Elrond's Confessions

By Amanda

Dear Journal,

I wish I could call you a more sophisticated name than "journal", very well, I am going to name you Calamari. I am not sure exactly what calamari is, but I heard some men speak of it some years ago, and I rather liked the name. Of course I did not ask of its meaning, but they, after all, are worthless, expendable, unintelligent men.

Anyway, I am having some father-daughter trouble with my dearest Arwen lately. She has fallen in love with a ranger from the North named Aragorn. A ranger? A RANGER?! When was it ever decided that MY daughter, Arwen Evenstar, would EVER love a ranger?! Especially one named Aragorn, I mean come on, what were his parents THINKING when they named him THAT?! Oh never mind, his parents WERE mere mortals. But really Calamari, why must I be punished? I was hoping that dear Arwen would marry one of the High-Elves from Loth-Lorien. I mean come on, what Elf-father would hope for more than that?

I am also having another problem lately, I recently held a mighty council (maybe I'll actually get written in a history book for it this time) where many different races of Middle-earth have come and complain. I hate those dwarves, and Aragorn was there. I told Arwen to stay out of the meeting for this reason. I don't want some scrappy, freak ogling at my daughter when we're trying to pin everything going wrong on the dwarves. I'm on so much pressure.

Lastly for today, Gandalf the Gray was here, we talked and argued a bit about what to do with the evil Ring. The Ring was brought to Rivendell by a group of hobbits (lead by Aragorn) from the Shire. I don't know about Gandalf's advice to let the hobbit, Frodo, take the Ring... those hobbits are a little untrustworthy if you ask me.

I also healed the hobbit Frodo, because one of the Nazgul stabbed him on Weathertop. I didn't get so much as "thank you Master Elrond," or a, "Can I give you a foot massage for your efforts Lord Elrond." No, nothing. What is the world coming to these days?!

This is the reason us Elves are leaving Middle-earth, because sooner or later the retards, (a.k.a. Men) are going to rule, and we don't want to associate with some idiot Kings of Men, and watch them quarrel incessantly over Rings and whose land is whose.

They should all die if you ask me.

I'm going to bed now, but first I need to set some magic on Arwen's doors, windows, etc. so that it will decapitate Aragorn if he dares trying to make a move on my daughter.

Namarie,

~Elrond