drop it," he mumbled as he gently tried to shrug her off.
"Why now?"
"Because I don't want this shit to happen again."
"But I'm not mad anymore!"
"But you were hurt."
"But I'm over it!"
"I'm not."
"Gajeel!" she cried.
He cringed internally, as he knew his stubborn attitude was hurting her. This was the exact reason why he had to talk to master. When they entered the guild, she reluctantly let go of his arm and sat down at a nearby table. They weren't public about their relationship as they were still new to the title. Neither wanted anything to be too obvious, despite the catcalls and jokes. They had hoped that no one noticed their depressed aura.
However, one red-haired mage saw their interaction. Before Gajeel reached the bar to ask where Master Makarov was, Erza appeared before him.
"You will tell me what happened," she said with narrowed eyes. She had penchant for demanding, not asking. "Levy does not look happy; she was upset when she entered the guild with you."
"I don't need to say anything to you," Gajeel said back, with his arms crossed. This is partly your fault too, he wanted to add. Titiana didn't miss the his accusatory glare, and was about to take a threatening step forward before Levy interrupted.
"Erza, please," the small blunette called out from the table. "Gajeel has something important to do."
Gajeel knew that Levy didn't approve of him talking to Master, but at least she they agreed that it was unnecessary to involve others right now. For a moment his gruff demeanor softened, as he took a slight comfort in her attempt to protect him.
"You heard her," Gajeel said. "I need to talk to Master."
Erza considered Levy's words and relented. "Fine," she said as she walked away towards Gray and Natsu's table. The two mages froze upon seeing her irritated, wondering if she was going to punish them for fighting again. Instead, she sat down and gazed at Gajeel before turning back to the table. This caused the usual bickering duo to also look at iron dragon slayer and back at the scarlet mage in confusion.
Gajeel didn't care. He looked at Levy and his eyes spoke a sincere thanks, earning a slight smile for her. Her spirits momentarily lifted. He also saw that Juvia had just arrived, and was looking at him. Their teamwork allowed them to exchange conversations through mere eye contact. She gazed at him with raised brows, and his lips tightened in response.
What are you doing?
Something that I should have beaten the ice-bastard for months ago.
Juvia's eyes slightly widened – she too told Gajeel last week, along with Levy, not to talk about this. It wasn't worth it. However, Juvia didn't bother to change his mind; she knew Gajeel wouldn't listen to her. She looked down for a moment and sighed. Of course he was going to do this, she told herself. When she looked back up again, her eyes held a bored expression. For a moment, he saw a glimpse of the Rain Woman she once was - seemingly uncaring, and with an air of indifference. Her old shield was emerging once more.
If that is what you wish, her tired eyes replied.
Gajeel hated knowing that Gray could bring out that side of her.
He watched Juvia walk to Levy's table, and thanked her silently. Levy probably didn't want to be alone while Gajeel talked to Master Makarov. The girls looked silently at each other, and Juvia put a comforting hand on Levy's arm.
Trust him, Juvia eyes softened. He wouldn't do this if he didn't care greatly for you. The shine that usually accompanied Juvia was dulled today. Levy felt a pang of guilt, as she knew that the water mage recently endured more pain for a much longer period of time. What Gajeel did was so benign in comparison. How could Juvia be the one to comfort her?
Thank you, Levy smiled and put her other hand on top of Juvia's. He's doing this for you as well.
Juvia knows.
And both girls smiled.
When Gajeel reached the bar, Mirajane was drying wine glasses with a soft hum. He asked if Master Makarov was awake.
"He's actually upstairs talking to Laxus. Did you need something?" Mirajane asked.
"I want to talk to Master."
"Oh?" she said, and her eyes twinkled. "Are you asking for Levy's hand in marriage, perhaps?" Had it been any other day, Gajeel would have scoffed and said "Don't be crazy." Today was different; he looked at the demon bartender and chose his words carefully.
"Let me talk to Master Makarov, Mirajane." The woman continued to a dry dishes, but her pace was notably slower. Despite her big smile, he could feel her gaze on him, and dangerous edge was felt in her words.
"Sure, Gajeel-kun," she said coolly before nodding towards the stairs the led to Master's study. Anyone was allowed to go upstairs, but they still needed to talk to Mirajane before entering the study. Gajeel didn't want to her to assume the worse of him, and so he looked back at her before walking up the stairs.
"It's just something that's been bothering me – and others too, but no one's talking about it."
"I know what it's about, Gajeel-kun," she said with her back turned to him. Her pace in drying glasses resumed to its normal speed again. Gajeel wasn't surprised. He was sure in her attempt to find (and cause) relationship gossip, she somehow stumbled upon his heated discussion with Levy from a few weeks ago. "I have ears everywhere in Fiore, and I just hope you know why they .." she looked back at Erza's table, "… did what they did. Some time ago, I would have done the same thing."
