Disclaimer: Doc Martin is the property of Buffalo Pictures. I own nothing except my overactive imagination
The Gravel Road
Chapter 1
Martin looked in the mirror as he adjusted his tie - it was the brown patterned one that he knew to be one of Louisa's favourites. He was wearing his grey pin striped suit, also a favourite of Louisa's, which he'd had specially dry cleaned. A crisp white shirt and silver cufflinks completed his outfit, along with his highly polished black leather shoes. He'd taken extra care with his shower and shave today - being immaculately groomed always made him feel more confident, and he needed all the help he could get today in that department. But he hadn't had his hair cut – he remembered that Louisa had commented that she'd like to see it a little longer instead of so brutally short, so he'd postponed his trip to the barbers this time.
He checked the time – there was still plenty of time before he needed to leave to meet the train, but he'd rather be early than run the risk of being late.
Her phone call a few days back had taken him completely by surprise. It had been nearly two months since they'd called off their wedding. Louisa had left straight away, gone to London – run away, some people had said. So he'd had weeks of going through the motions, putting on a front to carry on as normal, to hide how he felt underneath – something he was very good at, because he was, of course, highly practised at keeping his feelings secret. But the truth was that he felt dead inside. Because not having Louisa in his life in any shape or form, not seeing her, having no contact with her, not even hearing a tiny piece of gossip about her, meant that there was no light in his life anymore.
To try to work out just where everything had gone so badly wrong between them, he'd read and re read countless times the letter that she'd handed to him and now he knew every word of it off by heart. The stupid thing was that all the assumptions she'd made in her letter about him and what he expected from their marriage were incorrect. If only they'd sat down and talked things through, they could have worked things out, of that he was convinced now.
But of course he'd always been so unsure of why a beautiful, intelligent woman like Louisa had ever agreed to marry him in the first place, so although he'd kept his nerve through almost all of the obstacles that had been put in his way on the day of their wedding, Reverend Porter had finally shattered his fragile confidence with his stupid trick question.
"What's the most important question you should ask yourself before getting married?" he'd asked, having pretty much blackmailed Martin to get him to examine his wretched pig.
"I have my finger in your pig's anus!" Martin had responded irritably.
"You want me to help you, be an idea to humour me," Reverend Porter had goaded him, clearly enjoying the sense of power he had over Martin, knowing as he did that he was desperate for him to perform the wedding ceremony.
"Does she make me happy?" Martin had answered through gritted teeth, not giving his answer a huge amount of thought, occupied as he was.
"Oh close. Very close. I would almost give you that," the vicar had replied, almost disappointed it had seemed to Martin. "Actually, got it the wrong way up. It's 'Do I make her happy?' End of the day, that's what it's all about."
On analysing it later, Martin realised that the sick and warped mind of the man meant that whichever way he'd answered the question, he would have twisted it round to show that he shouldn't be getting married, hating both weddings and people the way that he did. But at the time, he'd regarded the vicar as the professional in his field, that he knew what he was talking about, and that he'd just proved that he wasn't fit to marry Louisa. Martin's solution to this was not showing up for their wedding, that being the best thing for Louisa. That's what he'd decided as he'd sat on his sofa, looking at the wedding ring that he'd been going to place on her finger. Stupid, stupid, stupid. But it was now far too late to try to sort anything out – Louisa was making a new life, a new career for herself in London. He'd blown it good and proper.
And then out of the blue one evening earlier in the week, his mobile had rung and her name had come up as the caller. He'd grabbed his phone to answer it before she had a chance to change her mind and ring off.
"Louisa!" he'd practically shouted into the phone.
"Oh err…yes…umm…Martin. How are you?" She'd sounded rather flustered, which he supposed was hardly surprising all things considered. But just hearing her voice was like giving a fix to a drug user, and in this instance he was the junkie. He closed his eyes so that he could drink her voice in.
"Yes, fine, good, and err…you?" he'd managed to reply.
"Yes, alright, you know…"
There was an awkward silence for a few seconds, as Martin had struggled to think of what to say next.
"And err... London, going well, your new job and so forth?"
