Edward is Pregnant?
(I own the laptop I am righting this on, my clothes, and some nick-knacks. Please note that I did not say any thing about Twilight or New Moon)
Edward has so many mood swings; I swear hi is like pregnant or something, hmm maybe he is PMSing.
"Jasper, I can read minds remember? AND I AM NOT A GIRL I AM NOT EVEN ALIVE!"
"I never said you were," I only thought it. You're the one who has the mood swings, which, in turn, make me have them and, "I don't enjoy going from happy to depressed in less then a second!"
"Wow, Edward are you sure your not pregnant? My momma was better then that, and she was going to have twins!"
"Shut up Emmett, Your mom never had twins."
"How do you know, you never met my momma."
"Research your family tree again, Emmett. He's right," Alice is home.
"Fine maybe you are right, but still, she was better the Edward with her moods!"
"Every one is better with their moods than Edward."
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"Hey, Alice?"
"Yeah, Jasper?"
"You want to go get Edward a pregnancy test?"
"Only if one come with me."
"Okay," and we are off the nearest Wal-Mart.
"Hey, would this work?"
"Yeah, Jasper. Oh That's Pretty," We come for a pregnancy test and leave with half the store. That's Alice for you. Speaking of which too many people are lusting after us, and is NOT right when you are lusting after yourself!
"Alice, can we leave soon?"
"Yeah, sure. Hold on."
"Alice, please hurry," I am now kneeling in front of her looking her in the eye. I think she realized what I mean but this now.
"Okay lets go check out."
"Okay."
"So where are we going to put it?"
"I was thinking we open it and put it in the bathroom."
"That sounds good too me," and so we left for home, after paying for all of Alice's new… things. I think I see a plunger in there, and a "How to Play The Piano in a Week" book. "Alice what is that book for?" I say while pointing at said book, "nobody is planning on learning to play any time soon."
"I know but I am going to slip it in Edward's room when we put the test in his bathroom. He is planning on having Bella over tomorrow and it is going to be so funny when she asks why he has it. All we have to do is keep our minds Edward free till they find both of them," she is bouncing in her set, good thing she let me drive, I think I should calm her down a bit, I don't want her giddiness to give us away.
"Alice you are evil sometimes, you know?"
"You love me anyway, right?" she go a little scared of what I was going to say.
"Of course! Don't you ever think differently," I send her waves of love and happiness as I say this, and I feel them come back to me.
"We're home," Alice yells into an all but empty house. Esme is the only one home; the rest went hunting, except Edward, he is at Bella's house. Emmett and I can't play practical jokes on him when he isn't here! It gets boring when you can't team up with someone against the remaining. We cannot do anything to Rosalie or Alice; we don't want a divorce. So that leaves only to people to prank that is not he or I, But Carlisle and Esme don't like that very much and we get into trouble. But I do remember one time we trashed a random school. Toilet paper, trash and shaving cream was EVERY WHERE, but we had to go out of state for that, so we didn't get caught. Just the other day, Emmett and Bella redecorated Edward's room, they didn't think about asking me.
"Well, dears, where did you go?" Esme really is like a mother to us.
"We went to a place called Wal-Mart. It is so cool. There is everything you could ever imagine there. There is food you cook, and food already cooked, and there are clothes and make up and furniture and office equipment and Books and CDs and EVERYTHING!!!" ok, Alice REALLY needs to calm down, not only is she bouncing, I am really close to bouncing my self.
"Alice, honey, why do you go up to our room and I will bring the rest of the junk-stuff up, okay?"
"Okay," she chips and skips up the stairs; she must have really liked Wal-Mart.
"And Alice, try not to jump a hole into the floor, please," she glares at me but quickly realizes that I was only joking.
I did not realize we got so much useless junk, are those reading glasses, I can see why Bella never wants to go shopping with Alice. She goes crazy sometimes, wait no every time. I did know that already but usually Alice just brings home clothes for me, rarely do I actually go with her, to many girly emotions in the air, and sometimes, like today, I end up lusting after myself. Okay now that my mini-in-my-head-rant is over, I am standing in front of my bedroom door, a little afraid of what is behind it. Maybe it was not my best idea to get Alice in on this, but I didn't want to go shopping alone! Now I have REALLY got to calm her down.
"Alice, sweaty, why don't you go sit on the bed and take some nice, deep, calming breaths?"
"But I don't want to. I want to go through the stuff I got!!!"
"Alice if you don't calm down, I will be jumping off the walls soon!"
"Okay, okay don't get your panties in a bunch," finally she's calm. No more jumping with happiness!
"When will Edward and Bella get here?"
"They are leaving right… now. We have to hurry to get it set up in time AND hide our thoughts in a discrete way," with that we race up to Edward's room to deposit the test and the book, which we decided to put on the sofa.
"What do you think he will do to us?"
"Jasper, he is going to think it was Emmett."
"So, are we off the hook?"
"Only if I am the only thing in your mind right now," with that we start making out. I mean really who could think when they are making out?
I hear Edward's Volvo pull up; them get out and greet Esme, who is in the living room where we last saw her. They greet her and are heading up to Edward's room.
"Edward," Bella says, "I need a human minute, I'll be right out." YES! She is going into the bathroom where we planted the test, she probably wont see it till she's washing her hands. Toilet flushes and, "Edward, what's this for?"
"Bella, honestly, I don't know where that came from," time to hit her with a does of suspicion.
"Really, Edward, it was in YOUR bathroom, what is Emmett going to plant a pregnancy test in there so I find it, he is not even here!"
"No, he's not, but Jasper and Alice are."
"Hmph, whatever you say Edward, whatever you say."
"Come on, let's just listen to music on the sofa."
"What's that Edward?"
"What's what?"
"That book 'How to Play The Piano in a Week' why is it on your bed?"
"I have never seen that before. Wait no I saw it in Wal-Mart once."
"You know what I think is going on?"
"What would that be, love?"
"Alice went to Wal-Mart, because you also have a new plunger that has jewels on it."
"I will be right back, okay Bella?"
"Yeah Okay."
"RUN," Alice yelled. And we did, down stairs and into the back yard, where Edward caught me.
"Run, Alice! Save yourself! I know I am Being Over Dramatic, just run," now Edward and I are wrestling, and ripping our clothes in the process. I guess Alice I going to have to go shopping again after this, "Okay Edward, you win."
He runs back to his room, the thing is he didn't notice that he ripped the seam of his pants.
(((So what type of underwear does Edward Have on? Does he have any on at all? Tune In next time to find out! d )))
