Emmett was hosting a crossdressing party, and all the vampires were invited, except Edward because his chest was far too hairy and it would blind the entire world if he showed up in women's clothing with a body like that. So, Edward was in his room crying about it like a little bitch to Bella.

"I always wanted to go to a crossdressing party... I picked out a special outfit for the occasion too...! I wore it under my clothes and everything!" he sobbed.

"It's okay..." Bella said, twitching as she patted his back.

Meanwhile, Jacob was masturbating to wolves having an orgy on Animal Planet

Suddenly, Bella had a feeling Jacob was cheating on her with the Television again, she grabbed Edward and pulled him all the way to Jacob's house, tripping every two steps. When they finally got there, Bella barged her fatass in and stormed over to the living room where Jacob was fapping.

"WHAT THE FUCK JACOB? YOU FURFAG! YOU SHOULD BE DOING M-" Bella yelled, before falling flat on her stupid whore face for no apparent reason. Edward eyed her with his trademark stone cold vampire stare and popped a boner, even though he had no blood running through his sparkling dead body.

Jacob ignored everything and everyone besides his porn as he turned into a wolf and began licking his dong rapidly. Edward's penis grew 2 feet larger nearly ripping his pants wide open as he watched, because Edward was secretly gay and into furries, too.

As soon as a commercial came onto the television, Jacob was spent. He turned back into a human (now shirtless) and laid back on the couch as if nothing even happened. "Oh, hi Bella, hi Edward. What are you two doing here?" he asked, nonchalantly.

Bella started to stand up but she was knocked unconscious by Edward's now 3 foot long dong. This is exactly what Edward wanted. "...Now that she's out of the way... Come over here, Jacob." Edward said, licking his lips, sexily.

Just when Jacob was about to walk over to Edward to get the most brutal ass raping of his life. A ton of EdwardXBella fangirls stormed in, they revived Bella by hitting her repeatedly with The Book Of Mormon. Before the fangirls left the room, they kidnapped Jacob and took him to the animal shelter to get neutered.

Now it was just Edward and Bella... Bella and Edward... They were alone... In a room... With Animal Planet porn.

"Now what do we do, Edward?" she questioned as she walked over to the TV, before falling backwards onto Jacob's cum-stained couch.

Edward said nothing, he ripped his clothes off to reveal he was wearing lingerie, the sun peaked through a window to show off his skin made of diamonds.

"Oh.. OH EDWARD YOU'RE SO PRETTY." Bella cooed as she did a spastic twitch, she had to put some sunglasses on because she was blinded by his bright manly skin.

As Bella began to touch Edward, she could feel her looks being sucked from her. "E-edward? What are you doing?" she screamed.

"I need to stay pretty some how." he replied in a monotone voice as he was absorbing her beauty.

After about 10 minutes, Bella turned into Dr. Phil, and Edward turned into Justin Bieber.

The animal porn was still playing and this only turned Bieber Edward on. He grabbed Phil Bella and raped her (him?) violently just like the animals did on animal planet.

This created such an ugly scene that the sun burnt out, fetuses committed suicide in the womb, gays became straight, the blind people went deaf, the deaf people went blind, and eventually everything just combusted into flames, the world as we know it became nothing more than a pile of ashes.

But everyone was happy for they could no longer see or think of such things ever again.

The end.