Conjuration Ritual Quest by WaddlesThePenguin
Author's Note: Hi! If you didn't read the description, then this is a Skyrim comedy. The other three authors working on this and I just take a quest and make it hilarious. Just some info about the main character; an Imperial woman named Gwen. She's bonkers and crazy powerful in all skills. She is (obviously) the Dragonborn. This quest (for those of you who do not know/are stupid) is a quest Phinis Gestor from the Mages' College once you get 90 conjuration. Phinis tells you to retrieve a Sigil Stone from an Unbound Dremora which you have to summon and defeat twice before it gives you one. Then you get a master conjuration spell tome from Phinis and you can buy three others. You also get use from the atronach forge in the Midden.
Ok, I'll get on with it now!
PS: The other three authors are We Did It For The Glory, CompanionWolf12 and Adz 99. Check them out!
"Phinis! Phinis! I have some very very very very very very very very very very good news!" Gwen yelled, running up to the conjurer.
"What child?" He said impatiently.
"My conjuration skills peaked!" She said like an overexcited child. The man's eyes widened.
"What?"
"MY CONJURATION SKILLS PEAKED! I THINK YOU'RE GOING DEAF!" She yelled. Phinis rubbed his ears.
"No, I was just surprised. How? You were only casting adept level spells yesterday!"
"Well, I was building a sweetroll fortress with Lydia and I didn't realise that a goat had sneaked in, so when I went inside for a snack, I cast soul trap soul trap soul trap soul trap-"
"Alright, alright. Now I have a- wait, sweetroll fortress?" He asked, giving Lydia a sympathetic glance which she returned with a sad smile.
"Yeah! It's big enough for me and my dog, Brambles to stand up in." She gestured to a snarling black dog with huge fangs and claws.
"Okay. I have a job for you. Cast this spell on the roof of the Hall of Attainment. It will summon an Unbound Dremora, which you may have to defeat a few times before it listens to you. But when it does, ask it to retrieve a Sigil Stone. Once you get it, bring it to me."
"But-"
"No buts! Go do it now!" He snapped. Gwen skipped off, Lydia and Brambles reluctantly following.
Gwen threw a purple orb on the ground and a Dremora clad in black armour faced her, holding a glass greatsword which extracted an "Ooooooh, shiiiiiny!" from Gwen. The Dremora began to speak.
"You dare summon me!" He shouted.
"SHUSH AND SUBMIT!" She shouted back and punched his face, searing away some of the flesh on it.
"OW! Did you dip your hand in poison?" He asked feebly.
"Yes! I love the way it tickles my fingers!" She removed her gauntlet to reveal a blistered hand oozing with pus. "Can I have a Sigil Stone? And maybe a carrot-flavoured tomato?"
"Anything! Just don't punch me again." And with that, he disappeared and reappeared holding a dark, pulsing red orb and an orange tomato. "Here you are, Venom-Fist."
"Oh, please, call me insane. Everybody does!" The Dremora gave her the items and vanished. "I didn't even get the chance to offer him a visit to Blackreach. Rude!" Gwen said sulkily. She looked up to see Lydia standing on the balcony.
"Lydia, don't play on there! You'll fall off and die in a bloody explosion and we'll have to wash you off the floor! So inconsiderate to the cleaners."
"That was my plan." Lydia grumbled.
"PHINIS PHINIS PHINIS PHINIS PHINIS!" Gwen yelled.
"What now, you insufferable child?"
"I got a Sigil Stone!" She brought out the stone. "Isn't it preeeeeeeetty?"
"Yes! Yes! Now let me see it." She handed him the orb. He peered into it, wrote something in a book and handed a spell tome to her and the Stone.
"That tome is for the Flame Thrall spell, it summons an Atronach that follows you permanently until it dies."
Gwen gasped. "Stalker!" Phinis carried on.
"If you place the Stone on the pedestal in the Atronach Forge in the Midden, you will be able to use the forge! I will also sell spells that summon frost, storm and dead thralls."
"Why wouldn't you want to use this one?" She asked, producing a Sigil Stone painted pink and bearing a drawing.
"How did you get that?" Phinis asked, wide eyed.
"Raiding planes of Oblivion is a hobby of mine!"
"What's that drawing?"
"Brambles, Lydia and me standing on the bodies of the people we killed that week!" She started pointing to the crudely drawn bodies. "That's Alex, he was sooooo grumpy; that's Bianca, lovely but paranoid, thought I was trying to kill her! And that's Bobby, his eyeballs were delicious, good for the skin you know?" Phinis shook his head in defeat while Gwen, Lydia and Brambles went to the Midden.
Gwen placed a daedra heart, a centurion dynamo core, a black soul gem and her ebony bow in the offering box and pulled the pullbar. A Daedric bow appeared on the dais. She had crafted a Daedric dagger, a Daedric sword, a Daedric battleaxe, two Daedric bows and two full sets of Daedric armour. Gwen and Lydia donned their armour and went up to the Hall of Countenance to enchant their weapons.
"Lydia, are you going to name your weapons?" Gwen asked. She had enchanted the bow with soul trap and the battleaxe with fire.
"Well, based upon the enchantments, I guess I'll call the axe Frostbane and the bow Soulsnare. What about you?" Gwen had laid a frost enchantment on her dagger, a shock on her bow and a fire on her sword.
"I'll call the dagger Cheesebane, because I use daggers to slice cheese. I'll call the sword Lyd - after you Lydia - because it's fast, vicious, and huggable, just like you! And I'll call the bow Kneesmasher, due to how all the guards in Whiterun took an arrow to the knee, thus ending their adventuring career. They seriously need to wear better knee armour!" At first, Lydia gawked, then she started whacking her head on the wall.
"Lydia, what are you doing?"
"Hitting my head until the memories are gone or until I'm unconscious, or dead!"
"You're probably just hungry." Her eyes lit up. "To the Sweetroll Fortress!"
A.N: Hope you thought it was hilarious! Bye!