"Well, it's certainly very different to Portwenn, that's for sure. Err… look Martin, there are some things we need to sort out, so I was wondering… do you think that we could … maybe we might... meet up? Of course I'll understand if you'd rather not." Louisa had sounded very hesitant, and Martin had realised that it couldn't have been easy for her to call him like this.
"Well, yes, I suppose there are some loose ends that we ought to get sorted out," he'd replied, thinking of the joint bank account they'd set up, the wedding gifts that had been left that he hadn't known what to do with, some things of hers that had been at his house, that kind of thing. Of course she wasn't ringing to tell him she wanted him back, but any contact, like an oasis in the desert, was welcome to him.
"I thought maybe I could come down on the train and that it would be a good idea if maybe we met up somewhere quiet, out of the way, rather than in the village. I don't want to make even more gossip for you than undoubtedly you've already had to deal with."
"Oh, I don't care about that Louisa, bloody villagers just make up gossip when there isn't any anyway, so you're welcome to come here, to my house, that is… if you want to," Martin had offered. Anywhere was fine by him, anywhere at all. Just hearing her voice had made him desperate to see her again. Whenever Louisa called him, if there was ever the slightest hint that she needed him, whatever the reason, he came running. It had always been that way for him - always had been, and it seemed, always would be.
"No, I don't really think that would be a good idea, we'd be bound to be interrupted at your place – we always were in the past, weren't we?" Louisa had reminded him rather sadly, thinking of all the missed opportunities between them over the years.
"Yes, I suppose we were. So where would you suggest?"
"Umm, well there's this pub up on the moor that's miles from anywhere, and no mobile signal either, so that might be a good place to meet up. It's always been deserted whenever I've been there," Louisa had suggested.
"Yes alright, when were you thinking of coming down then?"
"Are you free next Saturday, or have you got other plans?" Louisa had said tentatively.
"Next Saturday is fine," Martin had quickly agreed, knowing that, as usual, he had nothing at all planned for the weekend. But even if he had, he would have dropped whatever it was immediately, if it meant seeing Louisa.
"OK, well the pub is called 'The Coach and Four'. You probably don't know where it is, but you can look it up I'm sure. How about I meet you there around lunchtime? I'll let you know a more exact time once I've looked up the trains, booked a taxi and so on," Louisa had suggested.
"Don't bother with a taxi. I'll pick you up from the station instead, then you can direct me to this pub," Martin had offered.
"Fine, Ok, I'll let you know then. Bye Martin."
With that she'd hung up, and Martin had sat there at his kitchen table for quite some time, just staring into space.
xXx
"Look Louisa, you've known for over a month now, so when are you going to pick up your phone and bloody well ring Martin?" Holly pointed at Louisa's mobile that was on the kitchen table when they were sitting having supper one evening in Holly's house.
"It's not that simple," Louisa tried to explain. The truth was, the longer she put it off, the longer she didn't have to deal with his rejection all over again. But she couldn't really tell Holly that.
"Of course it is. I can't understand why on earth you're dithering, since you're adamant you're going to go ahead anyway, no matter what anyone else says. At this rate the first the poor man will know about it is when he gets a letter from the Child Support Agency demanding maintenance money! Or maybe you're planning to just show up on his doorstep one day, six months pregnant and hope he gets the hint by the change in your figure?" Holly said in exasperation.
"Don't be ridiculous! I wouldn't do that to him, of course I wouldn't. It's just that, well I don't think he's going to find it welcome news, so I don't see that there is really any great rush to tell him."
"The longer you put it off, the harder it's going to be. Ring him, arrange to meet up, invite him up to London maybe, but I don't think you should tell him your news over the phone."
"No, that wouldn't be very nice, would it? But I can't expect him to come all the way up here without telling him why, so maybe I could arrange to go down there," Louisa mused.
The thought of a trip back to Cornwall was very appealing, because she was missing it terribly. London was not the fun, happening place she recalled from her college days, it just seemed crowded, dirty and impersonal. And she realised that she'd been rather hasty in leaving her Head Mistress role at Portwenn School. She was finding it very hard accepting that she had no say in how things were done at Holly's exclusive private school, and in hindsight it hadn't been the greatest career move. But at the time she'd just wanted to get away from the village – and Martin.
