FROZEN HEART
BY DIGIMON CAISLEĆN
Disclaimer: I don't have anything to do with Digimon. I write for fun!
Please read and review. Thanks :)
The air was crisp as I breathed it deep into my lungs. It's a cold night. So
cold that I shouldn't be out in it. I could catch my death...
I stuffed my hands in my pockets to try to stop them from going totally numb. My
efforts are useless though. I quicken my pace. I figure if I move fast I'll get
warmer. Eventually. There's no point in even trying though. Not tonight...
My footsteps is the only sound I can hear. Echoing threw the streets with every step I take. It annoys me somewhat. People will be aware that I am there. Alone. It's too quiet. I feel like I'm been followed. Anyone could be watching me from a bush or a window. I know I'm just been paranoid. It's happening a lot to me lately. There's nothing I can do about it.
I'm beginning to realize why I feel so cold. So God damn ice cold inside. My heart. It's completely frozen. It's more numb and cold then the rest of my body. It use to be warm and healthy. Not anymore though. It's broken in half and frozen. I refuse to let it have any more feelings. What's the point? Next time it might shatter into a million pieces. No I won't let that happen. There won't be a next time. I forbid my heart to beat faster, to make me feel all mushy inside at the sight of someone else. I forbid it. It won't have time to happen anyway. I'll make sure of that...
The bridge comes into my full view. I walk to the center of the bridge and stop. I look up at the sky. So empty. So black. Like me in a way. Except for those bright spots. The moon and the stars. They're so pretty. So full of life. Sparkling and shimmering up in the night sky. So not like me. I guess I use to have a bright spot. But it fizzled out when my heart froze. I almost get lost in that moment. Gazing up at the sky. Wishing that I could be a star. With no problems and no pain. Maybe I will, one day...
I sigh heavily and gaze down leaning over the edge of the bridge. The water deep and glassy had a calming effect on me. It's the only thing moving. The rest of the world cease to move. Except for this water. Moving ever so slowly without a sound. It just seems so inviting...
I get up on the ledge, face the water and sit down. With my legs dangling down above the water. Before I do it I want to think of my angel. The one who made my life worth living. I let my mind go back to last night when I last saw him.
***FLASHBACK***
"Hey Tai" Matt said from behind me, on the bridge.
I jumped from the sudden sound and turned around. I didn't hear him approach. I
was too engrossed in my thoughts. My heart skipped a beat. He looked so angelic
in the silver moonlight. He brushed his blonde fringe out of his face. Something
I wish I could of done.
"Hey Matt" I said trying to keep my tone normal.
"So, why did you want to meet me hear?" He asked.
I turned back around and resumed to staring out at the view. He joined me. He
was so close to me. Close enough to touch...
I stole glances at him every few seconds. No one was around. It was like the
world was deserted and me and Matt were the only ones there. The only ones that
mattered.
"Well?" He finally pressed.
I turned my head to gaze at him and he did the same. I wanted to get lost in
that moment forever. But I knew I couldn't do that.
"Matt, I wanted to meet you hear because there's something I need to tell
you. Something big." I said seriously with my heart practically in my
mouth.
"What is it?" He asked concerned. His expression was an expression of
worried. Worried about me.
"Well" I began.
I paused for a moment and then and then continued.
"Matt you're my best friend. You know that I would never intentionally try
to ruin our friendship." I stopped to think for a second.
"I know that Tai. You're my best friend too" he informed me with a
smile trying to relax me.
I take a deep breath and continue.
"That's why what I say next comes straight from the heart. Matt, I love
you."
His eyes widened with shock. I looked back at him for some type of response
or reassurance. Nothing. He was just standing there staring at me in disbelief.
I started to panic
"Matt?" I said trying to prompt him for some type of response.
"I'm sorry Tai" he said while shaking his head. "I didn't expect
you to say that. I had no idea you felt that way about me. I'm sorry Tai but I
don't feel the same way" he said weekly.
Those very words came at me like a big blow. I was heartbroken. I looked back at
Matt helplessly not knowing what to say next. I was scared to speak. I knew that
if I started talking tears would start rolling down my face.
"Tai, this hasn't changed anything. We are still friends" he said.
I turned my head and looked out to the water again. Trying to shade my tears and
hurt from him.
"I'm sorry Tai" he said almost in a whisper.
I couldn't help but feel bitter towards him. I couldn't look at him. Man, how
selfish am I? He could of turned his back on me or said that we could never be
friends again. But he didn't. The only person who I love, who I would do
anything for rejected me. I felt horrible.
"I just need to be alone" I somehow managed to choke out.
"Ok I understand. Goodnight Tai." He turned around and walked away
leaving me on the lonely bridge.
That was when I broke down in tears. I was devastated. I don't even know how I
managed to get home in one piece. Well I guess I was in one piece but my heart
wasn't.
***END FLASHBACK***
Well I may as well get this over with. There's no point in dragging this out. Is there? I look down at the inviting water again and smile to myself as I picture Matt in my head. With that last and final thought in my head I leap of the ledge and fall into the ice cold water of freedom.
THE END: To check out my other fics and lots of cool Digimon stuff go to my site: www.geocities.com/digimoncaislean . This is my twelfth fic. I finished it on 18/8/01. Please review it and let me know what you think of it. Thanks :)
I dedicate this fic to my dog Brandy who died of old age. I love and miss you so much. You will always have a special place in my heart and I thank you for your friendship. It's not always easy been an only child! You gave me great company and I will always treasure our memories.
