Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognise.
For those of you who are also fans of my story Living in the Moment: Fear not, I will update that in due time. This idea has been swimming around in my brain for a while and so I finally decided to write it down.
Enjoy.
Prologue
I look up at my mate, a smile curling on my muzzle. For a long time I thought I couldn't have him, but I know I made the right choice when I chose him over the destiny I could have had otherwise. Our moon-old kits are suckling at my belly, their fluffy fur and bright eyes making me smile further. Right now, I could not be more content.
But then a dark shadow flickers in a corner of the nursery, and the smile fades from my face. For a moment, I imagine the face of the cat who nearly destroyed me, and I shiver involuntarily. I push those dark memories to the back of my mind, but they don't disappear. They are still there, lingering in the deepest corners of my mind, ready to creep forward and strike like a snake during my moments of weakness or happiness when I have my guard down. They try to grip my mind and poison it with thoughts so dark even the Place of No stars would want nothing to do with me.
I feel my mate lick my cheek, and I gaze into his warm, loving eyes, wishing I could just stay like this forever and forget everything that happened. But I know that I will never lose the memories of what happened. Even as I purr, I feel my neck fur pricking and the poisonous memories try to overwhelm me.
"I love you," I tell my mate as he lies down nest to me. "And I love out kits. I'm glad I choose you." I push the memories – more like nightmares – away once more, determined to just enjoy the moment, with my mates fur pressed against mine.
"I'm glad you choose me too," he replies. "Our kits are perfect, just like you."
I look down at the two fluffy bundles of fur. "Hollykit takes after you," I mewed. The golden tabby she-kit has the same build as my mate, but the eyes of his dead sister who was also my best friend. "She will be an amazing warrior some day."
"As will Fernkit – she looks just like you," my mate returns.
I purr again. "Do I look like a moon old kit to you?"
His eyes widen and I laugh as he tries to correct himself. "No! I didn't mean... what I meant to say was..."
I flick his nose with my tail. "I'm just joking," I tell him. He growls playfully and swipes my tail away, and for a moment I forget my dark past, losing myself in the moment.
"Oh!" I gasp suddenly, as pain shoots through my body from head to tail. It lasts only for a moment and leaves me gasping. My mate looks at me in concern.
"Are you all right?"
I nod and mumble something about going to the medicine den. However instead of stumbling across camp I head out into the forest with a bad feeling in my stomach. I follow a trail towards the edge of the ShadowClan border instinctively, as though something else is controlling my movements. I scent the air as I approach the place where ThunderClan's border meets ShadowClan's at the edge of both our territories, but I smell nothing out of the ordinary.
For a few moments I stand under the shade of a tree near the border, but when nothing happens I turn to go back to camp.
"Cinder," a cold voice makes me freeze and my fur tremble.
I turn around slowly to meet the icy blue eyes of a cat I thought I had left behind forever. He is standing out in the open, just beyond the border. His thick black fur is smooth, his one white paw just visible next to a patch of ferns, and his eyes bear a guarded expression.
"What are you doing here? What do you want?" I growl, my hackles rising.
"So, you remember me then?" he shows his teeth in a twisted sort of smile. I narrow my eyes.
"Those memories have stalked me ever since I gained the memories of my old life back," I tell him, watching him warily.
His eyes glint in the weak sunlight. "I know. I came to apologise, Cinder. What I did..."
I blink in confusion. "Apologise?" I echo. Then, "My name isn't Cinder."
"It is to me," he meows simply. "I miss you Cinder. What we had back then was real, true love. You could never replicate those feelings, not even with that overgrown tabby you seem to love so much now," he lets a sneer enter his voice as he talks about my mate and I hiss slightly.
"Don't talk about him like that. He's a much better cat that you ever were, and he loves me more than you ever did," I growl.
"You're right, I didn't appreciate what I had. But ever since my father was murdered – ah, killed – I knew I was been wrong. I realised my true love for you. I tried to find you, but then the Clans left the lake. It took me seasons to find this place, Cinder. Please forgive me," he stares at me beseechingly and for a second I feel myself falling into his trap, but I harden my gaze and look away.
"I can't. I'm a loyal warrior of ThunderClan now with kits of my own to protect. Goodbye Raze, I hope I never see you again." I turn around and run back to camp, but not before I hear him call after me.
"Goodbye Cinder, I know I'll see you soon!"
I return to the nursery, shaken, but I pretend to be fine as I curl once more around my kits and lie my head on my paws. I close my eyes, willing sleep to come quickly, but all I can hear is the voice of Raze echoing in my ears, whispering promises that he broke one by one all those seasons ago when the Clans still lived in the forest.
That's right. I am Cinderheart, formerly Cinderpelt, and this is my story – the story of how I am not the Little Miss Perfect everyone thinks me to be.
Author's Note: So what did you think? I got this idea when I saw someone write that they never liked Cinderpelt/heart because she was 'perfect', the pet of the Erins. I wanted to make the point that even people who seem perfect and can't do anything wrong have secrets, things they aren't proud of, and have made mistakes. Just because they don't broadcast them, it doesn't mean they haven't happened. I know this is just a fanfic, but since the first series followed Fireheart's POV and he didn't know everything that was going on, this could fit in with the storyline and something like this could have happened, but I guess we'll never know.
Anyway, reviews are always welcome, along with concrit *hint hint*.
So who do you think Raze is? Who knows what raze means?