"Yeah, I know."
"I'm not defending them. But at the very least, I want you to understand their intentions."
Gajeel looked at his Team B member in slight surprise. She didn't hate him. She was also more mature than some other guild members, and he felt relief in his realization that she acknowledged his doubts. Now he felt even more compelled to talk to Master. Rather than saying thank you out loud, he opted for something else: "You can let them listen in," he said. "It may do them some good."
"Already had it set up, Gajeel-kun," she laughed lightly. "I think it will, too." She resumed her hum.
When Gajeel finally entered Master Makarov's room, Mirajane had beckoned Natsu, Gray, and Erza to come over.
"He looked awfully serious," Mirajane noted.
"Yes, he had a grave expression on his face," Erza said.
"What the hell is going on?" Natsu said.
"Yeah, Erza's mad and Levy's in a weird mood," Gray said. He didn't mention that Juvia hadn't looked at him once since entering the guild.
"I don't know what the case is …" Mirajane said innocently. "But I've wired Master's room, and we can listen in on their conversation right here!" she said, and her crystal ball suddenly appeared on the bar table. She noted how no one told her it was wrong to eavesdrop; rather, her fellow members quickly looked into the glass.
"What are you guys looking at?" said a curious voice.
They all turned around for a moment and say that Lucy had arrived. She walked up to the table and cocked her head to the side in confusion.
"Watching that iron-bastard and the old man talk. Wanna listen in?" Natsu said, and he pulled Lucy next to him.
"Are you guys sure this is okay?" Lucy asked? She also looked intently at the crystal ball, but with more hesitation than curiousity. Mirajane felt some pity for Lucy's intuition; it probably wasn't a good idea to be so close to Natsu during this eavesdrop session.
"Sure, sure! No one hides secrets from each other here! That's like leaving ya behind!" Nastu said with a big grin.
"Exactly," Erza said.
"Yeah," Gray agreed.
Mirajane decided not to say anything, but she noted Lucy's downcast stare.
"You're right.." Lucy said slowly.
If there was one thing that the Phantom Lord guild appreciated, it was information. Part of the reason why Gajeel and the Elemental Four worked so well was because of their proficiency in exchanging valuable information. How else were they able to stage a successful attack on Fairy Tail? Even low level, general members followed orders precisely. In fact, Gajeel and Juvia would agree that anyone from Phantom Lord had an almost perfectionist attitude. No one had to like each other to do well on a mission – if the information was there and communication was solid, then the mission was likely going to be a success. Their previous master had taught them that. ("You don't have to be friends, but you must absolutely be informed," Master Jose would emphasize.) How else could you have an edge on anyone? You needed to intel about everything - including about your comrades - and you needed to be well aware of your skills to be of any use to anyone. It was cold calculated work. It made sense.
Fairy Tail made no sense. Fairy Tail was the embodiment of wearing your heart on your sleeve, and throwing logic out the window. It was a place where you were encouraged to love and embrace imperfections. It was a new perspective that took Gajeel a long while to accept and practice, and he had to admit that he was more powerful when he was in touch with his feelings. He could never thank Fairy Tail enough for that.
But just like any other guild, Fairy Tail members had their faults as well. Certain guild members had no limit when it came to fighting, and others had no idea what planning meant. Fairy Tail was known to be the most powerful, but also the most destructive. How Master Makarov was able to balance that financially, Gajeel never wanted or cared to know. These were faults that Gajeel happily accepted, as he had a strong proclivity for rushing into things head on and without any limit. Over time, however, he noted that some Fairy Tail members – particularly the long standing members – had a penchant for abandoning comrades for the sake of pursuing personal goals.
He began to notice it when he had decided to reconstruct Team B without telling Levy. He didn't know why she was upset until she talked to him in hushed tones during camp. It was their first fight, and he regretted snapping her. Looking back, he realized that Mirajane had probably heard the entire conversation.
"We've been working together for a year, and then you just suddenly up and go?" Levy said.
"I didn't think you'd mind," Gajeel said defensively.
"Then you decide to joke that I can't fit into your bag?"
"I wouldn't have said it if I knew you felt this way, Jesus.." he said, looking away. He heard Levy sniff, and knew she was on the verge of tears. He hated himself for making her feel this way. The Team B group had stopped for the night near a river, and people were partnered up be guards.
"That's not the point. I wouldn't mind you going. I'd encourage you! It's not like I expect this as if I'm your .. your girlfriend," she said. Both of them slightly flushed as they didn't talk about the status of their relationship. "I just don't like the idea of someone I care about, friend or m-more, just leaving without telling me anything. I would have even pinpointed Laxus for you."
Gajeel didn't know what to say, and his silence made Levy sniff loudly.
