"Sam, I'm home!" Frodo called, removing his wide-brimmed straw hat and hanging his fabulous, velvet purple cloak on a peg in the front hall. "Where are you?"
"In the bedroom!" Sam replied. Frodo dropped his shopping bags filled with fresh produce he had just picked up at the market on the kitchen table. He took off his shirt and threw it to the floor and marched into the bedroom with his head held high.
"Ow!" Frodo yelped as he stubbed his toe on the bed frame. Sam was already in bed, awaiting Frodo's timid body. Then Sam noticed something peculiar. There was a white liquid on Frodo's left nipple.
"Is that milk coming out of your tit!?" Sam inquired.
"I-I-I don't know." Frodo stammered, uneasy at the fact that he might be lactating already. "Oh, never mind. It's just coconut milk. It must have dripped on me at the market." It was true. It was a milkless tit.
"Oh well," Sam exclaimed as he busily licked Frodo's nipple clean of the sweet, sweet coconut milk, "It tastes delicious!"
Sam then moved stealthily to the other nipple, the infamous "nipple of Rivendell." This was the same nipple that Frodo had exposed to Sam after he awoke in Rivendell.
"Sam, there's something I've been meaning to tell you." Frodo hesitated, and then continued, "I'm pregnant with your child."
"That's terrific news!" Sam announced, "Let's name him Sam Jr.!" Sam, excited at this fact, jumped on Frodo and mounted him like a mare. He slowly pumped in and out and then he noticed some more suspicious looking liquid, this time on Frodo's hip. "What's that on your hip? More coconut milk?" Sam asked.
Frodo ran his hand with the missing finger over the hip with milk on it and then the other, the milkless hip. "I think it's more coconut milk. That crazy market! People throw coconuts at me all the time!"
They continued to make love. Frodo moaned as he reached his climax. Frodo, flailing his arms wildly, failed to realize that a jar of spare change was placed dangerously near the edge of the bedside table. As he came, one of his arms knocked over the jar of coins, and spare change flew across the room, making a wonderful jingle-jangle sound.
After they were finished, Frodo knelt down and started to pick up all of the coins on the floor. He was on his knees, a familiar position for him, and then one started to hurt him. This was the less famous, but still important, knee of Rivendell. The knee of Rivendell was also exposed at Rivendell, but to the dark medicine of the evil Elven healer, Arondagell. Arondagell had poisoned his knee in an effort to hinder his efforts to reach Mordor and destroy the One Ring. Arandagell was a spy of Sauron's, unbeknownst to the other Elves, even though they thought they were so smart.
After this fact was discovered, Arondagell fled on a raft made of toothpicks he had collected from chain restaurants during his travels through Middle-earth. The other Elves, angered at his treasonous acts launched a thousand of their ships into the Sundering Sea in hot pursuit of this evil healer.
"Do you need any help picking up those coins?" Sam asked Frodo.
"No," Frodo replied, "I'm almost done. I'll be right back in bed. My knee is bothering me again."
"The knee that launched a thousand ships?"
"Yeah, that knee. It's feeling better now."
"Good, I'm ready for another romp!" Sam exclaimed excitedly.
"Me too!" Frodo hollered as he jumped back on the bed.
