The Stupid Kid

Once there was a stupid kid. His name was Timothy, but his mother called him Maurice, and his father called him Son. Timothy knew what Maurice meant, and he knew what Timothy meant, but he had no idea what Son mean. But he really didn't care, because he was stupid, and he was a kid. Thus, he was a stupid kid.

One day, Timothy decided to go for a bike ride. He put on his helmet and safety gear and went out to mount his bike. When he got outside, he realized that he didn't have a bike. But he so wanted to go for a bike ride! He decided to pretend to ride his bike. He put his hands out to grip the pretend handlebars and braced his feet against the pretend pedals and rode off into the sunset.

A long time later, when he'd recovered from his burns, Maurice decided to go for another bike ride. As he prepared to ride off into the sunset again, he remembered how much it had hurt last time and decided against it. He dismounted and walked around the block a few times. Then he went home and went to bed.

The next morning, Son decided to walk down to the old warehouse up the street. He put on his shoes and protective gear and walked the short couple of steps to the building. He went inside and looked around. It looked pretty much the same as it had last time he'd been here, so he turned to leave. On his way out, he noticed a pile of cardboard boxes by the door. As he drew nearer, they suddenly jumped up and started screaming,

"ELVIS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!" over and over again. But Timothy ignored them because he was stupid, and he was a kid. Thus, he was a stupid kid.

When Maurice got past the screaming boxes to the outside, it was raining. He walked slowly the long four-mile walk back to his house. When he was at his doorstep, a man dressed all in black peeked out of the bushes by his house and called Son over. Timothy obliged, not bothering to see who the stranger was because he was stupid, and he was a kid. Thus, he was a stupid kid.

The man in white told Maurice that he was the son of a secret agent, and that his father had been killed in an incident involving baby powder and rhinos. Now that his father was dead, Son had to take his place. Timothy thought about the possibilities for a while.

When he'd decided that he didn't want to become a secret agent, he noticed that the man in purple had died of old age. Maurice shrugged and went inside to go to bed, because he was stupid, and he was a kid. Thus, he was a stupid kid.