"I thought you told me information was valuable," she said, with a slightly raised voice. She couldn't yell and wake up others. "Why can't you consider your leaving as valuable information, when it can affect me in this way?" she said before turning to leave the campsite for the water. It was then that he realized that he was in the wrong, and he found himself expressing words in a voice that was unfamiliar to him.
"I'm sorry," he said, looking down with shame. She froze upon hearing his apology, but refused to walk back to him. "Part of it was for your safety, and another part of it was because I .. really didn't think about it," he admitted. "I was a dick, I'm sorry," he said again as he got up walked up to her. They didn't hold hands, nor did they hug. They rarely did, as most of their sentimental moments took place through the brushing of fingers or simple eye contact. He didn't face her, and it bothered Levy to know that he was acting this way because he felt ashamed. She knew she was only angry because she was hurt, but at the same time she didn't want him to hurt either. They both continued to look at the river.
"Don't hate yourself for it," she said softly.
"Too late," he said with a scoff. She knew that he never forgave himself for hurting Fairy Tail and her, but she didn't want this to add to his guilt. They stood next to each other in silence for another ten minutes.
"I think you just need to check your ego some," Levy said, finally facing him. "It's .. it's not fair for you to decide if something is safe for me, or not. It just makes it doubly unfair for me to be ignorant of it all."
Heaving a heavy sigh, Gajeel found himself expressing another set of words that were foreign to him.
"You're right," he said, and they walked back to posts.
Somehow, Levy always managed to make it natural for Gajeel to be vulnerable. He appreciated her patience, and truly was in awe that someone like her would acknowledge him. He swore that he wouldn't do something like that again. Not because she was becoming someone special, but because he had hurt a comrade.
A week after they found Laxus and the other half of Fairy Tail, Gajeel was in deep thought about what his not-yet-girlfriend said. He never used to be this way, he realized. Back in Phantom, he'd report most of his actions to Master Jose, and even told Juvia of his missions when they became actual friends. In fact, that was probably the only time he felt an iota of camaraderie towards his old guild. It bothered him to know that he did this so easily and managed to hurt Levy with realizing it.
During travel, he also conversed with Juvia. Gajeel demanded to know what happened. Her demeanor was more depressed than usual when Gray wasn't around, and he would catch her looking panicked when she was left to her thoughts. Her aura felt different; often times he would feel a slight emptiness in her despite smiling for everyone in the group. When he learned that Gray had done something very similar to what he did (and much worse, as Juvia told him the exact number of days, hours, and minutes he was gone), he felt shame and anger. Unlike him though, Gray seemed to be completely knowledgeable of his actions and still went through with leaving Juvia behind.
That fucking asshole.
At that point, Juvia tried to explain that Erza had a reason for all this. It angered Gajeel even more to know that two comrades were hurting Juvia knowingly. It didn't help that Erza also made secret team to save Master Makarov.
Natsu was just as bad, as he simply left Lucy as note. Apparently he never gave her any contact information, or an indication of when he would come back. Though he wasn't close to Lucy, Gajeel realized that he could have at least tried to keep in touch with members who weren't Levy. He felt selfish all over again.
He imagined Levy or Juvia pulling the same shit on him, and realized how furious and anxious he would be if left completely ignorant of their whereabouts. It reminded him of how his dragon had left years ago - which made him feel even worse.
What the fuck is up with this guild, he thought to himself. I probably picked up this habit from being around those guys for a while.
He then realized that Master Makarov left and disbanded Fairy Tail to take care of things by himself. It made sense now why Erza, Natsu, and Gray did this often. They must have learned from the master himself, and practically no one had any say in their actions being hurtful to their comrades. He absolutely had to say something to Master about this. He wanted Master to remind Fairy Tail members to keep each other in the loop. If Master couldn't do that, then Gajeel wanted then to at least put out the message that this shit is not ever okay. He didn't want to hurt Levy again, see Juvia depressed, and or even picture Lucy giving another fake smile.
He felt apprehension for what he was about to do, as he still felt that he needed to prove himself to guild. This could be seen as defiance, and he could lose whatever work he did to gain Fairy Tail's trust.
No, no. Fuck that, Gajeel berated himself. He was a double agent for Master Makarov, and he took part in many battles. He had done his share many times. Levy even told him that he was integral to Fairy Tail's power, as he was also chosen for B Team in last year's tournament. He suddenly became more aware of the tattoo on his arm, and he willed himself not believe that the Master would remove it.
He had to do this. He absolutely had to this.
What seemed to be a long arduous walk from the bar to the second floor was finally over. He knocked on Master Makarov's door, and waited for an answer. He was sure the old man already knew he was there. A cheerful voice that masked a tired soul was heard.
"Come in, Gajeel."
