Disclaimer: Watching the Zelda CD-I cutscenes directly can cause annoyance, bleeding, abdominal pain, madness, lame Sparta jokes, and suicidal behavior. This is going to be painful.
Not: Do I have to?
Mary: Yes Not.
Not: Can I not do it?
Mary: No.
Not: Can I not un do it?
Mary: Yes.
Not: #%&.
Dot: Speaking in symbols won't get you out of this.
Not: Uhhh… I'll turn on the CD-i… (The Faces of Evil start screen appears)
Link: Gee, it sure is boring around here!
Not: So you say?
The King: My boy…
Yakko: Goodnight everybody!
The King: …This peace is what all true warriors strive for!
Not: YES! Have my people bored, unhappy, and ready to rebel! Man am I a good king!
Link: I just wonder what Ganon is up to!
Mary: Predictable plot point coming in three, two, one…
Gwonam (or how ever your suppose to spell it): Your Majesty, Ganon and his minions have ceased the island of Koridai.
Wakko: Who would ever of thought.
Dot: Yakko…
Yakko: Hay, he is YOUR brother.
The King: Hmmm…
Not: Thinking so hard, must… emphasize… thinking…
The King: How can we help?
Yakko: Send an army?
Not: Tatical Nuke?
Wakko: Ask the U.N. to do something?
Everybody: …your kidding right?
Wakko: What?
Gwonam: It is written, "only link can stop Ganon."
Yakko: …Why is it written that only Link can stop him?
Dot: On who's authority?
Wakko: How can he even read that?
Not: Wait, if I write I don't have to watch this, I don't have to watch it? (Click) Alright… I'll watch it… just put the gun down Mary…
Link: Great! I'll grab my stuff.
Yakko: Let's see… I need my hair gel, my extra large ear cleaners, and my thin lipstick!
Gwonam: There is no time! Your sword is enough!
Yakko: How will I fight Ganon without my face and hair products? I would die going into battle looking like some tramp, GAWD!
Link: How about a kiss? For luck?
Not: And to make me look manly in this dress.
Zelda: You got to be kidding.
Mary: GO GIRL POWER! DON'T GIVE HIM WHAT HE WANTS JUST FOR BEING YOUR SAVIOR!
Not: Look (Holds up Shadow)
Mary: SHADDY! (Glomps him) OMG! MY HERO!
Shadow: God have mercy on my soul.
Yakko: Quick sibs! While the fangirl is distracted! FLEE!
Mary: OH NO YOU DON'T! YOUR SITTING THROUGH THIS OR YOUR GETTING WHAT HE GOT! (Points to the barely breathing Shadow)
Gwonam: SQUADALAH!
Dot: Gesundheit.
Gwonam: WERE OFF!
Yakko: Goodnight everybody!
Link: Wow, what are all those heads?
Not: Wow… I didn't think a Zelda game would ever show beheadings…
Gwonam: These are the faces of EVIL.
Not: My god, the heads of Hitler, Stalin, and the duck hunt dog in one place!
Gwonam: You must conquer each!
Yakko: It would be SO much easier to fix those hairdos if you let me bring my beauty products.
Link: I bet I better get going.
Not: GOODBYE!
Yakko: SO LONG!
Dot: SEND US A POST CARD!
Wakko: DON'T COME BACK!
Gwanom: Here is the map…
Not: Cough level select screen cough.
Gwanom: …Where do you wish to go?
Dot: Umm… is there a beach side resort anywhere?
Not: I don't know, that was the end of the intro. Tune in next time to see us get more pain at the hands of the in game tutorial. See you next time.
My next step in ripping off Jack… I mean writing. I hope I can sit through all the games horrible cutscenes with enough sanity to write about. I am doubtful, but I will try.
May god have mercy on my soul
