Genre: crack

Warnings: curses, crack, written after drinking too much rum

Also, English is not my native language so please excuse every mistake and let me know of them, I will correct them. I'm pretty sure I made grammar and spelling errors.

Hetalia does not belong to me.

White Eagle, Black Eagle

1. 5 meters

'Heeello Gilbert!'

'He… What the hell are you doing here?'

'I just felt like visiting you. I haven't seen you for so long and I, like, have to see some loser from time to time.'

'Fuck off. The fact that I don't have my own country doesn't mean that I can't kick your ass, ya know?'

'Yeah, right. Keep telling that yourself, maybe that will, like, make you feel better.'

'Shut up! If I wanted I could conquer few countries, including yours!'

'You learnt nothing, huh? You can't, like, conquer me. I'm immortal like a phoenix raising from ashes and so on.'

'More like immortal, annoying cockroach.'

'Say whatever you want, it's still me who has a country, not you. Your pathetic exclamations won't affect me'

'Asshole.'

'…'

'…'

'Gilbert…'

'What do you want?'

'I don't know if I should ask you this…'

'Now you're being shy? I know, I'm great, high and mighty but pull yourself together. It was you who boasted about having your own country a minute ago.'

'Oh, shut up! It doesn't matter anyway.'

'You started it, now ask!'

'No, it totally doesn't matter now.'

'I see, you're getting scared now. What a loser.'

'I'm not! Fine. I wanted to ask if you will show me your five meters.'

'…What?'

'You heard me.'

'You want me to… Are you nuts?!'

'Why are you getting so totally worked up over it?'

'Dude, you're crazy!'

'That is why I didn't want to ask you. See who is, like, a loser now?'

'I'm not a loser! You're fucked up!'

'Yeah, right. I can totally see that you're scared. Forget it, I'm going home.'

'Hold it! Prussia is never scared, you idiot! If you want it so badly I will just show you!'

'Ok, ok, you don't have to d… Oi, like, hello? What the hell are you doing?'

'You will see! Me – a loser, he says, hmph.'

'Gilbert…'

'I'm not scared of anyone, especially not you! You think you can win with me that easily?'

'You misunderstood me…'

'Stupid Poland. I won't let you offend me anymore!'

'Really, you, like, got me totally wrong, I meant… Oh. Oh fuck.'

'Ha! What will you say now, loser?'

'You know… He isn't, like, five meters long.'

'He isn't? He isn't?! You have him in front of your eyes and you don't see it?! You idiot!'

'I don't know, though. Liet seems to have bigger, you know…'

'Who?! Don't "Liet" me! I'm better than him in every aspect!'

'Except Tannenberg.'

'Tan… I will show you Tannenberg! Come here! I'll give you such Tannenberg that you will remember it to the end of your life!'

'No, wait! Aaah! Like totally, stop it, right now! Hel… Mmph!'

'Heh, you'll see now what five meters really mean. Oh… Oh shit…'

'Ah! Oh, Gilbert… Nngh…'

'Ugh, Feliks…'

Some time later

'Ah. Wow.'

'Yeah, totally.'

'That was good.'

'Yeah, totally. But… That still wasn't five meters.'

'Don't start again. You want one more time?'

'No, thank you very much. Once is enough. But, what I had in my mind was, like, that five meters of land.'

'What land?'

'Well, Ludwig said that you had bought five meters of land on eBay to start your own country. As you obviously don't have one.'

'… I'll kill that bastard.'

'…'

'So, ready for another round?'

'No.'

'…'

'However…'

AN: Writing crack with Poland gives me too much fun. Srsly. And it's just the first fic I have with them :D