"Yes, whatever, but just pick up the phone and DO IT!"
"You are so bossy Holly! I'll think about it. Maybe tomorrow when I've thought it through properly."
"Bullshit. You've had weeks to think about it, you're just prevaricating, and if you're not going to ring him, I jolly well am!"
With that, Holly snatched Louisa's phone from the table, easily finding Martin's number in the speed dial list even as Louisa jumped up and tried to grab her phone. But Holly had already initiated the call, and was holding the phone up out of her reach as it rang. Once she heard Martin's voice answering, she triumphantly handed the phone back to Louisa with a big grin on her face.
"Just talk to him!" she mouthed at her before leaving the room.
xXx
It had meant an early start to catch the 7:30am train from London Paddington to Bodmin Parkway on Saturday morning, but now Louisa could sit back and relax for the four and a half hour journey. She'd brought a book, her ipod and some magazines to help pass the time, but somehow she couldn't settle to anything. She kept going over in her mind what on earth she was going to say to Martin, how the heck was she going to tell him her news, and how he was going to react.
She didn't know what to expect from him, but she certainly couldn't imagine any scenario where he'd be thrilled or pleased. And he would no doubt start analysing the medical facts of how they'd managed to conceive a baby despite taking precautions – well nothing was 100% fail safe after all. She only hoped he didn't blame her or think she had somehow allowed herself to get pregnant because she wanted a baby even if he didn't– she knew only too well how direct and harsh he could be. And no doubt he'd think a termination the most logical solution, which was not an option as far as she was concerned, so she hoped they weren't going to have a huge row about that. Then she sighed as she told herself to stop trying to second guess his reaction, she'd know soon enough now. And at least he would be informed, and she would then be free to get on with things with a clear conscience.
But despite all her misgivings, she couldn't help but be excited about seeing her Martin again – in her head she still thought of him in those terms. She'd missed him terribly, much more than she'd ever imagined. She'd expected to throw herself into her new job and new life in London and leave all her problems behind – but it hadn't worked out like that at all. I
t just wasn't possible to erase Martin from her mind. He was so unique, so special, so …Martin. No one else compared to him, came anywhere close to him in her estimation. He was head and shoulders above everyone else, and not just in a physical way. As she'd told him in her letter when they'd called off their wedding, she really did love him, she just didn't think they could make a go of things when they didn't want the same things out of marriage. In any case, he hadn't wanted to marry her either, so what was done was done for the best, she told herself, and she just had to try to remember him fondly while she got on with the rest of her life.
But that was proving impossible now that the suspicion that he'd left her with a hell of a lot more than just memories had been confirmed…
xXx
Martin looked at his watch for about the hundredth time. Five minutes now till her train was due in. He gripped the steering wheel of his car tightly, and took several deep breaths to calm his nerves, before opening the car door and stepping out into the damp and chilly December air.
He casually strolled over towards the station entrance, trying to exude an air of confidence that he wasn't feeling in the slightest.
Finally he could see the train approaching – it was only a small station, and he knew that the train would be coming into the nearest platform, just as his parents had when they'd visited. As the train slowly, inexorably pulled in, he watched the doors opening and scanned all the people stepping out, looking for that dark ponytail.
And there she was, no mistaking her; she was as beautiful, no, more beautiful if that was possible, than he remembered. He saw her looking round, looking for him, and saw her face light up as she spotted him and waved. His heart swelled with joy to know that she was looking for him, that he was the lucky man she'd come to meet. He raised his hand back in acknowledgement and then walked towards her.
All he could think at that moment was that he'd been such a bloody fool to have ever let her go. He should have followed his heart, and stopped her from leaving when she'd kissed his cheek and then walked away from him the last time he'd seen her. They could have worked things out he realised, having analysed her letter so many times and worked out her reasons for calling off their wedding. But now she'd got herself a whole new life and career in London, so what chance did he have of winning her back? He'd been insane to let her slip through his fingers before when he'd had the chance to marry her.
Why the hell had he been so stupid not to have tried harder with her?
"Hello Martin," she said, smiling up at him.
"Louisa," Martin said, as he took her bag and led her over to his car.
