Three to Tango…
Part 1: And The Chunks Will Fly!
Stan POV
Shit!
I smashed the alarm button at my bedside table and looked at the clock.
12 o' clock, better get to school? Nah, fuck it, might as well just call it sick.
I stumbled out of bed and slowly walked to the bathroom. I turned the shower knob and pulled my boxers down. As they dropped to my feet, I stepped out of them and kicked them behind me. I stepped into the steam-engulfed porcelain cubicle and closed the curtain. I reached for the shampoo bottle and fixated a palm-sized glob into my shaggy raven hair. I swear I heard the phone ring, probably the school anyway. I turned off the shower and went back to my room. I slipped on some clean clothes and started downstairs.
I checked the call display, Kyle had called. I guess he had skipped too, I redialed his number. Kyle answered, his voice seemed welcoming.
Hello?
He chirped.
Hey, it's Stan.
I could hear something in the background. Maybe he was at Shakey's or something. He DID call from his cell phone.
Hey, can you come meet me? It's really important.
I could tell something was going on because I knew Kyle better than anyone, and I could tell he was at a breaking point. On a scale of 1-10, this was about an 8, still pretty bad. I left as soon as I could. I slipped on my brown windbreaker and headed down to Shakey's.
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Kyle POV
Damn good wings! He's STILL staring at me! Do I have something on my face? Better not wipe it, just in case I look stupid. Where's Stan already? Hmmm… come to think of it, he is kinda cute… the way his hair curls over his eyes and- SNAP OUT OF IT! You like girls! We should have gone to Raisins! Make an excuse, say you have to go to the washroom…
I got up, only to feel his hand clasping on my ass.
Where you goin?
He asked that in a bit of a… provocative tone.
Washroom, be right back.
I sighed with relief, but kinda smiled underneath it all. I washed my hands and grabbed some paper towel.
Why is he still on my mind? Where is Stan? I can't take this; it's getting to be really awkward! I'm actually starting to really notice fatass lately…
I walked out of the washroom, good, Stan's there. It was starting to get really weird before.
I walked over. Stan directed his gaze towards me as I tapped his shoulder lightly.
Can I talk to you Stan?
I pulled him away from the table as fast as I could.
Stan?
Yeah?
Have you noticed he's been a little…strange lately?
Yeah, a little, what's up with that?
I dunno, he was staring at me earlier and he's been fondling my ass! The stranger thing
is, I kinda like it. Is that so wrong?
Well Kyle, I just want you to know that whatever goes on, you're still my best friend.
Thanks Stan, we better get back to the table before he comes looking for us.
Yeah.
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Eric POV
Where are those guys? Did they forget I'm here? Kyle, get your hot jew ass back here. Wow, he's such a babe. Stan's not that bad himself. I wonder if they've figured it out yet? How I feel and all? Nah, they're clueless. He didn't eat his chicken skin! Hmmm, maybe he left it for me? Oh… here they come…look at that red hair. Like flaming spun silk! Come on Eric, act natural…
Hey guys!
Why are they looking at me like that?
Cartman, are you okay?
What? Am I okay? They know…
It was the pants, wasn't it?
What do you mean fatass?
Maybe they're just playing dumb to act like they don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Touché.
Fatass?! CARTMAN! What's going on? Are you sick or something?
Yeah, like you guys care. I hope Kyle does. You don't just give away chicken skin like that on the street corner!
You ate my chicken, didn't you?
I did, why?
Something was a little off, they were good but-
Just shut up and kiss me jew! What's he even saying? Who cares, it sounds beautiful.
Cartman! Are you listening?
No Stan, I'm busy looking at Kyle, could you NOT interrupt?!
He's hopeless Kyle. Let's just go…
NO YOU GUYS, STAY!
Fine, we'll stay, IF you tell us what's been up with you lately.
They DID notice! It WAS the pants. Just wing it. Say it's… the bad chicken? No! Tried that already. Shit! He looks great when he's mad. What a babe!
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Stan POV
I stared at him and narrowed my brow.
COME ON CARTMAN!
He's gotta snap sooner or later…
I frowned, considering he was in love with my best friend. I started wondering what he might have thought of me.
Obviously not that much, considering he had his eyes on Kyle the whole time…
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Eric POV
Think Eric, think. All this thinking is making me nauseous…I don't know what to say… If I tell Kyle I love him then… Well, it could be the only excuse I've got considering I can't think of anything else. I guess it's worth a try… But what if he laughs? What if STAN laughs? They'll make fun of me forever… Here comes that nausea again. Might as well just do it and get it over with. If they hate me, at least I didn't pussy out… Okay, here goes…
Kyle I-
Everything went quiet… I gagged on my own words as a huge warm wave came blasting out of my mouth.
A perfect moment, ruined. Stupid chicken! I could have done it! I almost did. But I guess it just wasn't meant to be right now… oh great. Everyone's looking…AND IT'S ALL OVER KYLE TOO! Oh no, what am I gonna do? He'll hate me, he'll ha-
Kyle just stood there with a look on his face. Silence struck the three of us as people rushed over to help cleaned him off. Stan didn't say a word to me until Kyle went to get cleaned off. It was over. I fucked it all up… Stan looked at me and tried to smile. I felt a little better, but I still felt horrible about what happened. I got up and just ran out of there. Too embarrassed to even look back… No one followed me.
